if ur gf or bf cheated on u for the first time in ur 6 year relationship, and she or he was very remorseful and showing it, would you forgive her/him? why or why not?
if u would, i imagine u'd expect him or her to 'make it up to u' somehow. what are some of the things she or he could do to get ur trust back? (obviously with time...)
serious answers only - please.
don't care for silly answers from people w/o enough life experiences... thanks! :)
2006-10-13 10:24:05 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
gf or bf was not caught... a confession was made and remorse for actions were demonstrated. cuz of length of the relationship and how good it's been until this, i think it's worth it to try to work it out. especially if both parties are willing. 6 years is a long time...too much to let go & too much to let it fall apart.
2006-10-13 10:42:36 · update #1
You know between just the two of us, I would. I know most people would say no but not me. I may sound stupid but if I love someone enough, I will forgive him. He doesn't even have to make it up or promise me anything, he's remorseful, isn't he? Thing is, if he loves you, he won't do it again. He'll think that next time he won't be so lucky and he'll lose you...
2006-10-13 10:38:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Considering that relationships are built on trust I think that I would have a VERY hard time forgiving that person. Personally, I think it also depends on the person, if the person is one that really isn't even remotely remorseful about it, then it's to the curb with them, however; if that person is remorseful then I think that there is that possibility that with time, the relationship could be what it was. It wouldn't go back over night, the relationship would have to be rebuilt from the beginning.
I think that some of the ways that trust could be built back up wouldn't neccessarily be with dinner dates and that sort of thing, because in the long run that is cheap and tacky. If the person really made an effort to really include the other person in their life, even more than before, and was just generally there for the other person, not to mention more considerate of the other, I think that those would be the best ways to win back a persons trust.
Time is sometimes the greatest healer.
2006-10-13 10:36:15 · answer #2 · answered by coconutsmh86 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first I would want to know if it was the 1st time they did or just the 1st time I found out. Personally I think it is very hard to be faithful and happy with one person for a very long time. Humans have desires that just might not get fulfilled by that one person that you are with. Now, if they had an affair I couldn't forgive them...if they slept with someone once then yes I could. There would be nothing they could do to earn back my trust it would just come back sooner or later. I can tell you one thing...if you start second guessing everything now anytime you are told that he went out with his friends or that some girl is just a friend he will do it again. If someone is always being second guessed and having to defend themselves they will figure that if they are being drilled day in day out about something they aren't doing then they might as well do it. If you are constantly wondering if he is still cheating that it is worth your sanity to walk away.
2006-10-13 10:31:53 · answer #3 · answered by SpecialK 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. There isn't much more to say than that. How would you react if the tables were turned? If you would forgive him then the fundamental problem has shown itself. You lack self respect. The primary reason that women cheat on men is because they do not respect themselves. They believe that that void they have inside will be filled by, pardon the pun, some dude. Then when they are with a guy for so long and they still feel that way about themselves, they figure they had the wrong guy so they try another and it still doesn't work, so they go back to the one they invested the most time with, usually because they have no choice because the other guy has already moved on because he got all he thought she could off from her.
Now, if you wouldn't forgive him, then you have no reason to assume he would forgive you.
Basically, you are SOL. That's why its good to just not cheat.
2006-10-13 10:25:45 · answer #4 · answered by letum_ante_dedecus 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Seriously if my bf cheated on me in our 6 year experience I will not even forgive him even if he show remorse because it shows me that he don't have a decent bone to stay loyal anf faithful in the 6 year relationship so why will he be faithful if I forgive him and pretend that this situtaion never happen? He will do it again in some time when we think he will chnage... I think most people say that they will trust the partner again but seriously I think not all people can trust the partner that cheated on them 100 percent again because there will always be scars there
2006-10-13 10:30:20 · answer #5 · answered by funkysha916 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that even if you can forgive the person that cheated...you need to be ready to forget too. No matter how much you say have forgiven them...it will always be in the back of your mind. Yes you may love them, yes they may be sorry but is that enough for you to move on? You might always be expecting them to "make it up to you" and that's not a good relationship to be in. If you can't trust the person you're with - no matter how much you love them - it's probably not the best relationship.
2006-10-13 10:30:09 · answer #6 · answered by kristinrance 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really don't know what would help with the trust issues. As you said, time. It will take a lot of time though and you have to ask yourself if you can handle thinking about it all the time because believe me you will. You will expect the person to basically kiss your *** for quite awhile which is understandable but it gets old for the other person and you might just end up with both parties being miserable.
Some people can get past it and some people can't. It depends on the person. Good Luck!
2006-10-13 10:28:59 · answer #7 · answered by Amaya 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I guess there isn't really a way to "make it up". I mean if you were the one cheated on wouldn't you always wonder if it'll happen again? Unless you can forgive & forget then I guess you can move on w/the relationship. I hope my husband never cheats on me but I can't control him. If he did I wouldn't want to know about it because I'd think that it had something to do with me. Most cheaters cheat because of their own selfish reasons or have low self esteem. 9 x out of 10 it isn't because of the person that they are in a relationship with. So, I guess you have to understand why it was done & how to keep it from happening again. Good luck.
2006-10-13 10:30:39 · answer #8 · answered by pattysez 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you have already answered your own question... stressing how remorseful he is. Speaking from experience, I don't believe things will ever be the same again.
Something that was there is now lost. I forgave, but never forgot. This is the single most treasured level of trust between two people, once it is destroyed, it will never return. Think long and hard... do some soul searching!
2006-10-13 10:53:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depends on exactly what they did to cheat. Did they sleep wtih someone else or did they just kiss someone else?
How much do you love them and can you sincerely trust them again?
I once cheated on an old boyfriend. He took me back, and I never did it again. I completely regretted the harm I caused him. So, sometimes mistakes are sincerely made. But you have to be sure that you won't secretly always resent him if you do forgive him.
If you want him to make it up with you, they can never see the person they cheated on you with again, and you relationship should be put on a probationary period where he's completely nice to you for a very long time.
2006-10-13 10:34:22 · answer #10 · answered by coletteraubal 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋