what am i doing wrong here?

Question

i am beautiful educated and talented and always get much attention from the opposite sex, but there's one little problem: the men i attract all have the same things in common... they are always unavailable and become available when it suits them. even when i was married (i'm 26) my husband made little effort to hang out with me. i'm a fun loving person, genuine so i don't understand why they do this to me. i have now come to a breaking point! i have to put myself first.... could it be that the reason why i do this is because i never question them?i ignore all the things the guy i'm with does cuz i don't want to appear clingy or argumentative.. i feel like i don't want to make any waves.. i feel the guys genuinely do care, but assume everything is okay cuz i pretend it is and in the end i become resentful and leave them without an explanation. how can i stop this pattern? what are your suggestions? i'm tired of being quiet. help, please

Answer 1

I think you may have to grit your teeth, and look at some issues that may be lingering, from childhood. Perhaps your relationships are a reflection of your relationship with your father. I found a similar pattern in my relationships; it wasn't until I "faced the music", that I was able to jump off the merry-go-round. Now, I'm in a relationship with a wonderful man, who I know truly cares about me.

My advice is to "cool out" for awhile, maybe a couple of years w/o dating, or a relationship. You really have to get to know, what do YOU truly want, in a relationship, and then practice communicating that, as you get to know someone new. But, get to know yourself first, and what your own boundaries are....

Good Luck, and have fun!

Answer 2

I think just knowing what you deserve and believing you can have it - that will attract it into your life.

You are the creator.

You will automatically start to do the right things and bring the right people into your life if you are confident and determined that you will settle for nothing less.

Don't just want it - tell yourself you have it. This is more than just positive thinking, but the basic idea. The world is like a mirror reflecting your thoughts, feelings and actions back to you in the form of all kinds of circumstances and people.

You have to be you and get what you want. If your man thinks that is clingy or if it makes waves, then too bad. He is not for you.

Answer 3

firstly, your probably not a clingy person and not jealous which is fantastic. jealousy is an awful trait to have and it doesn't seem like your dealing with jealousy issues. But what you are doing is holding all your feelings inside without sharing them with your partner. Is it to avoid a problem-maybe. But as something builds and builds thats where the resentment comes into play. You need to figure out a way to filter your emotions in a compassionate way, in order to have your partner understand. You do have great qualites about yourself so you should not feel insecure that you may start an agruement. As a strong positice woman you should speak your mind - but when you do speak with compassion and care. Speak to your men the way you would like to be spoken. with respect.

Answer 4

You continue to have the same problem because you continue to do the same thing over and over. If you accept unacceptable behavior you will get unacceptable behavior. If you are all the things you are and you believe what you say is true then act that way. You shouldn't give anything you are just to be with a man. The right man will let you be who you are and they will love being with you!

Answer 5

Wrongs may be diverse between cultures and can replace over the years. some cultures have faith that categorical food must be arranged in a undeniable way and it extremely is incorrect to do otherwise. that faulty my have stepped forward before refrigeration became obtainable and so could not be suited. however, there'll be some who save on with the custom in basic terms by way of fact it worked for earlier generations. for those that believed in the prefer for racial purity some people it became incorrect to have integrated faculties, shared eating places and lavatories. for those that believed in male superiority, it was once incorrect for women people to assume equivalent pay. For populations that have been dying by way of fact of affliction or dying in conflict and organic disaster, it is effortless to think of that homosexuality became discouraged by way of fact it diverted sexual means from reproduction. i've got faith that in case you examine the ten Commandments you will discover that each became defined to deter strikes that tended to have undesirable outcomes for those societies at that factor and in all probability nonetheless does. in many cases, in basic terms as you have defined and to the stepped forward international of the twenty first century, those undesirable outcomes look extremely logical. In Biblical cases, in basic terms some understood the best judgment or had the expertise. Moses became very smart certainly and knew that the long suffering Tribes could in no way have believed he ought to for my area have such expertise yet whilst he defined those by way of fact the words of God, properly . . . . . .

Answer 6

Dang, girl you you said alot, but my biggest advice to you would be, for you to go find a good Christian church, and get some counseling , I see so many women who feel that exact same way as you, and there is help, but it's nothing I could post on a yahoo answer board.

God Bless
RS

Answer 7

Well Shamzy they say if you write down your thoughts you get a better perspective when you read it back. Your answer lies in your question. You need to become more assertive, not passive and certainly not aggressive- just assertive! Communication is the key - often and honest...

Answer 8

Be clingy n argumentative if u want to. Dont u want to be needed and argued with!

Modern women must play to win.

Answer 9

Focus on doing what you want, and if someone wants to come along, all the better. Dont spend your time thinking about them, let them think about you.

Answer 10

YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD..DONT BE QUIET, SPEAK UP IF YOU DONT LIKE THE WAY YOU ARE BEING TREATED. THEY'LL DO IT TO YOU ONLY IF YOU LET THEM.