My son's father and I can't agree on custody/visitation for our son. What do I do?

Question

I've had primary custody since our son was born. He's trying to establish joint custody, but he's only doing this so that he can reduce/eliminate paying child support. Before child support was established he didn't want overnight visits. He's found out that if our son has 123 overnight visits per year, with him, it could change how much he pays in child support.

Answer 1

would it really be so bad if he spent so much time with his father?

try a trial visitation schedule. normal visitation runs about every other weekend. do a Sat pick up at 9am until Sunday at 6 pm. See if your son likes it. Encourage your son to tell you what he did with father while he was with him. Don't squeeze it out of him...just encourage. make a note of it. keep this up for about 3 months. It may turn out your ex and son may develop a bond. btw...this is a good thing.
however, in the event the father leaves his son with a babysitter at night....eliminate those nightly visits. calculate how many times he does this in the 3 month span. Does he sit around the house and not do anything with your son? have activities planned? trust me..if your son is bored, he won't want to go.

Answer 2

I have joint custody. This only means that the father has a say so on things like education. Both parents make decisions together concerning the child.
My support never changed and it doesn't matter how much time my son's father spends with him. He can spend the entire summer with his father and my support is the same amount. I don't think the courts would lower the child support because that would be taking away from providing for a child. All the mothers I know have never had child support taken away from them. In my state if the father or mother doesn't want visitation or doesn't want to take responsibility, their wages is garnished for child support.
I would check on this 123 overnight visit because this was never mentioned by the lawyer who explained the joint custody to us when we were going through the divorce. Good luck and I wish you the best.

Answer 3

Its a shame that a father will resort to having his son for overnight visits to just reduce his child support. What happened to wanting to spend time with his son. That guy is pathetic! Take him back to court. Good luck.

Answer 4

my sis is a single parent, and i know what kind of financial struggles you must have. unfortunately, you also have the daunting task of raising a man in today's world. does he like spending time with his father? is he harmed by it? if your ex is not a good guy, then you have every right to try to protect your son from the situation. but, the fact that your ex's motivation is less than pure doesn't mean that this might not turn out to be a good situation for them both. with overnights, your son will get to see how dad behaves at home and not just at mcdonald's or wherever they go now. and because they'll have quiet times together, they may grow closer.

in terms of the financial burden you may suffer, consider the things you won't have to pay for. for instance, your grocery bill will go down a little bit if he's eating dinner and breakfast with dad twice a week or more. when you send him off, tell his dad to bring him to the store and buy that video game that he needs to get for his friend's birthday party. send the ex off with your son's insurance card and directions to the doctor's appt (along with $20 co-pay) he has in the morning. remind him that little jimmy has the permission slip for his class field trip in his backpack and that the fee is 15 bucks. he's more likely to shell out money if it's 20 bucks at a time. he won't even notice that he's doing it.

whatever you do, protect your child. but also protect your son's image of his father. if he comes to think that his dad is a deadbeat, then he has to grow up knowing that he's half deadbeat. best of luck.

Answer 5

Wow, ok properly i think of you need to get an lawyer because of fact if he can not be liable for the youngster whilst it'shis turn then he shouldn't in any respect have taken you to courtroom interior the 1st place, so discover someo ne which could assist you to out wish i helped x

Answer 6

Most men who pay child support are doing it because the court has made an order for them to do it.He can easily take you back to court and fight for full custody so be aware of that.Most men just want to walk away from their responsibility,and make it as painless as possible.I pay child support,and was doing so before the court tried to make me do it.I have taken my ex wife back to court several times to fight for custody,but not fro getting out of paying support,just because I feel they belong with me as a safer palce for them.Youe ex can also file a notice of motion to have it reduced to almost nothing.He can play the "Poor Me" routine,and most likely win.

Answer 7

maybe he wanted to spend time with his son before and you didn't allow it. I had this happen to me. My daughters' mother tried to keep me away from our daughter, we went to court and tye judge gave me 2 hrs a day 2 days a week, a total of 4 hrs a week to spend with my child. Now her mother calls me and wants me to spend more time with her, she wants me to have her everyday.

Answer 8

I think its up to the judge to decide this issue. Go back to court.

Answer 9

its not for you or him to decide but a judge and court system. Make sure your views are heard.

Answer 10

WHAT A JERK.
HOW SAD THAT YOUR CHILD IS PAYING THE PRICE FOR HIS PARENTS PROBLEMS.
MY HEART GOES OUT TO HIM.