my kid is 15 years old and will not wake up to an alarm. cold water does nothing. i have physically tried to yank him out of bed and he has contacted child protective services. plus he just resists by using dead weight ( he is almost 200lbs). he is on probation for not attending school and the judge said its up to me to get him to school or ill be fined and jailed. judge said i can use any means to get him out of bed but im assuming this does not include physical stuff. what do i do?
2006-10-13 06:52:10 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
When does he goto bed? If you cannot answer this question, then I clearly see your problem.
I would empty his entire room. I mean EVERYTHING. Then I'd put in his clothes (the ones I wanted him to wear) and a sleeping bag. When he learns to straighten up and fly right, I'd slowly begin to bring things back to the room.
2006-10-13 07:53:03 · answer #1 · answered by Manny 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think picking a fight with him is the worst thing you can do. If you get into a battle of wills with him then you are sure to lose one way or another cause even if you win the fight you will likely lose your son.
I would talk to him and come up with a solution together. Just be REAL with him rather than lecturing or yelling. Tell him that sometimes you don't want to go to work or meet your other obligations, but you have to and it's the same for him and school. Maybe he'd prefer home school or a different school for one reason or another. Explain to him that if you go to jail then he will be a ward of the court and will either be in juvenile hall or will go to a foster family. Attending school in some form or fashion is not optional and he must really understand that. Maybe, ask him what he would do if he were you.
2006-10-13 07:29:06 · answer #2 · answered by Not Laughing w/ U 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let him go to jail...
Facts are as you stated:
- he's already a known truant
-he's got you threatened with child protective services
-he's used his body against you
-he's disobedient
Educate yourself on your state laws. You can run a search on the internet, you can call CPS and ask them for a copy of what the law requires you do as a parent. Then fulfill the child's needs only as far as the law requires:
-food ( doesnt have to be take out, just have it available for him to prepare and eat)
-clothes (2nd hand store shoes/clothes are acceptable by law-as long as he's not naked) Take his expensive clothes to the 2nd hand store, you don't owe him that- you only have to dress him; and a roof over his head.
Take down the door of his room- privacy is not something you have to give him by law.
Refuse to give him rides to the mall, money for movies, dvd's, cd's, internet access or any fun stuff. These are privlidges, not his due.
Get rid of the game system and any entertainment that is not yours.
I would suggest you talk with him about this before you do it, maybe in the presence of a state moderator so that both the state and the child are aware of your actions. This way he doesn't have anything on you and will know that he can't bully you with the law.
You can request the state to intervine. You can advise them you haven't been able to get him to obey and that you request him to be removed from your home.
This may sound harsh, but it's not. When it comes down to it, if you disobey the law you pay dues, right? Run a light and get a ticket. Enought tickets you lose the privledge of driving. You drive on a suspended license and you get thrown in jail. Breakinf the same laws consistently the dues become progressively worse.
In this case, you are the law and your child is disobeying. Consequenses do need to be applied. Of course, he does need to be informed of the "laws" of your home and the possible consequenses before you apply them...
Good luck!
2006-10-13 13:54:09 · answer #3 · answered by An Opinionated One 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you NEED To stop using hurtful methods! He could be depressed or have some other emotion problem. Sounds like it could be a case of his not respecting you at ALL! Is that your only form of discipline? How 'bout taking away priveleges, like the phone, Internet, TV, video games, visits to and from friends?
I would also gt him to a counselor, NOW, since that will help him AND show a judge, or anyone else that you've done what you can (yes it does NOT mean physical methods) to get him up. The judge may order Child Services to intervene and get him and/or you into counseling. Sounds like he needs either that or a physical evaluation from a doctor!
What is WRONG with you people, giving "thumbs up" to scaring and hurting a child? THis kid sounds seriously messed up and if not, then he's taking advantage of his parent's laxity.
Either way, they need help...not "tough love", which is ineffective and just an excuse to lash back at a teen who pissed you off! I'm appalled at the answers here. Why isn't there some middle ground between being the kid's "doormat" or terrorizing him?!
Well, there IS, but nobody wants to hear it, obviously.
2006-10-13 06:59:49 · answer #4 · answered by Gwynneth Of Olwen 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Go in there and yank the cover off the bed, open the windows and make sure everyone in the house talks real, real loud. You could also take the door off of his room and make him sleep on a mattress on the floor, then invite friends over in the mornings and tell them all to go past his room. It's not child abuse, it's tough love. Don't live in fear of your own child.
Hey, you have permission from the judge!!! Get cranky right back at your kid! Remember, you are the parent!!!
2006-10-13 06:59:15 · answer #5 · answered by drewsilla01 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You could take away everything that you've purchased for him, clothes, tv, games, cd's,etc.... And tell him that if he wants his stuff back he'll have to get up when his alarm goes off and attend school everyday... If that doesn't work hand him over to the state... *child protective services*.... I wouldn't put up with any b.s. from a teenager.... Good luck I hope someone can help you...
2006-10-13 06:57:31 · answer #6 · answered by secret agent lady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why does he hate school so much? Bullies, bad grades, learning problems,
What time is he going to bed? the later he satys in bed, the earlier he goes to bed, that should be a daily rule. if hes suppose to get up at 7 and he dosent until 7:30,
thats 30 minutes earlier he has to be in bed!
Tough Situation! Good Luck!
2006-10-13 07:43:00 · answer #7 · answered by crystald 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think I would just have to take away his bed completely and pillows make him as uncomfortable as possible.......I mean this can not possibly be child abuse it is not harming him...you do not need a bed and pillow to sleep......go to his probation officer and get him to help and go to the school and try to see if they have any ideas
good luck
2006-10-13 07:10:31 · answer #8 · answered by thunder_rainclouds 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start playing opera music or Barbra Streisand music as loud as possible right outside his bedroom door. Make as much other noise as possible. Bang on his door. Vaccuum his room. If all else fails...send him to boot camp. Don't just threaten him with it...actually follow through with it. OR...make him spend a day in juvenile detention.
2006-10-13 11:29:58 · answer #9 · answered by SassySours 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My father had a very effective technique we called it "The Matress Dump"
If we didn't get up on time he simply dumped us and our matress on the floor... There is nothing like the 1.5-2 foot free fall of "The Matress Dump" to inspire waking...
Calll the Judge who gave you the order and have his office contact Child Protective Services... The Judge working in conjunction with child protective services can help you be able to use the means necessary to get your son up...
Remove all computers, stereos, tvs, and other such items from your sons room... Make it a room for sleep and nothing else... Give your son an early 8-9 pm bedtime.... At 8-9 he goes to his room, without the entertainment devices available he will be more inclined to go to sleep at an earlier time... File the plan with the judge and get a court order for bedtime, that way if your son refuses you call the law because he is in contempt of court.... If your son can attempt to use CPS as a mean against you there is no reason you can't turn the tables and use the law against him...
If you have to call the police allow them to arrest him, handcuffs and all.... After he is arrested let him stew in custody for at least 24 hours... Jail is a huge wake up call.... Make sure to let the arresting officer know you want your son to get the full treatment.. Finger prints, mug shots, request leg irons as well as handcuffs... If you explain the problem and explain that you want officers to scare the heck out of your son they will gladly help...
Once your son has stewed for a while go see him but bring along a contract he will be required to sign... Make sure the contract is long and filled with a very detailed agreement as to what his responsibilities will be i.e. to get up and go to school and to stop fighting you about it... detail what the consequences for not honoring the contract are... i.e. a stay at juevinile hall, or a correctional facility due to the breech of the court order...
When you first present the contract your son will do one of two things, he will have been scared and gotten his wake up call or he will be angry and think he can intimidate you into getting him out of jail....
If it's the first mission accomplished he will be willing to sign the contract without reading it (make him read and understand before he signs, make him sign before you start the process of getting him out of jail...) If it's the second it's time for part two, when he becomes angry get up and leave.. He will likely be yelling or otherwise trying to intimidate you , do not yell back simply get up and walk out do not cry where he can see you , do not try to reason with him... Just leave....
12-24 hours later return with the same contract... you may have to do it 2-3 times to get through to a really stubborn child but stand your ground by doing so you are showing him exactly how the balance of power will work...
Right now he seems to believe he holds all the power, his size is intimidating to you as you have included a reference to it in your question.... He has called child protective services as a way to show his power, and he has heard the Judge threaten you with jail if he doesn't go to school... By simply showing him difinitivly that the balance of power has shifted and now you hold the power in the household you will be in a better position to get him to comply with getting up and going to school...
The balance of power in your household shifted to a point where he holds the power and a shift is needed before you will regain the power and be able to enforce rules... Until that shift occurs you have no chance of winning... His call to CPS indicates that he does not fear you going to jail so make him fear himself going to jail...
You also state that you assume the Judge means something, do not assume ask the judge for written instruction work with the judge on the plan to regain power...
Good Luck
2006-10-13 07:30:50 · answer #10 · answered by Diane (PFLAG) 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋