2006-10-13 09:12:34 · 11 answers · asked by Trish H 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Young Justin has a cursing problem, and his father’s getting tired of it.
He decides to ask a shrink what to do. The shrink says, “Negative reinforcement. Since Christmas is coming up, ask Justin what he wants from Santa. If he curses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog poop in place of each gift he requests.”
Two days before Christmas, Justin’s father asks him what he wants for Christmas. “I want a damn teddy bear lying beside me when I wake up. When I go downstairs, I want to see a damn train going around the damn tree. And when I go outside, I want to see a damn bike leaning up against the damn garage.”
On Christmas morning, Justin wakes up and rolls into a pile of dog poop. Confused, he walks downstairs and sees another pile under the tree. He walks outside, looks at a huge pile of dog poo by the garage, and walks inside. His dad smiles and asks, “What did Santa bring you this year?”
Justin replies, “I think I got a goddamn dog, but I can’t find the son of a *****!”
2006-10-15 13:45:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A 10 ton Bull Elephant goes Mad, and starts trampling Villages, villagers and crops in Africa, so the great White Hunter is call to track down the elephant and kill it. He tracks it for a day, then finds it, he takes his shot and misses!, the Elephant runs into the jungle, so the great White Hunter tracks it for an other day, He come into a clearing in the jungle to find this 10 ton elephant laying dead at the feet of this 3'6" Pigmy, the Hunter says to the Pigmy " Did you kill this Elephant?." The Pigmy said "Yep" the hunter said " What did you kill it with?." The Pigmy said " My club". The Hunter said "Was it a big club?." The Pigmy replied "well there are about 300 of us in it".
2006-10-13 16:45:16 · answer #2 · answered by Gazpode55 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
LOOOOL
2006-10-13 16:16:07 · answer #3 · answered by froggy_hip 1 · 3⤊ 1⤋
A bear and a rabbit are in the woods walking down a path. They both have to take a dump, so they move into the bushes and squat and squeeze something out.
The bear looks over to the rabbit and asks, "Do you have a problem with crap sticking to your fur?"
The rabbit looks up at the bear with sympathy in his eyes and replies, "No, do you?"
The bear reaches down and grabs the rabbit, wiping his butt clean and replies, "Not anymore!"
2006-10-13 16:46:55 · answer #4 · answered by Kevin J 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A horse walks into a bar,the bartender says"So why the long face?"
2006-10-13 16:17:39 · answer #5 · answered by dutch 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This man is pulling a wagon when it gets stuck in rain drain. After trying to pull it out for a long time he gets angry and starts cussing. The priest comes out and says sir its not good to cuss the lord is everywhere and he can hear you. The man starts asking questions and is all like is he in the church. Yes. Is he behind that tree. Yes. Is he in my wagon. Yes. Well tell him to get his fat *** out and help push. Its kinda mean but funny still.
2006-10-13 16:17:40 · answer #6 · answered by maci jo 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
What do you call a snail on a ship?
A Snailor
Yeah I know, I'm awsome
2006-10-13 16:33:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
what did the hot water say to the cold water?
Iam Hot you are not!!!!
2006-10-13 16:40:18 · answer #8 · answered by **Dominican hottie** 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'd tell you, but you'd die laughing and I couldn't live with that on my conscience!
2006-10-13 16:15:15 · answer #9 · answered by Syburry 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
2 fa.gs are ******** a dead alligator in the back of a bus...oh great, I forgot the punch-line...
2006-10-13 16:19:46 · answer #10 · answered by TJD 4 · 2⤊ 3⤋