Grandmother's Pearls, Mother-in-Law's Cross, or both?

Question

I'm getting married tommorow, and was planning to wear my grandmother's string of ivory pearls with my wedding dress. My mother-in-law gave me a beautiful sterling silver cross and said that she would be honored if I would wear it. My mother was a bit hurt when I told her of the gift, and said that she thought the pearls alone would be best. The pearls do go with my dress better. I am thinking of trying to wear them together, but they don't look all that great together. :( One option I was also considering was wearing the cross as an anklet, as it does look very nice alongside my shoes.

I'm not sure exactly how to handle this without hurting either one of them, and lately, my mother says she has felt sort of like my fiance's mother is trying to take care of everything that she had been wanting to help with.

You're correct. She had two boys, and no girls.

Answer 1

I had the same situation for my wedding ...

I was already wearing a diamond necklace and my Grandmother's cameo ring that I love so much and it means a lot to me.

I didn't want to wear anything else, but my Mother-in-Law gave me a rosary and asked that I wear this as well. I ended up wrapping the rosary around my bouquet ribbons and so the rosary was with me during the ceremony but I wasn't physically wearing it. My Mother-in-Law was touched and I still wore the items that I had planned on and of course, that meant the most to me.

I would steer away from an anklet because there is a REALLY good possibility with all of the walking and dancing that you are doing that it might get lost and/or damaged.

If your Mother-in-Law to be is pushy about the necklace, you can always put it on for a picture with her but in the end, this is your day and it is very generous and thoughtful of your MIL to be but you have to do what is best for you.

I always remember this, I love my MIL but I am my Mother's Daughter and if I have to choose which one I am going to make happy first, it is always my Mom.

Good luck and congratulations!

Answer 2

It's really too bad they don't work together. If you had more time, I would suggest seeing if you couldn't attach the cross to the pearls like a pendant.

If I had to prioritize the jewelry (which feels a bit heartless, but what do you do?), I would say the pearls are first. They were your grandmother's and you have been planning on wearing them for a while.

Now, what to do with the cross, since it is a kind gift. There has to be some way you can wear it as a bracelet or attach it to your bouquet or something. I'm not opposed to the anklet idea at all - just make sure you create it so it is VERY secure. It might not be a bad idea to remove it after the ceremony so you don't risk losing it.

Oh! Thought! What if you carried the cross (or something, even if it is subtle and barely noticeable) and had it blessed in private by the priest/pastor/clergy person who is marrying you after the service? That would make it a special momento of the day and take nothing away from your grandmother's pearls!

Whatever you choose, make sure you talk to both your Mom and MIL so that they understand you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

Answer 3

Firstly, it is not possible to wear both of these items, if I were you I would wear the pearls, which is what you had already decided. To wear the silver cross as an anklet would look so cheap and tacky, try explaining to your future mother-in-law that you had already planned to wear the pearls, tell her how much the cross means to you and maybe you could wear it in the evening or with your going away outfit. Make sure that your mother and mother-in-law are both treated the same, buy them an identical gift. Have a great, stress free day.

Answer 4

You could get a long chain and put the cross on the longer chain so you could still wear both. Then when you take some pictures take out the cross so that the cross will still be in some photos so no ones feelings get hurt. I could see you doing the pearls around your neck and the cross around your ankle, but your new mother-in-Law could say that no one will see it and get upset about it. If anything I like either the longer chain idea or using the pearls as a bracelet and the cross as the necklace. In the end it is your decision and do whatever you feel would make you happy. It is a your soon to be hubbys' and your special day they should be happy with whatever you two decide!

Answer 5

Sounds like perhaps your MIL doesn't have any girls of her own. Tell her how honored you are at being accepted into her family, that you cherish the gift of this cross and will carry it with you down the isle. It would be disrespectful to alter the necklace into an anklet or any other form. Have your florist wrap the chain part , hidden into the ribbon and let it dangle down in front of the bouquet. Make sure you tell her you've alwayed planned and dreamed that you could wear your grandmother's pearls on your wedding. Since having you carry this cross down the aisle is sentiment of hers, I'm sure she will understand your sentiment towards your Grandmother's pearls. Don't wear them both together, but do take the cross with you in some fashion. Best Wishes!
KJ

Answer 6

I would wear the pearls as a necklace. It is a family piece and if I had something that belonged to my Grandmother, I would feel very special wearing it. Take the cross necklace and attach it to the inside of your gown. That way you can show your new Mother-in-Law that you do appreciate it and at the same time you are "wearing" it in the wedding ceremony. Surely she would understand about the pearls and feel honored that you cared enough for her to find a place for the cross in the ceremony too.

Answer 7

I am a traditional person when it comes to the somthing old, new, borrowed, blue thing. As much as you may love your MIL, you should still wear your Grandmother's pearls (especially if she was deceased) and if those were the same pearls that your mother wore on her wedding day. Usually something "old" is given by either the mother or the grandmother. You could offer to have your husband-to-be wear the cross around his neck instead. I hope this helps. Good luck tomorrow.

Answer 8

The pearls should be worn around your neck.
Your Mom shouldn't feel jealous but thrilled that you now have a MIL that loves you and wants to help. I know that's hard for mom's but if she just looks at things a little differently she will be much happier and so will you.

Your MIL is expecting you to wear the cross and I think would be quite offended if you wore it as an anklet. However, if you explain to her that you have chosen your grandmother's pearls to wear around your neck but would like to carry the cross with your bouquet, she will most likely understand and know that her gift is still with you.
A cross, as a symbol of Christ should be worn close to your heart or carried from what I understand so you won't offend anyone by incorporating it into your bouquet and holding it in your hand as you walk down the aisle.

Good luck with the Mom's and always be honest with both of them. It's the best way to avoid hurting either one.

Answer 9

Some brides choose to carry a bible so maybe you could hold the cross with the bible or even intertwined in the bridal bouquet or wear it as a bracelet? Explain to your grooms mom that it has been understood since you were young that you would wear your grandmother's pearls on your wedding day. As a mom, I'm sure she'd understand. Be creative and try to find a way to use the cross.

Answer 10

What about wearing your grandmother's pearls during the actual ceremony, and for the photos and then wearing the cross to the reception? If that's really not an option I would stick with your original plan....just let your mother in law know that you really had your heart set on wearing your grandmother's pearls as your 'something old,' and it really means a lot to you. She'll understand. Congratulations on your marriage!