my mom and i are not on the best of terms right now. Today is her birthday and she hates her present. I got her the Notebook, she has not seen it and the new tim mcgraw cd...she hated that too. Also, my mom tends to get grumpy alot and she never appreciates what I do. One day when she went to work, I decided to clean the house, yes the whole house. I cleaned all three of the batrooms which i swept the floors, mopped them, cleaned the counters, cleaned the toliets, cleaned the showers in each bathroom. I also vaccumed both upstairs AND downstiars. When she comes home, she doesn't appreciate what I did...She ends up cleaning the house for 4 more hours.And i cleaned the house on MY time...but no she does not appreciate what i do. Any advice???
2006-10-13 09:59:29 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
IM 14 and i have to spend the whole weekend with her...what should i do??
2006-10-13 10:04:01 · update #1
Oh honey.
I don't know how old you are. If you still live at home or what.
It sounds like your mom has some issues.
It has NOTHING to do with you. That much is clear.
Don't go overboard, but do your best. Don't knock yourself out for her. Just hang in there.
I think you might want to talk to her though. Ask her if she's okay. Don't get angry, stay calm, be concerned.
Maybe invite one or two friends over for a surprise dinner? If you make it (taco salad, pizzas, some easy casserole) and tidy the house (make it presentable not sterile) she may be more receptive to you and your gift with friends around.
Don't ask for more until the whole birthday thing is over.
Find a calm, good time, to talk to her. Find out what's going on with her. (Do you have a dad? aunt? uncle? grandparent? you can get support from?)
This is a tough one.
Regardless:
1) Stay calm
2) Remain concerned
3) Insist that this is how you feel regardless of what the reality may be. (she may have a totally different p.o.v. which you have to respect too).
4) Remind her that regardless of whats been going on between you too, you still love her
You sound like such a sweet kid. My heart breaks for you.
Hang tough. Keep your wits about yeh!
2006-10-13 10:08:33 · answer #1 · answered by Oh, I see 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There are times in a person's life when he or she does not find satisfaction with themselves and therefore displaces their dissatisfaction onto others, usually those closest to them. There are many reasons that she may "hate" her present as you put. But, may I say that it is possible the she does not hate the present at all nor the giver. She may feel angry/sad because a deep personal birthday desire/wish has not been fulfilled or it may be that she has added another year to her life without achieving goals (realistic or not) that she set for herself.
As for cleaning the house for an extra four hours I offer the following explanation: cleaning is a form of control for some individuals. Even though I am sure you did a spectacular job of cleaning, it will never be how she would have done it (please note that "how she would do it" is just a means of justifying the obsessive compulsive disorder) and she uses that as justification to re-do everything you just did.
Expecting appreciation from someone who cannot appreciate themselves or any positive attribute they have in their life is going to prove to be unfruitful and cause you stress and pain. If it continues to be an emotional burden to you, I would schedule some one on one with her, strap on your bravest face and gently explain how her actions have seemed to you, using lots of "I" statements such as "I feel that I have let you down in some way" etc.
Good Luck,
2006-10-13 17:11:05 · answer #2 · answered by Lisa D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do don't disrespect your mother. I don't know how old you are or your financial situation, but if you can just move out. Sometimes people get along better when they're not living together. Do you know if your mom is going through any kinds of personal problems? My mom acts like that when she is behind on her bills or if she's feeling lonely (she's singele). Maybe you could try talking to her. Take her somewhere out of the house and let her know how you're feeling. Ask her if everything is ok in her life. We never really stop to think that our parents have problems too. She probably doesn't know how to deal with them. Good Luck
2006-10-13 17:07:21 · answer #3 · answered by VIchick 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Even though she is your mom, you still have to respect her. I just wouldn't clean the house anymore until she asks you. Also, I hate grumpy moms too.
2006-10-13 17:04:34 · answer #4 · answered by Tyranus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom may have a bigger problem that she won't tell you about. She may be taking the spite out on you because that is the only she can handle it. Sit down and talk to her, let her know if anything is wrong, that you will be there for her.
2006-10-13 17:03:15 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people are hard to please:( Now remember her behavior has been learned! Her mother probably did the same thing to her. She didn't learn how to receive love from others. As women we are taught to give, but never to receive, so continue to do as you do. Tell her you love her and do good for her. Tell her it's OK for things not to be perfect and it's OK that you give her love in your way. This is hard for mothers and daughters. Now, don't you continue this cycle with your daughter. Stop it where you are.
2006-10-13 17:11:36 · answer #6 · answered by love154100 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
perhaps something else is bothering her that does not allow her to appreciate it try talking to her asking her whats up....if not well then sorry to say but she is a very mean and ungrateful person and perhaps its not worth trying to bother with her but if that is the case then make sure you end it on good terms like tell her something that will make you the better person and then walk away mabye she will miss you and learn to appreciate you (remember you dont appreciate anything untill its gone)
2006-10-13 17:02:34 · answer #7 · answered by Wlr Steve 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah. I'm 10 and don't worry, my mom is the SAME way. Ur not alone. My mom, she keeps 30 year old Chinese- Hong Kong clothes ( Hey, they were a** ugly!) EVERYWHERE and plus she DOESN'T get rid of them, I threw away almost every single trash, and she got mad! She blabs about my dad being so...mad at her.
2006-10-13 17:04:41 · answer #8 · answered by Martial Arts Freak 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would love to have a daughter like you !!! your mom does not realize how lucky she is. It sounds to me like she may be depressed and is taking it out on you which isn't fair. maybe you should sit down and tell her how you feel or better yet show her this question and all the answers you received. she definitely shouldn't take out all her problems on you!!!!
2006-10-13 17:10:11 · answer #9 · answered by MissMonk 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey, do you want to be MY daughter?! Believe me, most mothers would be very grateful for such efforts.
Sounds like your mother is going through something right now and unfortunately is taking it our on you. Can you talk to your dad or another adult family member about it?
2006-10-13 17:01:55 · answer #10 · answered by Stimpy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋