what do you think of single mothers on benefits?

Question

All my friends call me a chav, My husband left me when I was pregnant and now I live on a council estate. I always worked when I was with my husband but havent done since we split, mainly because of having a baby not finding suitable child care etc. Id love love love to go back to work and I am about to take my driving test so im not limited to iceland and spar, not that there is anything wrong with that. I think my friends have got a cheek what do you think am I now your stereo typical chav.

lemmysbab i dont need to give you a bad name you have done that your self, just read your questions love, o dear.

Answer 1

Your lazy theres no reason why you should not get a job,I'm a single mum with 3 kids and a 7 day a week job.Stop making excuses and giving us all a bad name.

Answer 2

Your situation is different than most. But there are some people out there that take full advantage of the system for a free ride. Take the problem we had over here with Hurricane Katrina which destroye New Orleans. They gave out debit cards to all the victims with hundreds to thousands of dollars on them. Yet when they tracked the spending thay had some people using them for Strip clubs, $200 Gucci purses, Hot tubs, etc. Now is that what you would call an imediate NEED?

But of course you have to realize that is all that you ever here about. No one talks about the ones who actually use it for what they are supposed to. There will always be a few people who make it look like everyone does that. I knew one lady here that had 5 kids by 5 different men. All 2 to 3 years apart. Why? Because here we have a law that says when your youngest turns 3 you have to get a job and put them in daycare. So she just kept having kids to increase the ammount she got from the State.

Perhaps you could get together with other single parents and "trade" day care by watching each others kids 1 or 2 nights while they work and they can watch yours while you work. That will free up the day-care expence to make the transition easier. And hopefully by the time the child reaches school age you will have worked yourself up to a point where you can fully support them.

Answer 3

I'm not sure what a chev is or what a council house is but those are just words . Honey you should not worry about what other people think . The fact that you want to work is all that matters . If you know that you are a good mom and a good person that's all that matters too . My hubby passed away 15 years ago when I was living far away from any family or friends, my son was only 1 year old, I was working only part time and trying to pay all the bills . Without getting help from state funds I would have never survived after my husband passed . I know that 15 years ago seems like a long time ago and it is, but you get all the help you need . ((( Hugs )))

Answer 4

Listen, we've all been there. My ex left me when was pregnant and I went into a council flat. The ex turned his nose up and everything, but what business was it of his? Anyway, the place was a sh*thole but I made it good (out of fresh air). I was on benefits and did the staying at home thing, but got so bloody bored, so I decided to do an evening class in something completely different. I did that for a year (which took up a lot of time) and on Saturdays did voluntary work. It was good because I knew I was doing something positive, both for the community and for myself.

When J was 18 months old I went on to do a daytime college course. I was still on benefits but again, it was a means to an end and I wasn't just sitting on my ar$e watching Trisha. J and I got the mental stimulation we needed (she went to creche, which at that age she was *just about* ready for) and I got a few more qualifications under my belt.

Anyway, I've since gone on to do a degree and J is now older and at school and a lot less dependent on me in the way that they are when they're tiny.

Ignore your friends. Your intention is there, right? You know that life is only going to get better if you make it, right? And when the time is right then you'll do what you can.

I swear to you that there are some mothers I know on this estate who can't quite understand that there is a world out there beyond the bloody kitchen sink. And all they have to talk about is the bloody cleaning. And that is hardly inspiring to their kids, is it? My mum was one of these, ambitionless and on benefits all the time, and so we had no positive role model from which to be inspired. (Mine generated at a young age. It's the capricorn in me I think.)

Listen, don't sweat it honey. You're doing one positive thing at a time and sometimes you have to be on benefits while you sort yourself out so there's no shame in that. It's those that EXPEXT nothing more than a handout that should be sweating.

Answer 5

Some friends. Ditch them and try to make new ones.
Who cares what other people think? A lot of us are in the same boat. Thank God we don't live in the States where they let kids starve and live on the streets - mothers only get welfare for a year.
Why should my lad be punished because his Dad was a selfish jerk?
You're right not to go back to work until you can find decent childcare. If you went back before your child was at nursery, or left your kid with an unsuitable carer, you;d be critisised for that.
You can't please other people, so get some mates who live in the real world and who know that when men walk, women and kids pay.

Best of luck with your jobhunting. You'll find you get loads more in tax relief than on benefits whatever the job, you only have to work about 20 hours a week to be better off!

Oh, and get a registered childminder, you get tax relief on that too...

Answer 6

no, it's not your fault your hubby left is it? being a parent is hard enough with 2 adults supporting the child. You are willing to work, not like some people i know. childcare is very expensive, nearly all your weekly wage will go to the childminder. i'd stay at home with your child until they start school/nursery, then get a part time job while they are at school, that way you don't miss out on all the little things a child does as a baby.
If your friends call you a chav, fine...let them, your spending quality time with your child, and are willing to work, so what if you live on a council estate? as long as you and your lil one are happy thats all that matters.

Answer 7

i think you need to take stock of your friends dear. i come from a council estate and a lot of good decent people do live on them still. you would need to find a job with 16 hours or more to make it worth going to work. do you have an relatives, a grandparent who could look after the nipper for that amount of time. if not try to do a few hours voluntary work to keep your hand in try the web link below. volunteer work for them can be done from home or short visits. the advantage of this is it fills the gaps in your employment history untill the young en is old enough to go to school and you can find part time work. employers these days do not like to see gaps in a work history

Answer 8

The Great thing about our country is the fact that we try to take care of people in need. You sound as though if circumstances were different you would be able to support yourself. Things will get better for you and you will feel better about yourself . Take care of your child, bring her up to the best of your ability and when you can get back to work. I personally was bought up on a council estate there's no shame in that. The trouble is people do abuse the system. Good luck

Answer 9

no not at all. who needs friends like that. you have paid your taxes. enjoy your kids growing up hun and when they are old enough , go back work then. whats wrong with a council house? its a roof over your head. they have the wrong idea of a chav. im sorry ur husband left you when you was pregnant that sucks big time but if you had said im banging kids out all over the place because you want a bigger council house or for more benefits i would agree with them but NO way are you a chav or a benefit scrounger

Answer 10

It depends, the single mums who keep pumping children out should be steralised, I often see these mums pushing their kids in buggies, we call these mums bag of crisp mums. I used to be an Income Support officer and these mums used to allways be at the counter.
You seem to have ended up a single mum and that was not how you had planned it, in your case you are not a bag of crap or a chav.
Your so called friend needs a kick up the ar5e.
Good luck with the driving test and hope you get a job with some standing. Just remember you can not by class, you were born with it or not.
Tell your mate to shut up or to find herself a new friend. Give her enough rope, she will hang herself and 1 day. When her luck is down, just remeber to rub it in as she has done.

Answer 11

I don't think that you are a chav, I think that single parents get a bad rap because of a minority. I watched "Britain's youngest Parents" the other night and saw one lad say that it was his "right" to have 5 children at the age of 21 and his life was fulfilled with all of his children (he was living on £1500 benefits per month in addition to free rent and council tax) it's just a shame that he doesn't see the other side of the story where people like me have to go to work for 45 hours plus each week and pay income tax to pay for his "right" to have children. I happy that his life is fulfilled it's just a shame that mine isn't....