Sorry in advance that this is long...please bear w/ me. I met a guy who, for the most part is wonderful. There are a few things that nag at me, though. He has made comments like "I'm not good enough for you...I don't deserve you..." things like that. He is not used to being in a relationship with a woman like me, and I do get the sense that he is sometimes intimidated b/c I don't "need" him in the sense that others before me have; and yes, I have accomplished a lot with my life. Anyway, just recently, he had a serious injury and I offered to do everything for him. He flatly denied, saying he didn't want me to rearrange my life for him. I gave in w/ asking, because I knew I wouldn't win. So the other day, after trying to contact him several x's, turns out, he had to go back to the doctor. I don't know why he didn't answer my calls. Now, I'm being made to look like I wasn't there for him, and he's questioning my feelings for him just because I didn't call him every hour on the hour...
2006-10-13 07:43:53 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
(cont'd) ... to see what was going on. However, he was the first phone call I made the following morning. Now, all of a sudden, I can't be relied upon, or it's a question as to how I feel about him. I feel like it's a head thing, and I found myself apologizing when I wasn't even sure if there was anything more I could have done. Will this get better? I don't know what to do...I love him, but I wonder if I'm compromising myself. Suggestions?
2006-10-13 07:45:58 · update #1
Yes, it hurts b/c I do love him a lot, and my feelings are genuine. However, it seems like I can't do anything right some days, then other days I'm everything he wants...I don't know what to do anymore.
2006-10-13 07:51:31 · update #2
Thanks to all who answered. I'm going to put this one to vote.
2006-10-13 11:46:13 · update #3
If you are asking yourself the question then it is probably time to go.
2006-10-13 07:45:16 · answer #1 · answered by bildymooner 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me that for some reason or another your b/f has some insecurity issues! And, you have a choice to make-but please keep in mind that you, alone can't change him and/or make him see things from your perspective. Also, keep in mind that although it's important to compromise in a relationship, you should never sell yourself short in a situation like this! The only person that can truly answer this question is you. Follow your heart but at the same time, think with your head as well! Just keep all of the lines of communication open with him and be patient if you are wanting to make this work. Otherwise, be honest and don't string him along.
2006-10-13 14:53:01 · answer #2 · answered by PBnJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should break this relationship off now. I don't know the entire story but I can tell you that I've had experience with guys like this. He is the type that wants you too "Depend" upon him. You say you have done well for yourself and in my opinion if you continue this relationship he will try every way in the world too jeporadize your freedom, your sense of self-worth, and etc..He's allready making you feel guilty and you have nothing too feel guilty about. Breaking up with someone you love is not an easy thing too do, but for your own well being I think you need too end it, NOW..don't wait too see if he's going too change because that just won't happen, he will just get worse and more controlling as the years go on.
2006-10-13 17:17:41 · answer #3 · answered by Rose T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit with him and openly tell him what it is that bothers or makes you feel uncomfortable. I have been married for 20 years and it takes alt of work to make it work all the time. leave him a message and tell him what you feel and tell him that you would like it very much if you two can get together and discuss the relationship that you have or don't have or more like it what you both want in the relationship that you have. remember 20 years takes a lot from both sides. You must be dedicated to whatever this is.
2006-10-13 14:52:48 · answer #4 · answered by Barry G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is simple. Do you love him? Does he love you? If you can answer those questions for certain with no question in you mind, then you have your answer. You either love him or you don't. Real love does not have a "but" at the end of it. Eg. "I love you, but you do this thing that drives me crazy." You should love them for it or in spite of it. It should not be attached to it. Communication is the most important thing besides love. Sounds like you 2 need to communicate a little better.
ps, ask yourself why you love him. Is there enough reasons? Sounds like you are headed into a storm. He's not being very nice to you right now.
2006-10-13 14:51:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound that you really love him. Go and find a way to talk to him and let him know that you too do not like to push things and that you respect others feelings. That was his wish in a sense by not wanting you to help out. His main problem is that he is scared of getting too close for the relationship.
2006-10-13 14:51:03 · answer #6 · answered by ayo_w 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy needs to get a grip. You need to have a long serious chat with him and lay down everything you want in this relationship and vice versa. If he doesnt answer to you honestly then dont waste your time with him. My best friend was in the same position as you..turns out the guy did have the problems he said he was having but was cheating on her tooo...not to put stuff in your head but look deeper.. goodluck.
2006-10-13 14:48:33 · answer #7 · answered by ourfuturein123 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds insecure!! I can't advise on whether you should leave him alone cause I need more info. I think you both need to sit down and talk. I have the similar problems w/ my bf. He is use to needy women and I am not. It is a challenge, but we are working on it. If you really like him I would stay and work on the issue. Tell him how you feel. Good luck
2006-10-13 14:48:21 · answer #8 · answered by drubaby32698 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a very needy and insecure person. Don't feel like your weren't there for him... you SHOULDNT have to be there at his EVERY need! He just sounds extrememly insecure. It seems as if he really does love you, but like he said, doesn't feel like he deserves you because of his insecureness. If you do get a hold of him, make sure that you stand up for yourself and don't ever let him blame you for "not being there for him" Because you tried to call! You need to ask yourself: Is he worth it? If you really do have feelings for him and want to be with him, you will try to work things out. But if you come to the realization that you don't, that is perfectly fine too and if that's the case, it's a good thing you're not with him because you deserve happiniess. Good luck sweetheart!
2006-10-13 14:48:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is very insecure it still seems. is there any way u can break down his barrier, and let him know that u truly do love him, so he can see the real pcture, and return that love, unbridled.
Then use that comfort zone, and ur love and affection to break down his barriers. he has just built himself a wall/veil/facade that keeps him in a comfort zone, and he can explain that whatever happens is as he had guessed it would. doesnt want to lose control and let it go.
so if u break down all those barriers, and if uh ave achieved a lot, like u say, perhaps this then is the next challenge. strip his brick wall down, and see what his passion is...
good luck, peace....................
2006-10-13 14:51:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No gurl, keep your boyfriend b/c he just in the mix with all the things going on in his life. You should give him some chocolate and something that he likes. For now on you be the best girlfriend you can be if he stills act inapproiately you let him go. Its worth it, just don't let him get to you before you do. GOOD LUCK GURL! If your name is Callie write back for me.
2006-10-13 14:52:59 · answer #11 · answered by michealrias 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋