Child Support - temporary custody please read on!?

Question

I am a mom of two boys ages 15 & 20. My 20 year old moved out last year and is on his own. I am also stepmom to my hubbys 2 boys ages 9 & 10.

Anyway, my 15 year old has come to the age/stage in his life that he wants to live with his dad. His dad has been paying me child support off and on -still owes $10,000. (Anyway, I was not going to argue over the fact that he wants to live there and making necessary changes. ) I know kids must make their own decision and learn on their own.

Anyway, his dad is worried about getting child support. He called today stating he talked to (child support agency) and is requesting a copy of a letterfrom me stating I am closing the case. I told him I am not closing the case - IS HE NUTS? I replied "that I went many months without myself.

First of all, I have had him here for past 9 years myself since divorce - since this is new thing - I consider this a temporary arrangement for the school year to assure this is indeed what he wants.

His dad tends to disagree and wishes the case to be closed so I can pay child support. What are the legalities to this? Not that I don't want to help...however he does still owe and I do not think he should get off the hook.

I would think they would consider that and could perhaps have him pay very little or waive it for the time he is there. IS THAT FAIR ENOUGH?

Just want to get legalities of what I need to do - because I am NO WAY giving up custody - nor do I wish to close the case.
I AM NOT saying because he didn't pay me for a long time that I should do that too - I just want to advice from here. If I do need to type up some kind of letter for Dept of Child Support Agency - what do I need to say to assure the case is NOT to be closed but ammended - perhaps???

PLEASE HELP ME!

We are in Oklahoma if that helps.
No, I am not giving up custody
No, I am not going to close case.

I just want to know my rights!!

MONEY is NOT the TOPIC by my choice, but my X's. Yes, I will do all I can for my son as I always have. My X just keeps calling me weekly on this matter. It is getting monotnous - or old.

For the school year - it is strictly Temporary custody - as I am not giving up custody by NO MEANS. Just want to make sense of child support issue. Thanks.

Answer 1

I'm originally from oklahoma.. Custody and support are two diffrent issues. However, From my knowledge if you choose to give physical custody of your 15 year old son to your Ex, regardless of his past owed support.. to which he will still have to pay you will be required to meet the standards of care for a non custodial parent. So yes he will have to pay you your back child support, but in return he can also make a case against you for current child support owed to him. You can go to an attorney or DHS and sign waviers to prevent this, but it has to be done under mutual agreement.

Answer 2

There are a couple of things your husband might do. First, if his son is living in a renovated garage with no windows (no ventiliation), that may be an issue for Child Protective Services. You can report the condition of the child/clothes/hygiene and your concerns regarding that matter as well. A two-year old is too old to be wandering around in a onesie, filthy or otherwise. You may get CPS to help you get custody of the child. If $694 in daycare is not being spent on the child each month, then there should be no consideration for such an expense, particularly when his mother does not have a job. The amount of child support is calculated and then split between the two parents, based on the income of each. Each parent is required to make at least a minimum contribution (determined by the parent working 40 hours a week at minimum wage). You don't get off the hook simply because you have no job. The County Attorney's office probably has a special Child Support section that handles these things. Your husband should make an appointment and speak to an advocate. (An advocate is supposed to have the best interest of the child at heart.) Your husband can represent himself in Court (without an attorney). It's called "pro se" and is pronounced "pro say." He would go to Court (the Clerk's office) and file a motion to have the child support reviewed. He can at least challenge the "daycare" money, ask for receipts and suggest that the additional monies are not being spent on the child. You might take pictures of the child on subsequent visits to show the reasons for concern. Your husband can also ask for custody of the child. He can make a motion that he be the custodial parent and that the child live there with you and your child. If you want to go this route, he should make it very clear that his concern is wholly with the child and that he understands the need for generous visitation with the mother, but that he believes the child would be better cared for in his home. He can then make a detailed list of his concerns. It is important when he goes before the Court pro se, that he state only the facts and that he be able to prove what he claims. He should never make judgements, present opinions or tell the judge how to think or feel. These are just some thoughts and ideas. Much depends upon where you live and how these matters are handled in your state. I also wanted to say that while you make no mention of this in your post, the first thing that I thought of with regard to the mother's care of this child was drug/alcohol abuse. So keep that in mind, too.

Answer 3

I absolutely agree with TKinMI. Do not close that case. He will still have to pay you the back support even after your son is 18. That is money that he will owe until he pays it off. I'm not sure what state you live in, but here in PA, you can go down to the custody office and file to change the custody order. Then, you both have to appear for a mediation and they type up an order. You can express that you want this to be a temporary situation. Check into your local custody office and they can explain the process to you. There is a chance that you may have to pay him some support while your son is living there. That is the way that the system works. It sucks but at least if you have to, you know that you are doing the right thing, unlike your deadbeat ex who can't fulfill his responsibilities. Hang in there. Your son will come to understand what kind of man his father is in time. You don't have to say anything and you certainly don't have to remind him that your ex doesn't pay his support. It's a tough spot for kids to be and they don't need the extra frustation of being in between their parents business.

Answer 4

If he lives with your ex for more than 7 days at any one time(depending on the state) your ex can request a break in chilf support, if he lives there even temporarily, he can request support from you, and would probably get it. It does not negate his responsibility in paying back support owed to you though. He still has to pay it. Do not close the case if you ever expect to see this money. and if you truely want this temporary, go to court and make sure that is understood.


I came back reading some of the advice here, most very good. But I have been in a very similar situation. My ex actually wanted the kids and support UNTIL he found out that because of our income differences, he would get practically nothing. AND that he would have to still pay the 20,000 hw still owed. Changed his mind fast.
The best thing you can do is go to court, make the changes necessary to have the arrangement deemed temparory in the court of law, If ordered to pay support, pay it, don't not pay because he owes you, (they will issue a warrant), Just make sure the judge/court know he owes you arrearages, and how much he owes, and the last time he actually made a payment. He is responsible for that debt till the day he dies. They will take it from his Social Security check if they have to(don't laugh, It's been done to someone I know) Doesn't your friend of the court section have case workers that will advise you of your options? They usually can not tell you what to do, but only of your options. We have that here in MI, it's worth checking out.

Answer 5

Please stick to your guns about custody and that back owed support. Let your 15 year old try it out for a bit with Dad. Keep in touch and always talk with them. Despite time with the X, he will still owe you. The courts can decide further if your boy wants to stay with Dad, what they feel is fair with the money arrangement. I suggest you DO NOT close this case to cancel his debt. A paralegal may help answer questions without hiring a lawyer if money is an issue. Best Wishes!

Answer 6

Don't sign nothing & I'm sure the child support unit didn't tell him 2 get this letter from U of course U can't close it he still owes U back child support.If U want just write a letter stating your son lives there temporary & you will not close your case due 2 your ex owing back child support.Don't let him get away with this he sees this as away 2 see if he can get U 2 sign this paper don't be his Fool he owes U & You deserve that money.Good Luck

Answer 7

Since the laws on support and custody are different in every state your best bet is to call the child support office that you dealt with to open the case. The officer you speak with is there to do whats in the best interest of the child. Although I do know that at least in my state this is not always the case. If you don't agree with what they have to say contact your lawyer. You should also be able to get some info from their web site. Just do a search for the ODS office in your state.

Answer 8

If anything I would say you two would be even. He has no right to ask you for money when he still owes. Sounds to me like he's trying to get out of paying you. And I would think that legally they wouldn't order you to pay him if he owes you. If anything they could take some off of what he owes you for each month your son stays with him. That seems fare to me. You should bring that up to him and see if he agrees. Because he could end up serving jail time for that back child support. he should think about that. My step dad had to serve jail time for oweing back child support. Don't stree too much it should work out in your favor. He is in the wrong here.

Answer 9

Go and get an attorney. First, the father must have custody of this child, to ask for child support, and I hope that you are not going to give him that. Second, what is owed to you is what is owed, and what is determine by the judge at this point is totally different. DO NOT CLOSE the case of what was owed.

Answer 10

Im not sure he can really do that? I mean shouldnt he have to catch up on what he owes YOU before he starts asking YOU for money. Ugh. Child Support is ridiculous sometimes. Trust me I know. Im raising a 4 year old with no support. And they know where his father lives etc. Owns his own business and all. Im sorry your ex is being such an ***. Awesome job on letting your child choose and figure out in the end what his father is like. I know it must hurt being as your probably the one who took him to the doctors and sat up with him when he was sick.. Men Suck. I hope he doesnt get away with this!!! Good Luck.