Serious relationship problem please put your heart into your answer.?

Question

Okay well me and my husband have been together for 2 years in jan. and we have a baby on the way but he is getting to be kinda mean. Everytime we get into an argument he threatens to leave me. I already have a 3 year old little boy with my ex so if things did not work out between me and my husband I would be a single mother of two kids by 2 different daddys. Okay besides that I cant afford to keep myself and 2 kids up by myself. I love this man so much and he has never hurt me before. But this is really getting to me. What do I do?? I cant let him leave nor leave him and I cant stay with this stuff going on either!! help please

Answer 1

If this is your husbands first child, I bet he is just feeling a little insecure about everything. He's probably wondering how he's going to support a family of four, sleep through the night once the baby comes, work full time, get quality time with you, what kind of dad he's going to be, how is this going to change your relationship together and all kinds of other things. Men are a lot different about babies than women are. Think of all the stories you've heard about men leaving their girlfriends once they find out shes pregnant... some men go as far to deny the child is even theirs!! My mom went through the same thing when she was pregnant with me. After she started to show around 5 months, my dad came back. Only, it was too little too late as far as my mom was concerned.
Anyway, you say that he loves you and has never hurt you before. So there must be some recent issue that is causing him to act this way. Maybe the pregnancy isn't even the issue, is he having problems at work or with his family? The best advice I can give you is to talk to him. Say, " Honey, I love you and we're family now. We should be able to talk about anything, I want to know what's bothering you so we can work it out... whatever it is I know we can work through it together. I know something is wrong because you have been acting very hurtful to me lately and I feel that you owe me and your baby an explanation."
Marriage isn't always easy, it's something you both have to work at. If worst comes to absolute worst, and he does leave, there are a lot of programs out there aimed at financally helping single mothers in the same sitaution. And if he's going to be mean to you like this all the time, he will eventually wear down your self-esteem and you won't be able to be the wonderful mother your kids need you to be.
Best of Luck

Answer 2

Every time you get into an argument? Just how often are your arguing? It sounds like your husband is using your pregnancy as leverage. Like you, he is aware that you can't support two children as a single parent.

You love your husband, but does he love you too? Have you always argued? I would ask him if he would go to couples counseling with you. Tell him you want to do it because you want to improve things between you. If he doesn't want to go, then go alone and figure out what you want to do next. You need to figure out if you want to stay in the marriage; if you do, you can't do it alone- he's got to be in it. Whether you stay with him or not, you need to find a way to straighten your financial position. You should always have a "Plan B" and not be at anyone's mercy.

Was this pregnancy planned or not. If it were unplanned, this may be his frustration coming out. I'm not saying that it's right, but it would explain his change in attitude. Maybe he considers it regaining control over a situation that's beyond him. Whatever the reason, try and go to counseling. At the very least your get tools to help you communicate with him or manage the situation until you come up wife a more definite plan.

Answer 3

sorry to hear. babies either make or break a relationship. you have got to do what is right first for those kids and then for you. chances are he changed because you are pregnant and the only thing that is going to change about that is that the baby is gonna be born but there is no going back now. I think and I dont know the man to judge but I think maybe he is really like this and only started acting thisd way now because he know you cant leave, but trust me girl if I can do it you can do it. it will be the scariest thing in the world but once you over come it you will not fear anything after that cause you will know there will never be anything as hard as what you have done to do again. good LUck you know whats right or you would not have been asking

Answer 4

I can understand where your husband is comming from and you as well. My wife had two kids from two different dads when I married her. When she was carring our little boy I started to get fustrated because it was my first and I just felt a lot of doubt on myself and weather or not she was going to be the same after. I was thinking about finances and weather or not I had made the right decision. My advice is just to let him vent and comfort him as you probrably always have. Once you have the baby then you will be able to tell if he is truely happy. It did take me about a month to really bond with my son though so give it a little time. Even if things don't work out though, trust me there are guys out there who will still love you even with two kids from two different dads.

Answer 5

The key words are " he has not hurt me yet" being alone is much better than being in an abusive relationship. Idon't know how long you have know him or how well you think you know him but if you were not afraid for your safty you would not have asked the question. Is he using the threat of leaving you to get you to do things you would not do otherwise? He is using this threat to gain control of you? You should sit down and talk to him find out why he is acting this way. My fear for you is he knows where you stand and knows you are afraid of being left alone with 2 kids and he will use that to his advantage.

Answer 6

I think a lot of relationships get bumpy around the 2 year mark. A lot of people end up divorcing around this time. It sounds like it's time for a heart-to-heart with your husband. Sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel, and why you are hurt. Explain to him how much you love him, and how much you want to make your marriage work. See if he would consider going to marriage therapy with you. Therapy may seem like you're getting desperate... but I can honestly vouch for the effectiveness of talking to a professional. Even if your husband won't go with you, I would recommend going by yourself.

Answer 7

Isn't it a shame that you can't afford to support yourself. It almost makes it impossible to separate your emotions from your finances.

Sure, you "need" this guy. But, love and money are two different things.

So, here's the deal. You have to tell him, the next time he "threatens" to leave - "You can either leave now, or you can stay, but if you stay, you can NEVER threaten to leave me again. We're either married forever or not, and you made that chioce once and were unwilling to stick to it. Now, you have to decide, hubby, either go or stay, but this is it. Forever."

Answer 8

Okay so he is threatening to leave. Do you know why he is using that excuse? It is because he knows that is a fear of yours. No matter how hard it is to say , the next time he says that you need to say fine go! Stop giving me empty threats. This will catch him off guard and he will not know what to do or say next.
You did it with one child you can do it alone with 2. Don't forget you will get child support So i would call his bluff and tell him to leave if that is what he wants to do.

Answer 9

oh sweetie i am so sorry to hear this, i can only tell you that i hope he is feeling the pregnancy, yes the partner does, and hope that he is nervouse because this is his first child on the way? he may also see what the future with raising one of his will be like w/being a step dad to your 3 yr old. It Takes A Lot Of Work, talk to him, not nagging, just ask if he is nervous about being a new dad? maybe ask him if he wants to talk and you will LISTEN, best of luck ;)

Answer 10

it sounds like he has other issues going on and that you shouldn't stay with him! You don't need to be getting stressed or getting upset while you're pregnant! You may want to stay with some close relatives or close friends until you decide on what you should do!! Maybe you two should seek some counselling and you both need to sit down and talk with one another to find out what's bothering him!