Have two daughters, 7 and 17. been married 20 yrs. to the father of my children. still love the guy but he wants to move on. he has issues. I need to start getting back outside and seeing what has been passing me by. help!!!! It's all new and scary for me.
2006-10-13 08:38:46 · 21 answers · asked by Juls 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Take one day at a time and one issue at a time. It will seem scary with everything out front but break it down to manageable pieces.
2006-10-13 08:41:40 · answer #1 · answered by Mark S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey Juls,
I was 44 when that 21 year marriage ended in divorce.
I was raising my daughter (wife didn't want any part of that at the time - said she wanted her career!) and then I had to fight, for my daughter that wanted to live wiht me, in divorce. That consummed my time and my assets ($300,000.00+), BUT I got custody. After she grew up and is on her own, I don't know what "I" want. My life was devoted to getting my daughter what she wanted and I didn't have time or money for anything else.
Go Sloooowwww!!
Everything that passed "you" by? How about everything that YOU ignored! OR you sent away from you!!!?
If it is scary then that is probaly the right thing to do.. Nothing here that wasn't here 20 years ago. Can You still see that? Go Slooooowwwww! If you are scared then you probably can not see that.
When you figure out what you want. Then do that. There will be someone(male/mate/bonding pair person) that will like the same things. You may even like each other then, too.
Oh, I better mention this. EVERYONE that came to me, after my divorce for the next 4 YEARS was 'just like my ex' - someone that wanted a fight, to take my stuff which i HELD DEAR, or both - which she could not get without the legal system doing it in her behalf!
WHO WANTS someone like THAT?
After 11 years, now, the "someone that comes to me," is only now - starting be be someone different that my ex wife!!!!!!!!!!!
So, be careful, so that you don't end up with someone 'just like' who left you!
.
.
2006-10-13 09:16:13 · answer #2 · answered by DM 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's internet dating. Match.com or whatever. Put yourself out there and recognize that it's a numbers game. Always initially meet in a public place and not matter how attractive or unattractive the person confine the first meeting to a cup of coffee or a drink or whatever and have an exit excuse at the beginning of the meeting by saying you have to be somewhere else shortly.
There's also friends, let them know you're available. There's always singles dancing and other activities in any major city. There is a group called table for six that I strongly recommend but I don't know if it exists where you live.
Bottom line, put yourself out there and go for it.
2006-10-13 08:51:05 · answer #3 · answered by jstokes1085 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you still have your looks, you should be ok. DO NOT be one of those women that tries to dress like a 20 year old, that is annoying. Be a classy sophisticated 40 year old, and find some hot young guy to have a fling with. I am 26, and I am attracted to lots of more mature women. DO NOT go to singles bars, they lead to trouble, being really cheesy guys. You will find a guy that works for you, and appreciates you. Make sure you have similar goals in life. If he is looking to have children, I assume you want those years behind you, so that would not be a good match. Companionship is always a good start.
2006-10-13 08:44:33 · answer #4 · answered by Brad 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course it is new and scary to you!!!!! Speaking from experience I can tell you to go slow. Find a Church group or class that you enjoy and meet some new people, eventually you are going to turn someones head, when you do go for coffee, or a movie and afterwards talk for a while. You dont have to marry the first guy to take you out, but you dont have to spend the rest of your days alone either.
2006-10-13 08:43:37 · answer #5 · answered by snoop_dougie_doug04 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are still young so dont go thinkin other wise... well, you could join a few single clubs, just to get into the swing of the 2000's, or ask your 17 yr. old about the divorced or single parents of her friends, just to find out where they hang out or do... if you have some single friends, try going out a few places with them, just to see what is going on out there.... look in the paper and see if there are any adds about single dances and such... look in the yellow pages, ask at church or at your job.... just relax and go slowly... you will soon get the hang of it..... God bless
2006-10-13 08:45:36 · answer #6 · answered by Annie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did similar things, I am 39 was married for 17 years. Feel free to IM me or email me with specific questions etc. Hang in there!!
2006-10-13 08:42:45 · answer #7 · answered by Uncle Tim 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well at least your not sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself. get out an about and meet people. this is all new to you so take your time and dont rush into anything. most of all have fun. you have the right attitude and you will meet someone that you enjoy being with and is kind to your children.
2006-10-13 08:47:01 · answer #8 · answered by chris ireland 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Same thing happened to my mother, however she's 49. But anyways, you can just take it as it goes, it'll be hard at first, but then you'll get into the groove of things. Just remember that these days alot more games are being played and alot more problems (diseases, etc). But most of all have fun!
2006-10-13 08:44:08 · answer #9 · answered by Athera78 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. I had been married 19 years and was divorced at 48. Just give it some time and raise your children as best you can. Good luck, hon.
2006-10-13 08:52:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋