ok ... so I started dating this nice guy recently. I like him. He likes me. He wanted to go out tonight and I said no, and explained why.
Friday night is my detox from my awful boss and stressful job night. I like to come home, order in some pizza or chinese, have a glass or two of wine, take a bubble bath and then relax in my jammies while I watch some movies on cable and fall asleep early. I also do my laundry on Friday night. It's my night to not deal with anyone or anything but me. If I ever do go out on Friday night, its to get my nails done and rent a movie or something.
All week long I meet everyone else's needs, and Friday night is my time for me. I need this one night all to myself in order to stay sane and balanced.
He wants me to meet him in the city tonight and was practically whining about it. I offered to meet him tomorrow instead. He got pissy with me, and made some uncalled for remarks about my lifestyle and some "changes" I should make.
2006-10-13 11:42:57 · 13 answers · asked by BoomChikkaBoom 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He said that I am "setting up a wall". Uh, no ... I'm perfectly fine with going out any of the other 6 nights of the week, and anytime on Saturday or Sunday during the day. I just like to have my Friday nights to myself. I don't think this is strange.
I'm really pissed about the comments he made about my job. I have personal reasons for keeping this job at this time, as it is necessary to my future plans.
He went on and on about my "boundaries" and how I "should" relax (by going out). That's not how I like to relax.
I would love to keep dating this guy, but if every Friday night is gouing to be a struggle with him .... forget it.
2006-10-13 11:46:48 · update #1
If it were for a special activity like a concert or something, I would make an exception ... but it's not. He just wants to go out to eat.
2006-10-13 12:02:05 · update #2
It's good that you have one day to yourself, and its perfectly healthy and normal. He doesn't know what he's talking about, that's its some "wall". You know yourself much better than he does. He sounds very peculiar and picky, not a very attractive feature. I say move on.
2006-10-13 11:52:05 · answer #1 · answered by Psylence 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's him.. He is selfish and if he cannot understand that you need time to yourself, then maybe it's time you start entertaining the idea of seeing someone else. At the same time though, I don't think it would hurt for you to break your usual routine for one night. If he asked you to do this every week, then I could see why you said No. But for him to make unnecessary remarks about how you choose to spend your free time, is very uncalled for and shows that he's selfish. He should have been a little more understanding. I guess he just really wanted to spend some time with you. Maybe his way of thinking was "If she really liked me or wanted to be with me, she could at least hang out for one night." You should think about all I've said and decide what's best for you. But there is no reason for him to criticize you over this. I would find someway to make it up to him. Make him feel extra special by cooking him dinner or buying him a small thoughtful gift. Maybe flowers will do it! But if it's not worth the hassle and if he cannot understand that you at least need ONE night to yourself, then he needs to go. He's being a little controling and overdemanding to tell you what you should do with your spare time.
2006-10-13 11:52:10 · answer #2 · answered by melcar12345 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He didn't ask you out every Friday, why couldn't you compromise this week and go out with him. Isn't that what being in a relationship is all about? You are being just a tad bit unreasonable. Over dinner you could have explained to him how important it is to you to have "ME" time. If you really like him any time with him should be considered special. You could watch movies, do laundry and get your nails done on Saturday. Or why didn't you just invite him into your world and allow him to come over and watch a movie with you. May be he just wanted to see you.
2006-10-13 12:24:26 · answer #3 · answered by juicie813 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget him, if he can't deal with something as simple as letting you have one night to yourself early on in this relationship then it will only get worse in the future. Funny how you are the one who needs to do all the changing, wonder why he can't change his life style instead and just be happy right now getting to see you any night but Friday. I suspect this guy is the type who is all take and very little give in life and I think your looking for someone who sees you as an equal and respect who you are.
2006-10-13 11:50:38 · answer #4 · answered by rkrell 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suggest that you break it off with him completely - here is why.
When I was dating my wife, I told her that I needed to spend some "me" time from time to time - she thought that I was living a double life and a secret life and things began to escalate. I knew she was not playing with a full deck - but I wasn't playing with a full deck either. Things keep escalating to the point that I would up in a jail cell (I skipped a lot about marrying her and the like).
Even as I write this message today, I enjoy the "me" time - but I don't think this involuntary separation will make her realize that she has had "her" time while raising our child. When the involuntary separation ends - I'm inclined to not return to an environment where I could make a return trip to jail. I do not consider myself a control freak or selfish - but I know what I need to do so I can remain in my comfort zone - you know yours - do not compromise them for anybody.
I hope this helps....
2006-10-14 13:19:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like , he has some control issues. Maybe, on the other hand,
he is just used to getting his way. Is he the only boy in his family, or maybe
he is used to being pampered by his mother. Take some advice from someone who's been through this same situation. If Friday night is your
night and you like it that way, tell him that you would be happy to accomodate
him on another night. I'm sure he has times that he likes to watch the game,or races, or whatever. That's his time, Friday night is yours.
2006-10-13 11:56:04 · answer #6 · answered by earlene w 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you just started dating, it's way too early for him to get "pissy" or expect you to make lifestyle changes. Now, if you two are dating and are thinking about becoming exclusive, then you may have to rethink your routine. Until then, your time is your own! Plus, he needs to control his comments and the uncalled for remarks!
2006-10-13 11:49:56 · answer #7 · answered by Apple21 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely 'right on'. I like the fact that you know yourself and your needs, and you behave in a way to satisfy them. Any new dating partner should respect that. From what you say, I'd have to say he is pretty selfish and naive. Be careful here. This does not forbode a future with him if all he's interested in is his needs. First of all, he's not listening to you.
2006-10-13 11:46:59 · answer #8 · answered by Arnold M 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Precedences, and priorities. If you both like each other enough there is always compromise. Just be careful the precedences are not all his and the compromise all yours.
2006-10-13 11:49:26 · answer #9 · answered by mld m 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to bug off...I think your idea is great and i may have to start doing that for myself....
2006-10-14 21:47:35 · answer #10 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋