I have low self esteem and no self confidence and I don't feel like I am worthy of love?

Question

I know why I feel this way and it is because I was sexually abused when I was a kid and now I can't trust men. I think that they are all out to hurt me. I was in a relationship and he knew about what happen to me. He wanted me to trust him and fully give myself to him but I just can't. He didn't hurt me but I was so scared that he would and so I let him go so he can find someone that can give him what he needed. I didn't want to make him unhappy. I know these are my problems and I have to work through them myself. I hope I did the right thing by letting him go, did I?

Answer 1

Self-Esteem, Depression, and Other Illnesses

Before you begin to consider strategies and activities to help raise your self-esteem, it is important to remember that low self-esteem may be due to depression. Low self-esteem is a symptom of depression. To make things even more complicated, the depression may be a symptom of some other illness.

Have you felt sad consistently for several weeks but don't know why you are feeling so sad, i.e. nothing terribly bad has happened, or maybe something bad has happened but you haven't been able to get rid of the feelings of sadness? Is this accompanied by other changes, like wanting to eat all the time or having no appetite, wanting to sleep all the time or waking up very early and not being able to get back to sleep?

If you answered yes to either question, there are two things you need to
do —

* see your doctor for a physical examination to determine the cause of your depression and to discuss treatment choices


* do some things that will help you to feel better right away like eating well, getting plenty of exercise and outdoor light, spending time with good friends, and doing fun things like going to a movie, painting a picture, playing a musical instrument, or reading a good book.


Things You Can Do Right Away — Every Day — To Raise Your Self-Esteem

Pay attention to your own needs and wants. Listen to what your body, your mind, and your heart are telling you. For instance, if your body is telling you that you have been sitting down too long, stand up and stretch. If your heart is longing to spend more time with a special friend, do it. If your mind is telling you to clean up your basement, listen to your favorite music, or stop thinking bad thoughts about yourself, take those thoughts seriously.

Take very good care of yourself. As you were growing up you may not have learned how to take good care of yourself. In fact, much of your attention may have been on taking care of others, on just getting by, or on "behaving well." Begin today to take good care of yourself. Treat yourself as a wonderful parent would treat a small child or as one very best friend might treat another. If you work at taking good care of yourself, you will find that you feel better about yourself. Here are some ways to take good care of yourself —

* Eat healthy foods and avoid junk foods (foods containing a lot of sugar, salt, or fat). A healthy daily diet is usually:

o Five or six servings of vegetables and fruit


o Six servings of whole grain foods like bread, pasta, cereal, and rice


o Two servings of protein foods like beef, chicken, fish, cheese, cottage cheese, or yogurt


* Exercise. Moving your body helps you to feel better and improves your self-esteem. Arrange a time every day or as often as possible when you can get some exercise, preferably outdoors. You can do many different things. Taking a walk is the most common. You could run, ride a bicycle, play a sport, climb up and down stairs several times, put on a tape, or play the radio and dance to the music–anything that feels good to you. If you have a health problem that may restrict your ability to exercise, check with your doctor before beginning or changing your exercise habits.

o Do personal hygiene tasks that make you feel better about yourself–things like taking a regular shower or bath, washing and styling your hair, trimming your nails, brushing and flossing your teeth.


o Have a physical examination every year to make sure you are in good health.


o Plan fun activities for yourself. Learn new things every day.

* Take time to do things you enjoy. You may be so busy, or feel so badly about yourself, that you spend little or no time doing things you enjoy--things like playing a musical instrument, doing a craft project, flying a kite, or going fishing. Make a list of things you enjoy doing. Then do something from that list every day. Add to the list anything new that you discover you enjoy doing.


* Get something done that you have been putting off. Clean out that drawer. Wash that window. Write that letter. Pay that bill.


* Do things that make use of your own special talents and abilities. For instance, if you are good with your hands, then make things for yourself, family, and friends. If you like animals, consider having a pet or at least playing with friends' pets.


* Dress in clothes that make you feel good about yourself. If you have little money to spend on new clothes, check out thrift stores in your area.


* Give yourself rewards — you are a great person. Listen to a CD or tape.


* Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself — people who treat you well. Avoid people who treat you badly.


* Make your living space a place that honors the person you are. Whether you live in a single room, a small apartment, or a large home, make that space comfortable and attractive for you. If you share your living space with others, have some space that is just for you--a place where you can keep your things and know that they will not be disturbed and that you can decorate any way you choose.


* Display items that you find attractive or that remind you of your achievements or of special times or people in your life. If cost is a factor, use your creativity to think of inexpensive or free ways that you can add to the comfort and enjoyment of your space.


* Make your meals a special time. Turn off the television, radio, and stereo. Set the table, even if you are eating alone. Light a candle or put some flowers or an attractive object in the center of the table. Arrange your food in an attractive way on your plate. If you eat with others, encourage discussion of pleasant topics. Avoid discussing difficult issues at meals.


* Take advantage of opportunities to learn something new or improve your skills. Take a class or go to a seminar. Many adult education programs are free or very inexpensive. For those that are more costly, ask about a possible scholarship or fee reduction.


* Begin doing those things that you know will make you feel better about yourself — like going on a diet, beginning an exercise program or keeping your living space clean.


* Do something nice for another person. Smile at someone who looks sad. Say a few kind words to the check-out cashier. Help your spouse with an unpleasant chore. Take a meal to a friend who is sick. Send a card to an acquaintance. Volunteer for a worthy organization.


* Make it a point to treat yourself well every day. Before you go to bed each night, write about how you treated yourself well during the day.

You may be doing some of these things now. There will be others you need to work on. You will find that you will continue to learn new and better ways to take care of yourself. As you incorporate these changes into your life, your self-esteem will continue to improve.

Answer 2

I see several good points about you from your question.
1) You acknowledge that you have a problem instead of blaming others.
2) You loved this man enough that you wanted him to be happy even though it was not with you.

Trust is an vital part of a relationship. It may be wise to wait until you are able to trust men before you get into your next relationship.

But right now actively take steps to help you to overcome these mindsets. I suggest you make a list of positive affirmations about yourself and say them every day. Identify the negative mindsets you have and make affirmations to refute them.
Here are some suggestions:

I am worthy of love.
I am special.
I am a masterpiece made by God.
No matter what happens, God still loves me.
There are men that do not want to hurt me.
I do not have to be worthy of love for God to love me.
My past does not determine my future.

Counseling is good too, (you may already be going). Just take baby steps toward trusting men. You don't have to take big steps to still make progress. Like for instance you could have friendships with guys.

Answer 3

Have you ever gotten counseling to help overcome the abuse? If you haven't you need to see a counselor who know how to help you. They can help you trust men again and live a happier life. By doing this you will also gain self confidence and self esteem. Even if you have had counseling in the past, maybe it's time for a tune up. It couldn't hurt could it?

Answer 4

If he left good riddance, he wasn't for u anyway and u were right not to trust him from the git go. All he wanted from u was sex and when he saw that he wasn't getting it as easy as he thought he moved on. As for being sexually abused as a child i hear u loud and clear I have never trusted men or women since being raped by a maternal uncle and his best friend who turned out to be my mother's brother-in-law. I was sodomized as a child and sexually abused and exploited by these two older boys and young men at that time. I was nine to fourteen yrs. and was so scared literally to death that either of them might kill me and dump me in the woods near the river where they often took me to rape me. I have had such distrust for older men particularly and women too. I have hated myself for not having the cojones to turn them in to family or officials. I've suffered ever since and I'm 50 now. Pls get some help and don't wait to live so miserably as I have all these years. Good luck and God Bless and all men are not like the animals that abused us.

Answer 5

until you can love yourself enough to know that you are worthy of love , you may need to take time so you can heal. there is a little girl that needs to be healed. Find a counselor i your area that specializes in these things or if you can talk to some female clergy in your area. Just wirk on yourself and when you are ready that right man will come along...

Answer 6

If that's how you see your self than it's may be true. Try looking at yourself in a different light. Focus on your good things and know that you are worthy of love and that will become true.

Answer 7

Yes, probably. It would be a good idea to get professional help for this. You will then feel much better.

Answer 8

AT LEAST YOU ALREADY KNOW THE PROBLEM THAT HALF OF THE BATTLE WON NOW YOU HAVE TO FIND THE SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM AND I THINK SOME GOOD, TRUSTWORTHY PROFESSIONAL CAN HELP, PLEASE ALWAYS LOOK FORWARD AND SLOWLY BUT SURELY DON'T EVER LOOK BACK AND ALWAYS LEARN FROM WHATEVER MISTAKE THAT HAPPEN IN THE PAST AND LEARN!! GOOD LUCK.

Answer 9

yes you did the right thing,
he didnt make you safe