Problem with teenage daughter! Advice needed!?

Question

Have 2 daughters age 17 and 13. The youngest is giving me problems......she has recently got herself a 15 year old boyfriend. She seems to be obsessed with talking to him on MSN and texting him. She sees him at school as he lives quite a distance from us. They were caught by a teacher having a snog yesterday! Its too soon to say whether all this is going to effect her schoolwork (she is doing well at school) but I don't like her change in attitude and her total disrespect. I have never had any problems in the past with either of my girls and we have had a great realtionship. We have argued all night as we took her mobile off her because she had lied to us. She turned into something possessed! Starting shouting and throwing stuff! It was awful! Just like a scene from the taming teens programme! I didn't go throught anything like this with her sister. I just don't know where I am going wrong? I would welcome any advice! thanx

Answer 1

Oh gosh i was like that, now i can see from a parents point of veiw i can see how awful i was.
Okay from our point of veiw as a teenager, as far as we're concerned you were born 30 so we believe you don't understand the nature of a Teenager, and what emotions we're going through etc...
I wasnt quite to the extent of your younger daughter, but i certainly was obssessed with Msn and texting. I started to grow this awful temper and my mum kept complaining that my personality changed, as far as i was concerned she was wrong.

Oh she was so right... The best thing my mum did was to take them away from me, i really struggled at first, when i talked to my dad about it he said to me "ahhh yes like the pangs you get when your trying to give up smoking" and he was right. But i was still in a state of mind where i believed my mum was bullying me and was like threatening to call Childline to take her away from me... (awful isnt it?)

I began to realise what things i was missing... I practised my instruments more, took more care of my pets, was more close to my family rather than being an outsider i was joining them on evenings out and started to actually get a life. In that space of 4 months that mum took my stuff away she gave 'em back to me and now i am more fully aware of what stage i should stop etc...

Now i know my situation is slightly different to yours, but believe me, just restricting her from these things will do her the life of good. She will scream, may even get physical, and you may very well get upset about it all like my mum did, but when you notice those changes, you will realise what good you have done to your child.

Answer 2

She wants to grow up too fast. She's competing with the 17 year old. Responsibility starts when they're young. She needs to take a look at her future and I'm not sure you're the one to get her to consider it. Like all teens, she is incapable of projecting the consequences of her actions. She has been throwing fits all along, you didn't notice it until now. The pattern is set for her to get her way by reacting like a two year old.
She wants the freedom to choose her destiny. You know she is making bad choices. How can she see that? With her attitude it's nearly impossible.
The older daughter and yourself may talk together in a group. Ask her where she sees herself in the next few years.
Thirteen, she's in 8th grade. Next year will be worse with the young men.
As kids grow they need more control of their lives, and the parents need to release control. A parent needs to set the limits and build the trust. There is a minimum the child must understand when they walk out the door.
My kids are teens. The oldest leads the others somewhat. If they get on track it makes it easier for the others to see responsible behavior, attitudes and life planning.
My kids always come home with stories about how the other kids messed up. They learn by example from their peers, good and bad things.
Teens do not adopt the moral standards of the parents in this liberal society. You may not agree with her choices. A parents job is to educated about the pit falls, then stand back, and let her choose.
Teach your daughter all you can before the age of 13, because after that the world will be her teacher. It's the truth about teens, good and bad. What about teaching her to find good teachers?

Answer 3

your daughter is probably really excited to be in a relationship and maybe this guy makes her very happy, in a way that you can't, which isn't anyone's fault. she's also probably extra upset about you taking away her cell because the first thing on her mind was probably that she wouldn't be able to talk to the guy nearly as much. I for one think 13 is too young to be in that kind of relationship but thats just my opinion, and i'm 16, which is the best age. I think you should cut your daughter some (not a lot) slack, and obviously this issue is new to the both of you and there is no easy or right way to deal with it. I hope her schoolwork doesn't suffer too much, but don't be too suprised if there is a slight drop in grades, as she now has an enoumous distraction. there is really nothing you can do about that because she will feel what she feels and what you say or do will have little or no impact on that, and thats not your or her fault either, its just the way things are. my advice is to be supportive and patient, things will work out, and time is your strongest ally. try to keep the assuming the owrst to a minimum, and I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 4

I am 14, myself. I have five bros and sis'. My mom and I fight all the time, and from what I can tell, ur daughter is either looking for attention she's not getting at home, or she is REALLY into this guy. Either way, u should keep an eye on her, but don't let her know it.....and also.....(this part very important)........if the problem is that she needs support or help, mom CANNOT come to the rescue without being asked. This will ruin it all. Have the older sis talk to her, even if it means owing her a trip to the mall. Note: This WILL be a rough patch for the three of you, especially the 13 yr old. It is absolutely unavoidable.There will be times that you may want to kill her, but she needs her independence so play it safe.

Answer 5

This is a sign that your child is intelligent and respects her parents enough to tell them her feelings. Don't blame science. There are lots of famous atheists throughout history who were very good people. If you believe, however, that your daughter will be eternally damned if she is an atheist then YOU do have a predicament. Your daughter will see right through the "show her the science in the bible" stuff. I did. Some people really dont need the moral strictures of religion to know how to treat others, but show her how beneficial belief is for people.

Answer 6

She is only 13, she does not need a boyfriend. Put your foot down, do not let her talk to him on the computer. limit her computer time. call the boy and tell him he is not allowed to see your daughter. Had the same problem with my 14 year old. She soon realized he was not worth the effort and time it took to sneak around. most importantly be her mother not her friend. At 13 she has plenty friends. Good luck, hope some of this helps

Answer 7

I can remember turning 13 and it was more than 20 years ago!!! I woke up and thought wow, i'm a teenager now, no one can tell me what to do anymore, how wrong i was. She's experiencing teenage love and experimenting a little. I'd back off, let her text away,let her feel free, keep an eye on her from a distance then hopefully there will be less temper tantrums and as she develops further through her teenage years, she will know that she can come to you for advice and support. Keep it happy, let her trust you, don't snoop, bite your tongue and sit back and be proud of your daughter for doing well at school. Don't worry about what's not happening, as you may turn it into something more as she will rebel. Get her some credit for her phone, tell her you trust her, love her and to enjoy herself, but keep safe. (she might just surprise you)

Answer 8

Talk to her "boyfriend" and his parents. Explain the situation, and tell them that you do not want the 2 of them together. Take her cell away. Supervise her internet usage, or prohibit it all together. If she doesn't straighten out, take her to a behaviorist. Take her to the family doctor to see if there is anything medically wrong. Advise the school that these 2 are not to be together.You haven't gone wrong. This is a problem that she has. Do not blame yourself. It is not your fault. . 13 is too young to have a "boyfriend'.If she isn't straightened out, sooner or later she will get herself in trouble with the law. Be firm and strict. Good luck.

Answer 9

I am a 20 year old girl,i have been in a relationship for the past 6 years,you could say all of my high school career and now my university as well.When it started i didnt expect it to turn into what it is today,a lot say we are as good as married.i have relocated & live with him leaving behind my whole family,who i now see on occassional weekends and during the break at university.Although i am treated good and all is well with the relationship i wish i could have met him only now or later in life,i feel i got too serious at a too much of a young age and did not get to enjoy life as a teen in school.my advice to you is too speak to her about this guy,he may end up being the man she wants to marry,but there is a lot of time for that,she should enjoy her life without commitments while she can.if this guy is not the one she could be left with serious regrets.i know i have a lot of 'what ifs' still lingering in my mind,but those are questions i cant answer,as i am too committed now and she wouldnt want to be like that.Dont fight with her talk to her im sure it will do only good. Much luck!!!

Answer 10

Oh wow... lovely how puberty and boys hit every girl differently. It sounds like your second daughter is going to be a spitfire.

You and your spouse have to be on the same page for this. Figure out the guidelines and consquences and calmly present them and discuss them with your daughter. She needs to know what is acceptable and what is not. From there, she can't say she didn't know. Also listen to her. She might not make a lot of sense, but the communication has to go both ways.

In regards to her new guy, the worst thing you can do is look like you are "standing in her way." If possible, I would suggest you invite the boy over for dinner, try to get to know him, etc. That way she sees that you are trying to be understanding, too.