I have a boyfriend who says he loves me very much but when we fight he goes over to his friend's house then fills his life with poker games, watching sports and "hanging out". This goes on for days, sometimes longer which upsets me and makes our problems worse. Why does he do this and what can I do to fix the problem?
2006-10-13 10:25:35 · 16 answers · asked by BLANK 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Guys are totally different when it comes to emotion. They deal it differently and they expect different behaviors as well from us.
I think, the best thing when you guys quarrel is, let him take his own time off, don't keep bugging, i know that seriously makes them a lot more angrier.
Lots of problem could be also from us...maybe something that he doesnt like and u keep doing it makes it worse. Try to compromise on this because some guys are like that.
They need time to calmn down.Let him take tat time . Its not fair to demand something which he is not. Maybe thats the way he likes to deal with it.
As for now, since he isnt in good mood, you can be supportive, send him one message that you understand how he feels, and that you are waiting for things to get back normal and apologize even it wasn;t your fault.
When he sees you are understanding, trust me if not now sooner or later it would be different he would open up more to you.
Talk once he is calm, once u guys are a bit more settled. There are lots of other times you can discuss in a relaxed and happy manner.
Please, once u discuss, dont remind wat he did, and dont repeat more than once!. Guys hate repetition! Go his way to make him understand.
2006-10-13 10:47:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anne H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We guys tend to want to get away and chill out when we get mad. We know if we stay and try to "work it out" while we're angry we'll just end up yelling and getting more angry. When you're angry you don't think properly and you say things you don't mean. A few hours or a day is one thing but several days or longer is a bit excessive. He may also just be using it as some time to get a little space for himself. Just try to chill when he does that and enjoy the time to yourself, go out with some of your friends or have them over to hang out with you and enjoy the space yourself. If he loves you he will be back and you can both discuss the problem when your calmer and more rational.
2006-10-13 17:34:49 · answer #2 · answered by Tower of T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To keep from getting physical with you...
He is attempting to control his emotions by venting elsewhere... This is a GOOD THING... Let him have his space so that he doesn't do something that might harm you.
What you need to do, is allow him to vent and not nag him to violence. Either doing or saying something he will regret later.
Anger is a very peculiar emotion. It will lash out when you didn't intend to do it had you not allowed your emotions to get the better of you.
So when he gets upset and walks away from you in anger. Let him GO. Cool off, when he gets rational again. Talk to him in a civil manner without letting your emotions get out of control.
2006-10-13 17:33:32 · answer #3 · answered by James B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Baby if he can not be a man to talk things out with you than maybe he is not the right one for you. But if you tolerate him doing this than he will keep on doing it. Men only do what you allow them to do. Because If it was me I would be hanging out right with him until he talks with me. I would be sitting at the table calling his hand out and doing annoying things until he talks. Sooner or later he has to talk to someone whether its you or someone else. Let him know why can't it be you since your in love. Besides grown people shouldn't fight they should only disagree and come to a compromise. Do you scream and raise your voice at him like he's a child????
2006-10-13 17:32:45 · answer #4 · answered by Still_21_nheart 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
guys have this thing called ego's and you obviously know how to push his buttons.. but he also knows how to push yours as well and thats when he leaves with days on end. he knows that it gets to you thats why he does it.. my dad actually told my guy that.. one time we had got into a fight and i called my dad over to you know handle him.. my dad simply pulled him aside and i later learned that he adised him the next time i start acting crazy just leave dont get into a physical conflict simply leave for a few hours and i'll be so happy when he returns that i'll rather forget about what we were originally into it about in oppose to him walking out on me and not knowing where he is.. so the next time he walks outdont call his phone or bother his friends eventually he'll be wondering where you are and what youre doing andhe'll come running home
2006-10-13 17:33:38 · answer #5 · answered by P.G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does it because that's how he blows off steam
You can make it right by not worrying so much
The guy said he loves you, dont doubt thats what makes things worse
Leave him at what he has to do and dont pressure him to be ready to
tell you whats up.
Just take it easy you guys will be just fine.
2006-10-13 17:31:48 · answer #6 · answered by mits.galant_vr4 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because he knows it is better to be a jerk by ignoring you rather than be a jerk by losing his temper at you.
You can not fix him, and he is probably fine with the way he deals with things. So if you are not fine with it, then fix how you deal with it. Do the same girl things. Does his time away lengthen if you are bugging him about it?
2006-10-13 17:30:33 · answer #7 · answered by ridethestar 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its just the way he deals. I had a guy who would tell me "I am angry right now. Not about you, but stuff at home. I think I should just hang with my boys tonight and let things settle..." and he was cool.
2006-10-13 17:32:58 · answer #8 · answered by Mintygoodness1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LET HIM!! You'd rather he took his anger out on you!? He's doing that to control himself, which means that you have a responsible guy. Follow his lead, and stop taking your anger out on him. Some problems aren't really problems until you talk about them too much.
2006-10-13 17:29:04 · answer #9 · answered by Beardog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop fighting
most guys hate to argue like myself
when we say stop or be quiet
women tend to keep going so as not to shout or knock her head off, we leave to cool down.
we dont avoid the problem we avoid having to beat you down
take heed
allot of women dont
2006-10-13 17:28:04 · answer #10 · answered by Xae 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋