Don't be shy, so think of the funniest joke and send it!
2006-10-13 15:17:05 · 22 answers · asked by Alex 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Be serious people! This isn't so hard to get the ten points!
2006-10-13 15:20:01 · update #1
And yes by 'wee' stories I mean pee stories
2006-10-13 15:22:09 · update #2
Sunday School
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.
2006-10-13 15:19:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Just a little humor to get you through the day...enjoy!
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because, even though, it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah." The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
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A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was? The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute,"
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
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One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
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The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grownup and say, 'There's Jennifer she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's dead."
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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
2006-10-13 15:26:36 · answer #2 · answered by D21 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
President bush was touring a school. As he passed an English class the teacher ask him if he would like to participate for a moment. "of course" he replied.She explained the class was studying definitions. President Bush ask the class "who can tell me the meaning of the word Tragedy?" a girl ask "If my friend fell off his bike and broke his leg, would that be a tragedy?'' he replied"no that would be an accident. ' The next child ask'' if my friend were killed in a car crash would that be a tragedy?'' He replied "No that would be a great loss" Finally a boy ask "if you were shot down in air force one would that be a tragedy?" Yes!!he exclaimed and do you know why?" the boy answered "Because I doubt it would be an accident and I'm sure it wouldn't be a great loss."
2006-10-13 15:53:31 · answer #3 · answered by thirsty mind 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
An couple in their 60s were visited by a fairy & grants them both a wish..I want 2 travel round the world with my husband said the wife..2 tickets magically appear in her hand..Husband says sorry love but my wish is to ave a wife 30 yrs younger than me..So the fairy waves her magic wand & the husband becomes 92!!!! Moral of the story is Men who are ungrateful b*****ds shud remember fairies are f***ing female......
2006-10-13 15:41:39 · answer #4 · answered by Rosie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A man was very distraught at the fact that he had not taken out a woman for a very long time. He began to worry that he had something wrong with him, so he decided to employ the services of a medical sex therapist. His own GP recommended that he go to see Dr Chang, a well known Chinese sex therapist.
So he went to see him.
Upon entering the examination room Dr Chang said, "OK, preeze take off all your crose". The man did as he was told. "Now, get down and craw reery reery fass to odder side of loom". Again the man did as he was instructed. "OK, now craw reery reery fass back to me". So he did. Dr Chang slowly shook his head and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not get dates".
Confused, the man asked "Oh my God, Dr Chang. What is Ed Zachary Disease?"
"Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your asss."
2006-10-13 15:18:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
There was this man standing at the bus stop, trying to get a bite at his hotdog, but being unable to do so because the lady standing next to him had a pesky little dog that kept jumping at him, trying to snatch it from him. So he goes up to the lady and asks her, " Ma'm, would you mind if throwed him a bit?" And the lady replies, " No, no, not at all. In fact, that would be very nice of you!"
So he picks up the dog and throws him across the street.
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There was once an Indian and a Pakistani who lived next door to each other.The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast. One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the face and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the face and time how long it takes for me to get up, whoever gets up quicker wins the egg." The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the face. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his jaw howling in agony for 30 minutes. Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."
The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"
2006-10-13 15:33:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a funny wee story for you......
My brother-in-law went on a trip with his friends. While on vacation, he got very drunk. In the middle of the night he had to use the "wee room" (bathroom) and forgot where he was....so out of his hotel room he went, and then the people next door got a knock on the door.....only to find my brother-in-law peeing on the door when they opened it.
2006-10-13 15:20:26 · answer #7 · answered by ape0402 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Hello, could you give me c0nd0m. I'm going to my girlfriend's for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!"
The pharmacist gives him the c0nd0m and as the young man is going out; he returns and says, "Give me another c0nd0m because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think I might strike it lucky there too."
The pharmacist gives him a second c0nd0m and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says, "Go on, give me one more c0nd0m because my girlfriend's mum is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes eyes, and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting me to make a move!
During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him. When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying, "Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all you give us."
A minute later the boy is still praying; "Thank you Lord for your kindness."
Ten minutes go by and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down. The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend is even more surprised than the others.
She gets close to the boy and says in his ear, "I didn't know you were so religious."
The boy replies, "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist.."
lol..
2006-10-13 15:25:49 · answer #8 · answered by -a- 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
A 60 year old man got this young wife. He gets her pregnant. So they go to the doctor and the doctor says " wow how did you get a girl pregnated at your age" the mans says" i dont know i guess my engine is still running. So they leave and 5 years later he gets her pregnant again and comes back to the same doctor, he says " i just dont know how you do it, your 65 and got your girlfriend pregant" the guy says well i guess my engine is still running. 5 years later the guy gets her pregnant again and goes to the same doctor the doctor says " geez it pure amazing just how do you do it" the mans says"i dont know i guess my engine is still running and the doctor says "well you need to change your oil cus this babies a mexican."
2006-10-13 15:24:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A schoolboy was sent home early by the principal. His mother asked him why, and he answered, "Johnny and I were having a contest to see who could pee the highest on the wall, and Sister Mary Margaret caught us."
Mom nodded and said, "I suppose she was very angry with you two."
The boy replied, "Are you kidding? She hit the roof!"
Mom raised her eyebrows. "How much did she win?"
2006-10-13 19:34:01 · answer #10 · answered by Nobody Important 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋