should we take our lil girl to the funeral?

Question

she is 27 months. we have no sitter. i dont belive in taking a child to a cemetary. just gives my the willies..

husbands side

thanks for all your imput. i will not be taking her. she is to little, and not one to stay still. i found a sitter. i believe she is better off being taken care of at home( sitters) rather than seeing people mourning and crying. that makes her sad when shes sees someone have a boo boo or crying.

Answer 1

You shouldn't take her. You should hire a sitter for that day because the last thing that you want is a crying or screaming baby when everyone is in mourning. It is very rude.

Answer 2

I would think it depends on the circumstances. Is it closed casket or open? Is it in an area where she can be given something to do and be easily entertained or where you can subtly slip off for a bit if she gets bored and antsy?
Is this a funeral of someone close enough that it would be a problem for family if you did not attend?
In my opinion, there is nothing at a cemetary to get the willies about regarding children- but depending on the personality of the child, oyu might want to be careful how much "death is a part of life" you expose them to at one time. I went to my first funeral, which happened to be open casket at about 13 years old, I was fine but my sister completely freaked out. When my brother died, my sister in law put his baby on the body (THAT gave me the willies- just because it was weird and completely unnecessary)
Funerals are more for the living than they are for the dead so I would just use discernment regarding how close oyu are to the family and what role you play whether you need to be there or be home with your precious baby.

Answer 3

When my son was like 2 i did take him to the funeral home (My uncle died) and stayed just for about 10 minutes not because of my son (He behaved well, didn't cry) but that of me cause i was too sad to stay.

But i did take my son to his great papas wake when he was 4 and he didnt understand the concept of the death and he stood and poked at my papa so i suggest not taking the at that age. He said mommy i am trying to wake him up and after that i left. I will not take a child back until he better understands (he is 5 now)

Do what you think is right.

Answer 4

Every child deserves the right to grieve. Under your daughters circumstances and her age I don't see it as a necessary thing. If she was a little older and knows the person well I would bring her. At her age of 27 months she may become loud from being bored causing disruption to those who are their to grieve their loss. I would ask friends or family (other children who are older who may not be going 15+) to help with your daughter during the funeral and burial.

Answer 5

For me, I wouldn't want to take a child that age to a funeral. I don't think it would affect him - but I think it could be a problem. I mean for the people grieving - they should have their time to grieve without being interrupted by a child. And a kid can't help it - he's a kid. I think that it's a solemn time and it's supposed to be for the family and close friends. Kids really don't have a place there.

Answer 6

If the child knew the person, I would take her, one day you are going to have to explain death to her and you might as well start now because, she needs to know. My daughter was just over two when her uncle past away and with us explaining it it was easier for her to understand how come we were . I know it gave me the willies to but it is going to happen sooner or later. Or you can find out what everone else is doing with there younr ones in the family.

Answer 7

when i was small i was not allowed to visit my great grandfather's gravsite for the burial part of his funeral. and then a lady died that i spent a majority of my time with never had a funeral. i had nightmares about them for years and i cannot help but wonder if this is why. and funerals are for the living, not the dead. the child is part of the family too. and nothing helps people look ahead like a child. and i had a couple 'too proper for their own good' female relatives think it was inappropriate that i took my children to their great great grnadmother's funeral. i say to hell with them, it is the few people like them that give the rest of us hangups. what was i supposed to do? tell my children she 'disappeared'? get real. life is life and you have to take everything that comes with it. and sadly enough, it seems as though most families only see eachother at weddings and funerals. do you want kids to miss out on that? it always made me feel terribly excluded and alienated from family members when it felt as though everyone sees them but me. from an adult still struggling with her inner child, take the kid.

Answer 8

No matter where you take your child you should talk to her and let her know what is good to do there and what is bad. She will understand more then you think. You can excuse yourself with your daughter and just stand in the background, at least you are still there to show your respects. Don't underestimated teaching your child manners for ALL situations. They need to learn.

Answer 9

well you have no sitter but if it is against your beliefs maybe call an angency or a day care but maybe this would be a good time to talk to her about death shes gonna have to find out someday

Answer 10

Only if you are confident that she will not disturb the mourners. Remember, this is a very difficult time for them and they need peace and comfort from everyone.