Her father and I are against this type of behavior, both morally and religiously. She has always been in relationships with guys, and recently had her heart broken by the guy she truly thought she was going to spend her life with. The girl she has started this relationship with works with her and has been interested, so she says, in her for quite a while. I don't know if this is just curiousity on my daughters part, but regardless we are not handling it well. At this point I almost feel like a death has occured. Like I am greiving the loss of all the hopes that we have had for her. Slowly her group of friends is changing. In my heart I feel this is not who she is. To be honest it grosses me out and I no longer want her to even touch me, or kiss me goodnight like she has done everynight since she was a little girl. I would appreciate hearing from anyone else out there that may have gone through this.
2006-10-13 13:08:38 · 31 answers · asked by blaze06 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Woman...you have no idea how many mothers who have lost their daughters for real would give anything to be able to kiss them goodnight. Who cares in the great scheme of things who she is with as long as she is happy. Let her live her life the way she wants to and support her and be happy for her. Judge not lest ye be judged.
2006-10-13 13:12:34 · answer #1 · answered by dragonrider707 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It's not always a bad thing. My very best friend who's not talking 2 me these days (she has a reason) has these kinda relation with a girl but she handles it in a good way. She keeps everything togather and it's healthy.
I don't like the way you think of her kissing you or touching you. you shouldn't think like that. She needs you at this time.
And the good thing I think is that she still gives you a good-night kiss and it means that you still have the hope. I can't explain how it is a hope. But if I would be there, I'll take it as a hope.
i think there's nothing more important then living, no matter if you're with a guy or a girl.
I have question 4 you ma'm.
What you would do if she would have committed suicide? Would you like that? Do you have seen someone who has suicide? I have loose someone who did that and i know how it feels.
She's still with you and you should be happy 4 that. And you don't know what people could do when they loose everyone. He was noone 4 her and you know how it has hurt her and now would do you the same 2 her? Don't forget you're her own.
You gotta understand that there's nothing more entangled than a human mind. it's really hard 2 undertand a person.
Stand by her.
And ya, the guy Frank Castle told you the same thing as I, in short. And all has given you a good answer. The problem is yours, more then her. Sorry if I'm being rude.
2006-10-21 08:39:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're taking this way too seriously. She's just trying to figure out what makes her happy. You shouldn't blame yourself for her actions either. She is adult, but still young. The worse thing can do is destroy your relationship with her. Don't let this come between you and her. You don't have to be ok with it, but as long as she knows how you feel, you shouldn't make it an issue of it on a regular basis.
After a bit, she may realize that being a lesbian wasn't for her. This is likely, but she may decide to stay with this lifestyle if it makes her happy. If you leave her, than she will be isolated in and have no way back.
It may be against your instincts, but what she is doing does not make her a pervert or a sicko, she is still your daughter and the same person you raised. Give her time and space. There are many worse things she could be doing besides dating a girl.
2006-10-13 13:21:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the best way to handle this is to accept who she is. You said that she just got over a bad relationship, so instead of being mad at her, be there for her, because that's what she needs right now. Growing up in a religious family and surrounded by a closed-minded society, she already feels bad about being different. Everyday she's getting hate and ignorance shoved in her face, people telling her shes gross and a sinner...the last person she needs to hear this from is you. If you really love her, be there for her. She's still the same person she was before. I don't understand why people make such a big deal out of this. why does it matter who she loves, as long as she's happy? Reading that part you wrote about not wanting her to touch you...that made me so angry that i felt like crying; i actually felt bad for her. homosexuality is not a disease! Just because she's touching another woman, its gonna make u stop loving her?
2006-10-13 19:40:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, I for one, 'am' a lesbian. My biggest 'fear' when i 'came out' to my parents, was that they would "dissown" me for 'who' i was. I can understand your 'delima'...but think of 'her' delima as well. Right now, she needs you..wether or not she says so. She needs your support, and love, that only 'you' can give her. I was also in a marriage...yes, to a man....for 10 years, before I 'realized' that being married to a man, wasn't the 'right' thing that I needed to be doing. My parents didn't 'dissown' me... yes, they had a difficult time dealing with the fact that I am gay, but they 'dealt' with it, and got past it, and our relationship now, is stronger than it ever was. As for you saying that it "grosses me out and I no longer want her to even touch me, or kiss me goodnight like she has done everynight since she was a little girl.".... what is THAT !? She is (and will always BE) your daughter. There is nothing "on" her, that you need to be grossed out by. Nothing will 'jump off of her', and get on to you!! You said that you "feel like a death has occured"..... Have you forgotten all of the 'real' mothers out there, that DO loose a child every day ?! Can you 'see' your daughter now.... touch her, hug her, tell her that you LOVE HER???..... my guess, is 'yes'.... the mom's that have 'really' lost a child, cant do this. So... you need to let your daughter figure out who she wants to be...and if being a lesbian is "it".... then that's how it has to be. I'm not trying to tell you, that you are "wrong"... i understand that parents go through a rough time with this also..... but you need to change your ways of 'thinking'... and for God's sake.... back off with the "grossed out" stuff... that's just wrong !
2006-10-13 14:23:02 · answer #5 · answered by JSSK 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pray for her. Aside from reminding her that she wasn't made that way, and God designed us to me male and female praying may be the only thing that will bring about the right type of change. What she is doing is sheltering herself from further harm from men who can seemingly "drop" their relationships like a bad habit, not concerned with the devastation it caused in her life. People are not born gay, and I hate even using that term because to me it feels like a general term people use to say, "I'm different than you, deal with it." To me it's as ridiculous as simply one day saying, "I'm a cat," or "I'm orange." Obviously in your daughter's case she wasn't by any means "born" gay/lesbian. This was a choice she made, most likely as a defense mechanism, and it's probably easier for her to do that now because the whole planet is "turning gay" because of their own insecurities or problems. Therefore because everyone else is doing it, she is more able to jump on the boat. I am not beating you in the head with the Bible, God knows I need to get my life in better order, but I definitely feel that the change that she needs MUST come from within and not be forced into her life, because if you do that, she will resist you more, and in resisting you she will self-affirm that what she is doing "her life/the right thing." This would only set things back even more. I know that Christmas is coming up, and all the other get-togethers that occur throughout the year. Your have big decisions to make, and me being someone who has been around these situations (though haven't been in one directly) I have to say that my suggestion is to allow her to come over, and let her know you still love her. If she senses you don't care anymore then she will feel abandoned and take comfort only in her current relationship. She must know her family still loves her, but hates the sin that is surrounding her. If it were me, I wouldn't allow the other girl to come to your house simply because that is a major sign of acceptance and this will further inhibit your ability to set your daughter back on the right track. She must learn that not all men are bad, and at the age of twenty she has only scratched the surface of what life in a relationship could be. She will never be whole as long as she persists with her current status. Pray that God reveals to her the emptiness that she is hoping will go away. Pray that she begins feeling how wrong the sin she is in really is. And pray that God will break her heart down and remake it the way it was intended to be. You will no doubt get LOTS of people telling you to just accept her situation, accept that she is gay or whatever, but you will know the truth in your own heart, and changing to accept the negative will only increase the sorrow in the end. I'll say a prayer for your daughter and for you. When someone dies in sin, they truly die a terrible death in that they pay for an eternity. Thank God you and the family have been given the chance to save her (eternal) life.
2006-10-13 13:33:52 · answer #6 · answered by lallen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to read that you're taking it so hard.
To try and help you with this, please consider these questions:
- What did all your hopes for her include? If she could have all of that, with the only difference being no husband/man in her life, would you still be happy for her?
- How successful have people been in the past when they pushed their beleifs and lifestyle choices on others? Isn't tolerance, understanding and acceptance of our differences the right thing to do, no matter what your beliefs?
- It is not happening to you - it is happening to her. She is still the same little girl as alwasy, only all grown up. Is your love conditional?
Sounds like you really love your daughter. You really need to talk with your daughter. Check out this link below for more support. Keep on loving her, she's your baby and always will be.
2006-10-13 13:20:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've never gone through this, and I can't really imagine how you must feel. And I'm sure you're going to get lots of people who will tell you to just accept it and get on with your life. But I just want to encourage you--because you did say you disagree "religiously" about this--to love your daughter despite whatever is going on right now. I am not sure if you are a "Bible-believing Christian", but even though the Bible says that such sins are an abomination, homosexuality is just that--a sin, just like ANY other sin, even so-called "small" sins, like the ones that you and I commit, too. God hates all sin, but He loves sinners (which is why He sent His Son to die for us)! He came to save the lost, because it's the sick that need a doctor, not the healthy. So I would just really encourage you to LOVE your daughter, despite behavior that you might view as sinful and wrong, because though her behavior might be wrong, she is still your daughter and you are called by God to love her and forgive her 70 times 7. Seek the Lord in prayer about this and He'll help you to love her through this time. God bless!
2006-10-13 13:46:59 · answer #8 · answered by littlenicky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, realize that she going through a rough time too, more than ever, she needs your love as parents. She is your flesh and blood. If she had been burned in fire and disfigured, would she gross you out then? If she was in an accident and could never move again, wouldn't you long to have her hug you and give you that good night kiss? In your heart, you know you love her...now show her.
If this is only a phase, it will pass. If she really feels this way toward other women, still love, because she is still and alive, and someday, who knows when, you may really miss her hugs and good night kisses.
2006-10-13 13:17:05 · answer #9 · answered by Diana'sman 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may have been in relationships with men in the past, just because she didn't know who she was. Most Gay people date women or men in the beginning because society tells us that our feelings are wrong. So we try not to draw attention to ourselves so we do what will make others happy. She probably got sick of hiding her feelings and wants to feel the love she thinks she deserves. The only thing you can do is pray and love her because she is still your daughter. That will never change. And i know she will always love you guys and all she wants is to be happy and if this is what she wants, and makes her happy, then be happy for her.
2006-10-13 13:28:37 · answer #10 · answered by Chadwick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋