I dated a guy for about 2 yrs and was physically abused for about 18 months. Its been about 6 mo now since we broke up. I haven't seen him in 4 mo becuase he moved to his Dad's house in AL (long story). After we broke up we still talked on the phone like usual and had sex til he moved. Its been 4 months since I last spoke to him, I finally said **** it and over 2 days I had 326 missed calls from him. That was the last time he tried to contact me. I went thru a time when I hated him and didn't even want to think of him existing. But recently he has been the only thing on my mind. It's true some of the time I went through hell with him, but other days were best experiences of my life. I want to call him and just see what he's up to, if his transition went smoothly. What should I do? Can abusive guys change for the better? Im not trying to get back with him, just be friends unless he seriously changes. I know he still thinks about me cuz his AIM password is still my name+anniversary date.
2006-10-13 11:06:43 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
to answer your question: no.
now answer mine: why are you being a glutton for punishment? I could never understand the whole "i know he put me in the hospital with a black eye and broken rib....but they healed!" type mentality. Not saying he can't change himself for the better, but instead on being there for him...how about you learn to be there for you and make sure what ever you had going on with you that ALLOWED him to mistreat you is no longer there. Otherwise, history will repeat itself.
2006-10-13 11:11:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not go back if I were you, or even call him - if he was abusive then, he will be abusive now, unless he has had some serious therapy since you saw him last.
It sounds to me as if you are lonely and bored, get busy - volunteer in your community, get busy doing something else, take a night class or something, but for heaven's sake, don't go back to an abusive man just because you have nothing better to do!
2006-10-13 18:19:41 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you allready know the answer to this but if you are just as messed up as he is and like to be abused then yes go back otherwise i would seriously get some counseling after all you were abused and prolly have some issues you need to deal with otherwise you wouldnt be asking this question. and no abusive guys dont usually change unless they get serious help for a long time or else do everybody a favor and just die
2006-10-13 19:03:18 · answer #3 · answered by chester 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Abusive men usually treat you like a possesion. They control you and brainwash you. it sounds like his brainwashing is working. He will not stop abusing you. He can't. It would not be manly for him to do so. don't go back. if you do you'll never be able to get away until either he kills you or you kill yourself. I know these things from experiences of a friend I had to keep safe from her ex. I had to put him in the hospital 3 times before the law would grant her a restraining order. Just say no!
2006-10-13 18:46:16 · answer #4 · answered by flashpro 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh please, so what if his aim is still your name! i also was abused and sure there were good times too. just like you talk about. but! have you been involved with anyone else since you were with him? if you haven't i think that perhaps you are just lonely and looking for the familiar. as to your question can an abusive man change? i have to ask you, are you willing to take the chance to find out? i sure hope not! let it go and find someone that wont beat up on you. you deserve that.
2006-10-13 18:14:19 · answer #5 · answered by here to help 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How abusive was he exactly?? but i know what you mean except my ex wasn't that abusive mainly verbally.He also cheated for that long. And i too lost my virginity to him. i stuck with him for about 1 year and a half. no matter what we went through i had to let him go. it wasn't safe in the long run. we still talk he says he's changed and i want to believe him because i still have feelings for him(he was my first) but I've moved on to someone else who treats me better and that's what you need to do
2006-10-13 18:31:25 · answer #6 · answered by missie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a few friends who were abusive to their spouses. It only got worse until the girls left them. The one still acts that way with his new girlfriend and the other remained single.
2006-10-13 18:13:15 · answer #7 · answered by Michael K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all you guys and girls that said a guy can't change from being abusive, i have 1 word
SEXIST
of course an abusive guy can change, but it will take hard work and dedication. if that is something you're willing to do, go for it
2006-10-13 18:17:38 · answer #8 · answered by pimpin around the world 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The one you lost your virginity to, you will always have love for him, But dont get back with him if hes abusive. Just because you lost it to him doesnt mean you have to get with him. There will always be a love for him, but not to that extent
2006-10-13 18:10:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't open that can of worms..Men like that don't change. Yhey say they will or have ,but they DON'T..Been there done that and it only gets worse. so go find someone who will be good to you and treat you with the respect you so richly deserve. Good Luck
2006-10-13 18:15:04 · answer #10 · answered by GreenEYED Beauty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋