My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. We had some problems in the past but we got over them. The problem now is that I don't like the person he has become. It's been causing a lot of fighting and he says I'm being controlling. I'm not trying to control his life, I just don't understand why he is becoming so mean and hateful, especially towards me. He's not the sweet, loving guy that I fell in love with and I keep trying to explain that to him, and that's when he says that I'm trying to control his life. I love him, but I'm starting to wonder whether I love him for who he is or who he was and who I want him to be. Can this work out if we love eachother enough? We truly do love eachother, but we are starting not to like eachother...
2006-10-13 09:08:56 · 14 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
We don't live together, but have been discussing it, and obviosly that has been put on hold. We spend a lot of time together, and more than 50% of the time we are very happy together, but he has these sudden outbursts and I never know where they come from... he never used to act out like this. I wonder if I even really know who he is any more, or if he even knows who he is anymore. Maybe we need counseling, has that ever helped anyone?
2006-10-13 09:22:07 · update #1
I need more answers... I'll award you the points if your's is best!
2006-10-13 11:13:05 · update #2
You didn't specify if the two of you live together or not. If you do, I think it may be time for someone to move out. If you don't then give him his space. I don't know how much time the two of you are spending together but if he thinks you're being controlling then you have to honor how he feels and he may feel that way because you might be crowding him.
Let him maintain his individuality and don't try to change him. Relationships are never going to stay the way they started out. I say it sounds like the best answer is put some distance between the two of you and it will probably answer your question. If you aren't there then he'll start to miss you and decide to do some changing on his own. If he doesn't then maybe it's time to move on.
2006-10-13 09:14:54 · answer #1 · answered by geminig 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not enough details... However, given what you described... Someone is not being honest or has a strange definition of love.
If I had to take a guess. He was "loving and caring" when you did everything he said for you to do. Now, you must be saying to him, "no, I don't care to do that..."
He is accusing you of being controlling when he is losing "control" of you. That's the classic sign of an abusive personality. The "What's wrong with YOU" type mentality. So you feel like crap when it is the one that "loves" you that has the problem.
It could still work out, but I think he needs counseling. You may have been love blind, but I think based on the limited information that you woke up to his manipulative ways.
Ask someone very close to you, a sister, brother, girlfriend.. "How do you really feel about him? Be brutally honest if you must. I want to hear the truth."
If their opinion runs along the lines of what I just said, "Be thankful that it showed up before you went to the altar."
2006-10-13 16:18:39 · answer #2 · answered by James B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what you have said, I don't think you will last. In order to make a relationship work, you both have to put in 50%, and it doesn't sound like he is. It actually sounds like he's looking for an out by saying that you're trying to control him. That's guyspeak for "I want out of the relationship so I'm going to make up something". I honestly think you should dump him and move on.
2006-10-13 16:11:46 · answer #3 · answered by KitKat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there's a doubt in your mind about if you love him than you're not in love with this guy. When love happens you don't doubt it and goe with your gut instincts. If you two don't completely understand eachother after 3 years. Than it just wasn't meant to be. Don't keep questioning go with your first reaction, and take some action. If you don't you may regret it and just get confused. You may be better off by just being friends.
2006-10-13 16:42:27 · answer #4 · answered by [S.M.I.L.E] :) 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are out growing him.
I was married to my husband for seven years (should only have been for four or five years).
he never grew up. he changed so much and he was a habit to me. Once i got away I have never been happier.
Try to get away and see what that does.
i mean fighting all the time doesn't solve anything,.
2006-10-13 16:13:17 · answer #5 · answered by Boo8081 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can't stay with someone you don't like its not healthy maybe you should consider counseling or something to help you guys express your feeling and talk things over relationships aren't just love you have to work to keep that love going and although you'll fight sometimes you just need to communicate to avoid fights in the future.
2006-10-13 16:13:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's totally up to you to decide whether or not you think he will be the one for you in the future. I think that you should ask yourself that question. This is how i see it: If you are not happy in a relationship, then why are you with that person? You can do bad by yourself...but if you really love the person, you have to decide whether you can sacrfice your happiness for his. Can you do that? Good luck!!!
2006-10-13 16:14:11 · answer #7 · answered by Starlesha23 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nah. you will know within 1-2 years whether it's going to work or not. if you have been together almost 3 years and your not married or you haven't figured it out, then it ain't ever gonna work. it won't get better, girl, it's only going to get worse as he gets more comfortable.
2006-10-13 16:10:18 · answer #8 · answered by Justina 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It will work if you guys trust love and learn how to compromise...what you guys need is a lot of verbal communication
2006-10-13 16:10:47 · answer #9 · answered by wittlewabbit 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you like the way he's now.how he will look after 3 years.what willl you feel then?you must try to speak to him and make him to enderstand that he's been changed.
2006-10-13 16:13:49 · answer #10 · answered by anamaria g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋