What would you say to someone with Cancer?

Question

My mother and a close friend of min eboth have cancer. It has been hard for me to think of the right things to say when we talk about it. I have read up on both but am still unsure.

Answer 1

Both of my parents and my little sister are cancer survivors. The best thing you can do for someone with cancer is to be there for them. It's not so much what you say to them...you just need to let them know that you love them and have faith that they'll get better. Other than that, you need to make sure you don't treat them any differently. A lot of cancer patients feel alienated by friends and family because they are treated like they are entirely different people. Worst of all, many people treat them like they are contagious!
My advice would be to spend a lot of time with your mother and your friend, and be there for them and listen to whatever they want to tell you. Don't push and don't disappear. Actions do speak louder than words.
Good luck.

Answer 2

I am sorry to hear this. It must be a very difficult time for you all.

You don't say if the cancer in either case is treatable or not. If it is, then they will need a great deal of support and encouragement while being treated because the side effects can be difficult to cope with.

You can make plans for when they are well again, so they have something to look forward to.

If it is terminal, and let's hope not, then if they are even slightly religious great solice can be found in quiet prayer and bible study.

I hoep it all works out OK.

Answer 3

My mother in law and my wife BOTH went thru chemo last summer at the same time. My wife will be okay, but mom's not gonna do so well.

What you gotta do is make all the jokes in the world about everything. You gotta make bald jokes. When the hair starts growing back, make mouse fur jokes (followed by puppy fur jokes). You need to make jokes about "just lying around" while they're taking chemo. Make "glow in the dark" joked during radiation.

Seriously.... laugh! take pics and photoshop them to make them funnier... make jokes about dead animals when the wigs come off... give the hemotologist a set of vampire fangs, or some fake blood...

You get the idea?

And the best part is it allows everyone's anger... fears... sadness... to come out. It's very healthy. The tears are gonna come, so why not have them come thru some laughs?

BTW... I was clergy (pastor, minister, priest, etc) for 7 years. If you listen to a person dying of cancer, they will teach you about life. I didn't want anyone to die of cancer, but I learned everything about life from them.

Answer 4

I didn't have a big family to start with but i lost my mother-in -law my mom my grandfather and great uncle to varies forms of cancer and all i could do for them was to be there and listen and make jokes and talk about the others in my family namely my 2 girls who were the apple of all these peoples eye. let them broach the subject and talk about it if they want to if not talk about other things. I'm so sorry you have to live through this and they do too. nothing hurts more than to watch the ones you love hurt.

Answer 5

Hello,
You evidently care very deeply because alot of people ignore it and pretend it is not happening. I have had breast cancer and know that alot of people feel just like you. You really don't know how to talk with someone until it happens to you.

Let them know you are scared for them but at the same time let them know you are there for them. The people around me was not my family but my coworkers, my family sorta ignored it thinking it would go away!
So when they are down take tea to them or lunch or whatever it is they enjoy to relax with, and listen to them when they are mad that this is happening or when they are sad.

You sound like a very nice person and I have all the confidence in you that you will be their guiding light.

Lots of postive thoughts and prayers for them and you!

Answer 6

It doesn't really matter what you say, as long as you are there for them. When I had cancer, a lot of people shunned me and said nothing because they didn't know what to say. I was not a different person, I was just sick. Think of what you would say to someone who has a cold or the flu. To me it was just having people around who treated me no differently.

Answer 7

Let them talk about the cancer. You do not have to start the conversation. Just be there for them during this time. It is the most important thing you can do.

Answer 8

When they want to talk about their diagnoses, let them take the lead. They'll let you know how much they want to discuss or disclose about how they feel,treatments,etc. Some people want to tell you everything, others want to talk about everything but their cancer. And don't forget to talk to them about the common-place, everyday things that you share............friends,family, and so on. There may be times when the best thing for you to say is nothing...........your mom and friend may just need someone to listen to them.
Lynne,RN

Answer 9

My grandmother had breast cancer. She did not tell us until she was going to have surgery to get her breast removed that she had it. But, I just talk to her like I would if she didn't have it and spend as much quality time with her. I also go to church every Sunday and pray every night for her as well as the rest of my family and myself. Just give them some encouraging words every now and then. But, don't dwell on the sickness because it may bring them down as well as yourself.

Answer 10

Talk about different things, stay upbeat and treat them like you always would. If they want to discuss the disease just answer honestly, listen and contribute when you are able. They will still be interested in what you are doing in your life and the same topics you would talk about if they were not sick.