My child loves his father, but it is not safe for him to be at his dad's without supervision. My ex is doing things out of spite to hold him against me, and he is munipulating everyone to make me out as the bad person. I have witnesses to drug use, alcohol abuse, and i have suspicion have neglect, but i don't have hard evidence, it's my word against his. This does not work for judge. I can't seem to find answers anywhere else. Maybe someone else in the same situation can give me pointers. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
2006-10-13 15:46:31 · 14 answers · asked by gizmo_chik04 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
We've been to court 3 times now, and i keep giving into him because of our son. Our son doesn't understand, and he loves his dad. My witnesses will not go to court because of personal reasons. We have had a GAL but he didn't seem to find anything wrong in the father's house. I am a young mother and i married this man right after i turned 18. I am currently only 20. I've tried for supervised, but the judge didn't go for it. I might be able to prove somethings, but i'm afraid if our son loses his father, he will resent me when he gets older (this seems to be my main dilemma).
2006-10-13 15:59:18 · update #1
We currently have a court order where we share joint physical and legal custody. He keeps our son for 3 days and then i get him for 3 days, and so on like that. I don't agree with it, but it's what we have now.
2006-10-13 16:01:13 · update #2
I just want to know my son is safe where he goes, if i am wrong about his father then yes, i would love for him to have his son more. I'm not a bad person, but i'm in a new relationship and so his father. I am 6 weeks away from having another child with my current boyfriend. My ex likes to hold things over people, and i've tried to be nice and fair, for our son's sake, and it's got me here. After 17 months of separation, we have gotten no where. He wants to see his son, but he does not want to take care of him. When we were together he wouldn't do anything for him until i had asked him to multiple times. It's just a bad surrounding for my son, but he loves his dad, it's not fair to him, but i have to think about his future. I don't want him to turn out like his father.
2006-10-13 16:08:38 · update #3
Our son is 2 and 1/2 weeks away from being 3 and talks extremely well. He voices his thoguths and feelings well. But, he also has a vivid imagination on him. So i don't know what to believe and what not to. I confront most things that he says, and get no where. He's kind of shy, and sometimes he'll talk with people he doesn't know and others he won't even look at them. Right now he's in a stage where all he wants is me, no one else can have me or my attention. And my ex is also trying to use my new child against me, claiming that i won't have time for our son with a new baby here.
2006-10-13 16:14:03 · update #4
There are people who are WITNESSES to his ILLEGAL behavior.
Convince those people that your sons life is more important than their "Personal Reasons" That's a bunch of i3ullshhh
2006-10-13 17:09:57 · answer #1 · answered by larechiga26 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say he is no good but yet you had a child with him?? Well he must have been good to you at one point in time. So your child loves him and you want to keep him away? That doesn't seem fair why would you want to keep a son away from his father? NOW I agree he should have SUPERVISED visits but a father that wants to see his son and be there for his son. Your child will end up hating YOU for keeping him away.
If you really suspect drug abuse (usually when ppl witness this they are usually apart of the "party" of drug/alchol abuse) then you can ask the court to drug test him...and Viola then the supervised visits.
You need to be an adult and stop using your child as a pawn...to get your ex. BOTH OF YOU and sit down like adults and think about the child's needs and not your own for once. It doesn't matter if your 16 or 26 when you have a kid you are now 2nd place their needs always come first and I hope you and your ex realize this very soon before your son realizes really what is going on.
ADDED I posted this before your added details and you do sound like your trying to be the adult here. I would just ask the Judge to please do a drug test because as much as you want the father in the life....you are scared about the drugs. They probably will.
2006-10-13 23:00:19 · answer #2 · answered by MaryJaneD 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bless your heart! I know how P.O.S dead-beats are! My daughter's "sperm donor" is one of those!
My baby girl is 5 and he hasn't laid eyes on her since she was 2! He lives not even an hour away and refuses to see her.
Give him some time and he will hang himself. Keep your head up and don't let him get you down. You are a strong mother that is looking out for the welfare of your child. Just don't do anything illegal that will get you in trouble and jeopardize your relationship with your son. He is getting to the age that he will ask questions but don't be suprised if he blurts out something that "daddy" says. Don't show anger to your son. This will only confuse him. Try not to "down" the father in front of him either, (this also may come back to bite you in the butt).
The justice system is slow, but in time you will be able to prove his "habits" to the judge.
Good luck to you!
2006-10-14 01:27:55 · answer #3 · answered by yellow_rose_in_arkansas 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you try to run with him the law will side with your ex. Do you believe your son would talk to a counselor? Is he old enough to effectively say what he sees or feels? (I know, that's hard for little ones.) This is a VERY dangerous situation for your son and yourself as well. If you really suspect drug use tell someone, anyone(lawyer, cop, counselor, judge, whoever you can get to listen) This stage of your chilld's life will go by very very fast and soon he will see for himself what is really going on. Maybe your local mental health facility can help. (No I am not being a smartass) Their counselors have access to many(MANY) public service programs including domestic abuse shelters, counseling, and public health services. Good luck. Oh! Have you tried local child-family services? They would know what to do.
2006-10-13 23:05:20 · answer #4 · answered by ginarene71 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
okay. if you want anything to happen, you need to calm your nerves and clear your head of any hatred you have toward your ex. Maybe try approaching him a very calm manner to discuss things that are going on. If you approach him angrily or hostily, nothing will get solved. Don't bring yourself to his level. Try to agree on something. If this does not work...you need to take a different approach. Investigate yourself. if you don't already drop him off and pick him up from his dads house, offer to, and when you do, bring a camera phone or regular camera and see if you can be sly about getting a picture of anything incriminating. Try asking to use the restroom when you drop him off or pick him up, that way, he willingly let you inside. Be a detective. but, if you do this be smart about it. You have to make him believe you are on his side. pretend to be civil with him. remeber...keep your enemies closer.
2006-10-13 23:11:45 · answer #5 · answered by chrissy b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for your situation.To have hard evidence make your son talk and videotape him.Also be as friendly with your ex as possible.You need to have cameras in his place.There are special once made to spy on babysitters.Somehow get into his house and hide one in each room.Ar least in your sons bedroom.It sounds to intense,but you need to prove him wrong.I mean your son's safety is worth doing everything.I never had to deal with this kind of situation,i may be wrong .I just want to help.God help you,I'll be praying for you and your son.
2006-10-14 02:48:43 · answer #6 · answered by avavu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is a threat to your child request that visits be held at a visitation center until a GAL can investage and see what should happen. Also have your son start seeing a therapist. She will make a log of what he talks, thinks. This can be shown to a judge to determine if he is having troubles visiting his dad safely.
2006-10-13 22:51:34 · answer #7 · answered by erinjl123456 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have you tried maybe a private investigator? i really aint sure but you proably should talk to a lawyer about ur situation til then id keep a lclose eye on my son. If anything seems fishy (brusies rashes anything he gets from being over there) id take pictures of it...and turn his butt in its amazing why guys can really get away with these days
2006-10-13 22:51:29 · answer #8 · answered by cutenwild1769 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
TRY AND GET DEPARTMENT OF SOCIAL SERVICES INVOLVED. EXPLAIN THE DRUGS. TRY AND GET THEM TO DO A SUPRISE VISIT ON HIM WHEN HE HAS THE CHILD IN CUSTODY. IF THEY SEE ANY SIGNS OF DRUGS, NEGLECT,ETC., THEY WILL KEEP HIM FROM SEEING HIM FOR AWHILE OR THEY CAN SET UP SUPERVISED VISITATION. AND DSS WILL CONTINUE TO "CHECK ON HIM" FOR SOME TIME. AND IF YOUR WITNESSES REALLY CARED ABOUT THE CHILD, THEY WOULD HELP YOU. SOUNDS LIKE THEY DONT WANT TO BE INVOLVED CAUSE THEY ARE INVOLVED IN HIS DRUG,ALCOHOL ABUSE. ALWAYS REMEMBER--CHILDREN 1ST. EVEN IF IT MEANS TAKING CHILD FROM PARENT THAT IS NEGLIGENT. CHILD WILL THANK YOU LATER FOR TAKING CARE OF THEM AND PROTECTING THEM WHEN THE OTHER DIDNT.
2006-10-14 09:41:23 · answer #9 · answered by kimandkaitlyn2005 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any way you look at it, if you keep the kid away from his father, you are being the bad person. He is just as much his father's as he is yours. If he was such a bad person, you shouldn't have had a baby with him.
2006-10-15 23:31:01 · answer #10 · answered by ezdays 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋