my parents separated when i was 9 although i kept intouch with my dad until i was 12 .he remarried and the woman hated us.anyway he split from her and moved to new zealand when i was 13 and he has married again i havent heard from him until today when i got a letter from him and it has really shocked me ..he was not a very good dad he would always beat us but after all he is still my dad but i my confused as i dont know whether i want contact with him after all this time, i am 36 now and have 4 children who he has never seen
2006-10-13 07:23:09 · 18 answers · asked by margaret 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
wow....not so different from my story.
it all depends on what you want out of your life. what is important to you and your children. what is he going to bring to the family that you can't live without? what can he bring that will better the children you have?
my mother beat the living daylights out of me up until the age of 17.5. I met my dad for the first time and ran out of the house. I put up with my mother's hatred, i put up with her negative personality until i was 24. She was not allowed to be around my children without adult supervision. i have since cut her loose. and i have no regrets. I am now married with a 3rd child on the way. I have no intention of inviting her back into my life. I have no intention of ever introducing her to my husband. Letters she writes to my ex that he tries to forward to me are thrown away immediately without viewing.
So what do you want from him now?
2006-10-13 07:37:08 · answer #1 · answered by Bella 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here's a good way to know what you should do. How do you think you would you feel if you found out later on that he has a serious illness or passed away and you never contacted him? Keeping in mind that he's the only dad you'll ever have, knowing how you would feel if something happened to him will help you know what you should do.
Blessings to you.
2006-10-13 14:27:46 · answer #2 · answered by Lovely 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Margaret,
Take it slow. I know that being contacted after such a long time can be a bombshell.
Open a dialog with him, and if he is still the same as you remember him to be, then cut him off completely. It is not easy, but it is needed.
However, if he has changed, and it can and does happen, then introduce his grand kids to him.
Good luck, and remember, you are not the person you were when he was around.
2006-10-13 14:28:13 · answer #3 · answered by JaMoke 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, you need to decide for yourself whether you want to contact him. My advice would be to at least send him a letter in response, tell him you're doing fine, that you have kids, maybe send a picture of you and them, and then wish him well. Basically let him know that you've done just fine without him. Good Luck.
2006-10-13 14:27:53 · answer #4 · answered by answerman63 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a very hard question to answer.Sound like your dad is trying to be a farther again.Know if I were you I would take it one day at a time.Don't rush into things so fast.Know as for the kids if you want to introduce them to there grandpa.Try and be wright there until you can trust him alone with him again.Remember one day at a time.Have a nice day.
2006-10-13 14:30:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is totally a personal choice. He cannot beat you now. You need to let him know your feelings, even if it is only in a letter. It will make you feel better to tell him how he hurt you as a child. And who knows he may make a pretty good grandpa, my ex is.
2006-10-13 14:31:27 · answer #6 · answered by Judy W 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may be going through something in his life that compelled him to write you. I think it would be good to write him back - Otherwise you'll be left wondering if you did the right thing. If he does want to see you again, make sure that he comes to you. He needs to put forth some effort to rekindle the relationship he trashed with his daughter.
2006-10-13 15:04:48 · answer #7 · answered by stargirllll4311 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe he is a changed man. Why dont you contact him and try to have a civil relationship with him. If you feel that he has changed then maybe you can introduce them to your children. Good Luck
2006-10-13 14:26:57 · answer #8 · answered by wittlewabbit 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As you say he is your dad, go and find him he wants to meet you and say all the good things he should have said to you all these years especially when you were younger. God will give you the blessing if you forgive him.
2006-10-13 14:29:55 · answer #9 · answered by ayo_w 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He might not ba a bad parent I say give him a chance and frist ask him why he left and didnt call... Maybe he tried to send you letter and you never got them...
2006-10-13 14:28:36 · answer #10 · answered by maria * 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋