(Not the two hunters joke, it is on 20 different websites.)
2006-10-13 15:42:16 · 8 answers · asked by Lori G 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Did you hear about the gay Irishman? He liked girls.
2006-10-13 15:45:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Drivers License
A Mom is driving a little girl to her friends house for a play date. "Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns. It is not polite."
"OK," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "these are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
"Those are enough questions, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," said the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprise and shock now. "How in heavens name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex."
and
Dear Child,
I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home.
Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.
I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though.
Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home.
They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.
Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom.
Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
well that was funny for me!
2006-10-13 22:47:17 · answer #2 · answered by ~♥Andrea♥~ 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.
George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said "no". Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.
George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot them all." Then he hung up.
Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was no one available!"
2006-10-14 13:50:10 · answer #3 · answered by ♥ 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sung to the tune of "I believe I Can Fly"
- I believe I can die -
- I got ran over by the Ice Cram Guy -
- All I wanted was a popsicle -
- Instead I ended up in a hospital -
2006-10-13 22:50:14 · answer #4 · answered by xinnybuxlrie 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
A bear and a rabbit were in the woods, the bear turns to the rabbit and says "hey do you have a problem with sh** sticking to your fur"? The rabbit says "why no mr. bear", so the bear wipes his @$$ with the rabbit. Who ever gave the thumbs down is WE TODD DID!
2006-10-13 22:48:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
what has 4 legs and if fell out of a tree can kill you....
a piano
2006-10-13 22:45:44 · answer #6 · answered by big gurls 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
say this outloud
I AM WE TODD DID
I AM WE TODD DID
I AM SOFA KING WE TODD DID
HAHAH !!!!
IF U DONT GET IT READ IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN ! ITS HILARIOUS
2006-10-13 22:47:26 · answer #7 · answered by yaka 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
definitely not this one
2006-10-13 22:45:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋