My step daughter doesn't have anything to do with her father or I, but will only call to ask for money. We don't want to be check book parents. What can we say to her?
2006-10-13 07:46:24 · 39 answers · asked by dlahey0924 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Uh......try "NO"!
2006-10-13 07:47:39 · answer #1 · answered by Terri R 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
How old is she?? If she is an adult then it is time to show some "tough love." if she is always getting into situations and u have to bail her out she will never learn to cope as an adult because she will always be looking for the easy way out. As parents we have to know when we are helping and when we r hurting our children. We want them to be safe and taken care of but at what cost. If she is only calling you for money and that is the only time you can talk with her put some stipulations on giving her the money. Make her accountable for whatever she needs it for. If it is your money you have the right to know what she is doing with it. If she says it is for a bill I would pay the bill and not give her the money in hand if she is "junking it off" or you can just cut her off and tell her u are not and ATM and tell her how u feel if u feel that u are being used. My mom and dad would help me while i was in college as well as today but i will do everything in my power NOT to ask my parents for money and it is because i feel that If you want to live like and ADULT you have to ACT and FEND for yourself like an ADULT!
2006-10-13 07:54:21 · answer #2 · answered by mekhia81 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No.
Next question.
Really, if you don't want to be checkbook parents, don't give her money. If she calls asking, say you would love to help but CAN'T right now. THE END
Change the subject and ask her how her life is and who she's seeing and what movie she went to last.
DO NOTGIVE IN-no matter what she says or does. You are teaching her what to expect from you.
If you feel like it, offer to give her money in exchange for doing a project for you-like washing your car or raking the leaves or helping you clean out the garage.--If she is unavailable or unwilling, forget it.
If she is willing-have her do the project first and pay her after the work is done to your specs.
She will be obnoxious if you have given her money before, so hang in there. Eventually, she will realize that you respect her as an adult, and want her to EARN her way.
Don't sneak her money, dad. You are making her a cripple.
2006-10-13 08:06:44 · answer #3 · answered by Lottie W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a child who does the same thing,
I finally told her that I was not comfortable giving her money when I spend so little time with her and don't know what is going on in her life that she would be needing money all the time.
I do however ask what she might need the money for, if it is gas, food etc, I will offer to go buy those things for her, but she needs to pay me back.
If she does not pay me back I wont help her out anymore until she does.
She does not ask for money as often and I see her allot more.
2006-10-13 07:52:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
My mom has this same problem. Shes dating a guy with a 13 year old daughter. The only time her or her mother call is when they want something. Such as Money for amusement parks, skating, rent, electric etc. He goes all out and spends money that they dont have on his daughter. I say you guys wise up and tell her NO. In my moms situation her husband pays child support, buys her occasional gifts.. not to mention over spends on holidays. Tell her she needs to learn to come visit. And theres a big difference in wants and needs. :) Good Luck. I know this situation all to well.
2006-10-13 07:51:38 · answer #5 · answered by Christa Joy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Been there and done that. The answer is "The bank is closed".
I explained to our daughter (who treats us the same way) that it's time she found another source of income since we don't exist in her life at any other time.
Of course she then would try to call and suck up to us a couple of days before she asked for more money, so we always kept the conversation short and when she had the nerve to call for the money - we just said "no - remember what we told you ? "
You have to be consistent though !
2006-10-13 07:59:54 · answer #6 · answered by jarhed 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just express to her how you feel in your own words.. and if she isn't acting in a very understanding way then perhaps you can ask you daughter to have a meeting with your husband and you so you can talk over the rules of the house. If she isn't living in the home and is supporting herself, I really don't think it's acceptable for her to be taking money. Not only is it a bit selfish, but will inhibit her own growing skills.. you don't want her to depend on someone else for a living.
Hope things work out for you!
2006-10-13 07:49:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two questions: how old is she, and what does she want the money for?
I think I'd try to engage in the spending process: if she has a financial emergency, get the bills from her and pay them; if she needs clothes, offer to take her shopping; auto repairs, help her get the car to the shop; etc.
It sounds like she's going to keep on taking advantage of you unless you put a stop to it. If you can monitor how she spends the money, you'll be able to trust that she's honest with her spending and she'll be able to trust that you set some boundaries that are both fair and needed.
Good luck!
2006-10-13 07:55:55 · answer #8 · answered by 40yomama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell her that you don't have any cash that you keep it all in the bank. Also how old is she does she have a job because if so then tell her that she has to work for her money just like you do. Because if not she will never be responsible. She needs to learn to manage money. Then if she got a job fill her tank up with gas and tell her that is all and make it last until payday and you are on your own. It is time to become and adult
2006-10-13 07:52:51 · answer #9 · answered by yrunosy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next time it happens just say, "Sorry. I wish I could help; but I really just don't have it right now."
Do that often enough and hopefully she'll get the message.
Tell your husband what's going on and what you're doing about it, so that you can present a united front.
Whether or not she normally doesn't talk to her father, if you deny her, she may go running to daddy....desperation and spite can be big motivators.
2006-10-13 07:50:31 · answer #10 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you love her, but you really don't have the money to give her. Then say something like..........."are you hungry? We would love to have you over dinner!" If she says no.... then just say "ok, maybe another time then."........... and eventually if you just keep asking her for a little time to spend with her, she will give in. Then perhaps before she leaves you might give her $10 or $20 bucks for gas and what knots on the way home for her.
I am not saying that she will give in over night, but over time, being genuinely asked to come by for dinner, or to watch a movie you rented, or a cookout in the backyard with family....... she will eventually give in and perhaps you can someday have a bond with her......... a real relationship with her. She is after all rebelling, and the best rebelling medicine......... is a constant flow of love and wanting to spend time. Blessed be.....................
2006-10-13 07:54:35 · answer #11 · answered by shy&gental 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋