should you tell your child that he/she was adopted?

Question

i don’t have any kids at this time. i do want to adopted a child one day. but i was just curious what parents did in this kind of situation.

is it better to tell ur child he.she was adopted or not?

i know the child should know who his/her real parents are, but is it healthy to tell them?

i quess it can go both ways...

Answer 1

Yes,it is a must you tell the child,I found out at 40 years old my father who raised me as his own is not my birth father and it has caused a lot of hurt for me and my child,also!My friend has told her daughter from a young age she is special and adopted!

Answer 2

I'm considering adopting for a while too, and the experience I've had with other people is that when a child knows he's adopted he or she will react to this depending on the parents way of raising the child. If you tell them they're your son/daughter, and that you love them no matter how they were born, they will accept it naturally and see you as his/her parent; if you tell them since they're 6 this and that you love them, they will love you. There are books on the subject of adopting children, and bed time stories that can help you explain to a small child the process of being part of the family. If you need help from any external source (psycologist, social worker) you can do that, but the best way to show your child that you love him is telling him, and if you have children by birth and not adopting make the adopted child a brother/sister with the same rights and limitations as the one you give birth to. And always remember to love them both the same. My great grand mother had 10 children of her own, and she raised two adopted ones, and sometimes she worried more about them that the other children because she wanted them to be happy.

Answer 3

Yes, it is always in the best interest of the child to know for medical purposes. If they were to need a blood transfusion and the adoptive parents can't come through, then the child is going to find out anyway. Also, once they are 18 (or depending on the agreement between adoptive parent and child), the child can pursue medical info about the birth parents that may eventually help with diagnosis and treatment much further down the line.

Answer 4

I would say that honesty is the best policy is this situation. One of my friends has a dearly loved daughter, who was adopted; as she was unable to have a baby due to medical problems. Her daughter is now thirteen and has known she was adopted since she was four years old, she also knows that she is loved and that is the most important. It is especially important for adopted children today to know, as they need to know about all health issues which may affect them and their children in later life. I know a lady in her eighties that was adopted when she was a child, and was never told and she is resentful to this day that her parents never told her, she has had health issues throughout her life, and was always made to feel different as the health problems were not in her family and the doctors couldn't figure out why she had a couple of problems that were hereditary and no one else in her family had them. She did not find out until after her parents were deceased, and there were papers found in their possessions. Her parents loved her, but she felt like an outsider for the most part. That would be a difficult way to live for anyone. Most people who do find out will still consider that the people who raised them are their parents; and may or may not want to have a relationship with their biological parents. Children are a blessing in our lives...even though the teenage years can be a bit tough on all, we will survive! Have a great night!

Answer 5

that will eventually come up... the child knows... over time things show up like they don't look like the rest or the parent feels obligated to tell just in case one day the child will want to do some family history of their own...

most if not all are entitled to knowing their family... in some way or another whether or not they get any chance to meet them.

some cases though where there was particular violence, death or something unique has occurred then it may be directed by the state or other that the information be witheld for the sake of both parties.

not all adoption cases are that simple and are without conditions. of course all have conditions but there's just some where it's best that the child is kept from the family or parents in particular.

but that is discussed over the length of time through social services, the adoption agencies and any police departments and so on.

it really depends. it is a hard situation, very moral too.

Answer 6

The earlier the better, but you must be prepared to be able to tackle the new problem of being a parent or trying to be THE parent all over again.

You have to deal with, helping the child accept and embrace the reality of being adopted.

Once he or she can do that, then you have to start work on being a parent and from there the bonds can start growing.

If you do it late, you might not know whether those bonds might hold or not, since such bonds might have been built mostly on knowing that you are related by "flesh and blood", though if you truly are a good parent, such "flesh and blood" relationship would be superficial and everything else would be built on the good things of parenthood.

You could save yourself that trouble and opt for the easier way out, that is, adopting a child who understands why he or she is up for adoption. Do note that age doesn't have to do with how well they can accept it or understand it. Also, you do not have to feel obliged to make the child understand why they were up for adoption, neither does the child have to understand, all they have to know is that you are now the one caring for them, as a parent would.

Answer 7

I think the sooner you tell a child they are adopted the better. Hard feelings come from feeling you were lied to or not told the truth.

I think the child should be old enough to comprehend what you are saying probably at 3 or 4 years of age start talking about it.

Adoption is a great thing, but adopted children can sometimes feel less wanted. When you can make them understand, just how special they are and how much they are loved and wanted. And Needed.

Answer 8

have you tryed to have your own kids and if you adopt a child you should tell him or after his/her school years or else they will fail in schools cuz theyre depressed that happened with me im 12.It dippends on the persons personality i think like you said, it could go both ways. i do believe however, that if you do tell the child, tell them when they are old enough to understand life. don't tell when they are 8 and don't wait until they are 30. I would think somewhere between the ages of 16-22 a person should be able to understand. It could very well hurt the child in more ways than imaginable too. I do think though that its probably a better idea to tell because a child can put certain things together. like why dont i look like my parents and stuff like that...dont get me wrong, i think that it's wonderful that families adopt...i have a set of friends that have adopted 2 children because they couldn't have kids even with all the help in the world...

Answer 9

Yes, definitely. I had a friend in school who was adopted and her parents had told her from the beginning that they had chosen her, that although she was not born to them she was extra special because they had gotten to pick her out and that they loved her very much. It makes much more sense to tell a child than to let them find out as an adult and deal with the aftermath. There are a lot of books and stories out there about kids that were adopted and how they felt, maybe best to do some research and also when you come to adopt speak to the social workers involved, they have experience in these things and will give you some more advice. Also find out what you can about the birth parents so that you can answer any questions that a child may come to you with.

Answer 10

I think a child should know they were adopted and thereby chosen early on. You can by adoption books they are like baby books but have all the details of the adoption. The reason I think the upfront honest approach is best is cause there is always a relative or friend who will have to much to drink at a wedding or funeral and take it upon themselves to tell the child. Causing extreme upset in a child that doesn't know. If not a relative or friend then surely another childs parents will tell their child about the adoption and the kid will find out on the playground then feel betrayed that his parents weren't honest with him. I have always thought that honesty is best

Answer 11

YES!
I work in an residential treatment center with troubled teens. One of our young men was leaving to go back the "real world", and his mother had us break the news to him. We did not even know before that, and the boy had no idea that he did not have the same name on his birth certificate that he does now. He had no clue he was adopted. He is 17 or 18 and a senior. I don't think that's the best way to go about things!!!
The child WILL find out someday, somehow.
I think its best they know they were chosen from the time they are old enough to understand that type of thing like maybe 4. It would be a lot easier to deal with then, then at 17 or 18.
Honesty is always the best policy, use it and don't start such an important relationship without it !!!