I am Catholic, my girl, Jewish - we are talking marriage but have an obvious dilemma - any suggestions?

Question

We have both talked about non-denominational wedding. My mother, the Catholic, does not see this as a "real wedding". Their is also concern about how our children will be raised. We both feel strong enough in our respective relgions that we want some basis to raise our kids.

What do I do so that my mother can ac cept this "mixed" marriage so to speak and my kids develop a similar appreciation for having 'a' belief in something?

Answer 1

you're asking for trouble, chief.

remember what the Bible says about being 'unevenly yoked' with an unbeliever.

your mom is right.

i think you and your girl ought to rethink this.

Answer 2

First, the smaller question: the wedding. The Catholic Church requires Catholics to get married in the Church. Anything else is not considered valid. If you girlfriend wants a Jewish wedding (which is great -- they really know how to do it) have two. They don't have to be big. You could have a big Jewish wedding (after all the bride's family is probably going to pay for it) and a quiet little Catholic wedding. All you need for that is a priest and two witnesses -- but I'd recommend inviting immediate family.

The bigger question here is not the wedding -- which is over in a day (or two days if you take my advice and do both), but the lifetime marriage, especially when it comes to raising the kids.

I strongly feel that kids need a faith. They need a spiritual home, a place they can turn to and feel at home and connected to God, especially when the really big problems in life hit. Too often I see mixed marriages where the parents are afraid to raise the children with any religion at all, because they're afraid of offending the spouse. This is the worst case scenario. Raise them Catholic or raise them Jewish or raise them to love both faiths, but give them a spiritual home.

You should work this one out before you get married. It may not seem critical now but it gets more and more important the older you get, and when your kids start asking questions you have to figure out what you're going to do.

Oh, and to get married in the Catholic Church, the Catholic parent has to agree to raise the child Catholic.

I wonder how difficult it would be, and how offensive to your girlfriend, to raise your kids Jewish - Catholic. To embrace and celebrate Judaism within Christianity. After all, Jesus was Jewish. Mary and Joseph were Jewish. The twelve apostles were Jewish. Can you promise your girlfriend never to tell your children good things about Jesus?

Anyway, you two need to work these things out before you get married.

Answer 3

--Is Catholic--

First, the Catholic Church does recognize "non-denominational weddings" because if two non-Catholic Christians divorce and one of the non-Catholics wants to marry a Catholic, the non-Catholic MUST get an annulment.

More importantly though, as you are a Catholic, you may not get marred in a "non-denominational wedding", because neither you nor your Jewish girl friend are "non-denominational".

You have two options. 1.) Catholic Wedding. 2.) Jewish Wedding. Both are recognized by the Catholic Church and would fulfill your obligations to your faith. In order to both of these though, you need permission of a mixed cult marriage from YOUR bishop. This is very easy to do, just talk to your priest. Additionally if you wish to do a Jewish wedding, you must also get permission for that. The permission exists to check for three things 1.) That the Catholic party is not in danger of defecting from the Catholic faith 2.) That the Catholic party understands what marriage is 3.) That the Catholic party will raise any and all children Catholic.

Because religious differences become MUCH more pronounced when it is actually time to raise your children, it is important to hammer out a plan now rather than later. Let me say that it is NOT OK not to raise your children in the Catholic faith. Not only for them but also for your own faith it is very spiritually bad. However, since you would be marrying a Jewish woman, this is easier. This is because Catholicism is the fulfillment of Judaism. Catholicism is Judaism, but Judaism that has been fulfilled. Every single thing in Judaism leads to Catholicism so it is very possible to raise your children within a Jewish/Catholic framework where both of you will be happy.

As you can see, there is a very strong common basis for raising your children.

Might I suggest that you read the book
Salvation is From the Jews
http://www.salvationisfromthejews.com

Jewish Roots of Catholicism VHS

A Father Who Keeps His Promises by Hahn

As for yourself, I would spend some time learning and developing an understanding of how Catholicism is deeply rooted in Judaism.

If you have more questions, message me.

Answer 4

All of Christianity grew out of Judaism. Jesus himself was a Jew. While Jews do not believe Jesus is the Son of God and Messiah, they do have a moral and spiritual base that is beyond similiar and extremely compatible. Best of all, Christians and Jews both worship the same God, just with a different understanding. When you get around to having kids, talk to both a priest and a rabbi about how to respect both traditions while teaching your children. You will have some very specific religious decisions to make regarding the children, but this can wait.

Mom... it sounds like Mom is a bit pre-Vatican II and she might not be open to newer thoughts. Your marriage will be real, even if it ends up not being the Catholic sacrament. Reassure her that you and your gal will be raising your children in a context where they will learn to respect the Ten Commandments and what we now call "The Golden Rule." Remind her about the common threads between Catholicism and Judaism and that what is going to be most important here is your mutual love and respect for each other and your desire to raise moral children who respect both religions.

If I might suggest, make sure that before you marry that you and your girl discuss all this stuff in almost painful detail. It will save you a few arguments in the future.

Answer 5

This may not help, I have heard that there once was a celebrity couple who had children. One parent was a Muslim and the other a Hindu. The parents loved each other but of course there were relgious difficulties. They let the children have religious choice, thus the children gained their OWN religion of both Muslim and Hindu ideas. The children learned a deep respect and understanding for all religions.

Yeah. It's YOUR children. So it's up to you. GOod luck. Don't let other people's opinions influence you too much, like your mother. Just love your wife and your future children peacefully and have respect for all religions. Actions show more than words.

Answer 6

there is not any longer any way his babies might want to precise be raised to persist with both faiths - because of the actual actuality those faiths contradict one yet another. And neither faith helps twin non secular association. So he's gonna have some very at a loss for words youthful ones!!! apparently, Jews and Catholics are in a large number of situations fascinated in a minimum of one yet another. There are some similarities contained contained in the faiths, contained contained in the journey that both comprise really some ritual, as an social gathering. they're also both very extreme religions. and religious Jews, basically like observant Catholics, many cases have large households. see you later as you'll now no longer have a issue including your better effective 1/2 now no longer worshipping Jesus, and see you later as you haven't were given self belief he's particular for 'hell', and see you later as you do now no longer intend to attempt to remodel him, then in idea, you'll favor to now no longer have too many issues. word, though, that Jews can no longer attend Church centers; we are extremely no longer allowed to favor or worship in any non secular section diverse than a Synagogue. reliable fulfillment - you sound like a efficient man or woman :) *** Judaism is a matrilinear faith; it passes through skill of the mummy. So contained in the adventure that your husband's first better 1/2 is a Christian, then the babies weren't Jewish to initiate up with.

Answer 7

If your old enough to marry, then you should already have put your Mother in her place, this is your life now, you are leaving the nest to make one of your own. Thier isn't a religeon around that would say a woman would not be prouder of her husband standing up for her rights too, not to mention the children you might bring into this world.
'Any' God bless you.

Answer 8

Have two ceremonies - one Catholic and one Jewish. It can be done. As for the kids, the Jewish religion is that the kids follow the faith of the mother.

Answer 9

I feel for you guys I really do. Love your G-d and love your wife and love your children, in this order and leave religion out of it.

You're on a journey with no nicely paved roads. Slow down, proceed with caution, leave religion out of it completely or you will not finish the journey safely. You can't do things against your religion and claim to be of that religion.

Best wishes,

pup

Answer 10

If you are truly in love with each other... perhaps before you marry you both need to try a messianic Jewish congregation....and there you can discover the best of both worlds.