Here's what happens:
The last girls I have asked out they all have refused, for some reason or another, but mostly because there's somebody else in their lives (so they say).
So once I've been rejected, I stop talking to the girl. I apply an "ice policy" to the girl. Not another Hi, not even a polite nod or good morning.
And I know this is wrong and immature. And I know that in the long run I'm sabotaging an otherwise wonderful friendship.... But I also know that I'm very proud, if not selfish.
So why I am doing this and how can I undo it?
2006-10-13 12:54:19 · 28 answers · asked by zap 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The reason that the girls are turning you down is they can tell that you have the personality that turns icy when the girl doesn't do what you want.
So you are your own reason that the girls do not wish to go out with you.
I am not attempting to be mean when I say this, just trying to tell you something you will not listen to or hear from others.
You need to get some self-confidence and stop being a baby and a loser. Only a loser blames someone else for not liking them and has an "Ice Policy"... that is so lame.
Once you have self-confidence the women will flock to it and if one doesn't then in your mind you will know it is her loss and you will be nice to her because you don't care because you have so many other options.
The NUMBER one thing women over 25 say that turns them on to a guy is his Self-Confidence. Not thinking he is god's gift to women, but just a natural self-confidence that he knows he is someone that women would like to be around.
How do you get self-confident? Make lots of money, get in shape, do something important, dress better...etc
Just stop being a loser.
Ice Policy? That is your problem right there... you have a policy? ...when you ain't gettin' it you still think you are important enough to have a policy with women ?
LOSER !! Be a man... get some self-confidence !!
Either that or stay home and masterbate... cause I think you are a lost cause.... leaves more for the rest of us... OH WAIT, the women turn you down anyway, so you don't make a difference to the rest of us with the women. L O S E R that spells YOU !!
2006-10-13 13:02:17 · answer #1 · answered by CTM 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋
You dont need to apply an "ice policy" but don't waste your time trying to be friends either. Just be friendly.
Take another look at yourself, how do approach them, how do you look, do you appear neat? Clean? groomed?
Despite what women say they do take appearances into account at first glance.
If you start being "Friends", you will end up spending all your time being "Friends" and never have the time to meet a girl who wants more than friendship.
Try spending some time talking and communicating with a girl first, find out if they are already in a relationship, and find out what their personalities are like and let them know what kind of person you are.
Don't call her on a regular schedule it makes them feel you are desperate.
Being Mysterious, and maybe just a little bad will intrigue her.
Its called Confidence.
Then ask her out. If she does go out with you DO NOT call her the next day. wait a couple days and then call. You will be much more successful because you have not appeared to be a stalker.
Don't let yourself become any girls "GAY FRIEND" who understands them and listens to them talk about the boyfriend who treats them badly. The friend who they would never think about having a physical relationship with because that would ruin a beautiful friendship. To Heck with that. You want to get laid sometimes too. so become the guy who they talk to their "Gay friend" about.
2006-10-13 20:31:30 · answer #2 · answered by smkwtrjck 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to change your approach and attitude. The key is "timing!" Love isn't ever "on time." Remember that. So, here's a tip. Next time you ask a girl out, don't set any limitations. Leave it open. Most all around nice girls are going to have a boyfriend. So, you are the "potential" new guy. One of the biggest issues is "control." Girls like to be their own person. If the boyfriend is making "conditionals" which equal less love and more ownership, girls become less satisfied with their relationships. You are the hero. You would never expect her to do anything. You just want to be in her company because you think she is wonderful, beautiful, and amazing! You SHOULD feel that way anyway. She is looking for someone who appreciates everything she is physically, mentally, and emotionally. She does not want a guy who "expects" something or some behavior from her. So quit expecting them to "go out with you"...right away. Patience. Say, "I think you are (say how you feel...be real...compliment everything you like about her). I would really like to take you out sometime." Tell her you are not interested in just being friends. Tell her to think about it. Ask her if you can call her. Then call and ask if she'd like to do something (now be specific). She might reject you several times before she says yes. It's ok. You want her to be ready for you anyway. BE PATIENT! Watch for clues that she is not interested as well. The clue is what she is willing to talk to you about. If it is personal and not about just work, that's good. If the conversations are lengthening...this is also good. If they aren't, quit. Quit now. Go on. It's ok! She is just not for you. Not enough in common to continue. Remember that it is not 2 dimensional as you are not "good enough" for her...well, maybe you're not. So what?! Got it?...
Hope this helps. Have a nice day :)
2006-10-13 20:12:20 · answer #3 · answered by navigate100 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's normal to feel rejected or embarrassed, so in the interest of self-preservation of your ego, you are acting rude and immature by ignoring the girls. I guess there's nothing you can do about it unless you are willing to make the effort not to be so self-involved. Just say hello. It won't kill you! The way I see it, if you care about the person you are going to treat them well. If it's so easy for you to apply an ice policy to them, that means you don't care about them at all. If you cared, you wouldn't want to be rude or to hurt their feelings the way you have been.
2006-10-13 19:57:35 · answer #4 · answered by nido_tr3s 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say you are doing this because of the rejection. I would say that you need to stop being so proud of it, and realize that perhaps if you become friends with a girl first....it might turn into something more. Or another girl will see how great you treat other girls...
2006-10-13 19:56:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not only are you sabotaging an otherwise wonderful friendship, you are sabotaging any chance of her ever considering you in the future. She may break up with her boyfriend....then what? She's not gonna even consider you because she will think you're childish. Don't let your pride get in the way, think about it. Women love men that won't give up on them. My ex boyfriend asked me out 5 times in a year until i finally gave him a chance, we were together for 5 years after that.
2006-10-13 20:00:58 · answer #6 · answered by CherBear 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You seem to be very smart because you know that it's not the right thing to do. But what if by chance a girl has changed her mind & wants to go out with you(I have a daughter so this does happen) they might be too turned off by your attitude to tell you.Try & act like it does not bother you(it will be hard) say hello & then they will see a guy thats confident & really nice.
2006-10-13 20:00:15 · answer #7 · answered by gitsliveon24 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey the key to changing behavoir is to admit that you need changing. We are all a work in progress. We all need to be working on our personal issues and no matter how old we get we are refinning our personal qualties.
You are bright eough to start changing. Analyze how you respond to things and gradually see yourself mature.
And remember, that girl who you turned icey to, might be without a boyfriend in a few months and she will either remember you and think, what an assssssssssssszzz or she will remeber you and think.....wow he was a really mature amazing guy.
The choice is yours.
2006-10-13 20:00:06 · answer #8 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you try getting to know the girls as a friend first, make them wonder 'Wow why isn't this this guy like all the other guys and asking me out' then they start to think....man this is a really nice guy. Then before you know you get to know them, and know for sure if they are someone you would want to date, and the same thing goes for themm
Oh and don't act too desperate, that could be your problem too
2006-10-13 20:16:09 · answer #9 · answered by Beautiful disaster 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
it's called self sabotage it has nothing to do with pride it has everything to do with ego. If it was pride then you would want to hold yourself to a higher standard. ego says I'm hurt and I don't want to play with you anymore. keep sabotaging your happiness it will make the doctors and the shrinks happy to get your money. grow up we all can't get what we want and your throwing away a lot of good people. If you were still nice to them then when they aren't seeing any one then they may want to go out with you.
2006-10-13 19:59:22 · answer #10 · answered by autumnbrookblue 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋