What to do if time-outs don't work?

Question

I will only use spanking as a last resort and only if it a serious offense. Please give me other options. My 3 year old is making me crazy!

I am consistant with the time outs. He only stays there for 3 minutes. He is away from toys and the TV.

Amanda D
I agree. I would love to have the terrible two's back. The horrible threes are killing me. LOL

Answer 1

Time outs only work if you put them there and give them absolutely no attention!! Of course, you have a 3 year old and I do do, so I know what you are going through, but I use a 3 step rule...
1. Verbal warning. You have to communicate to the child why it is wrong, even if you think they don't understand, they do. Here is an example...
I caught my son trying to pull out the cord to the vaccum cleaner from the wall. I stopped him, pulled him away, and told him "No, no! Don't touch that ( pointing to the wall socket). It will hurt you. If i catch you touching it again, you get a time out." He said sorry and went about his business playing with his toys again.

2. 2 time outs!! Not just one!
In the event he does something more than once, I put him in time out for 3 minutes, but I make sure I communicate with him again what he did wrong and why he is in time out. IT IS IMPORTANT THEY KNOW WHY THEY ARE THERE OR THEY WILL JUST KEEP DOING IT!!! If after the first time out he does it yet again, then he gets a 6 minute time out. It usually stops there because 6 minutes is an eternity for a 3 year old. Here is the key to time outs: Once you have put them in time out and explained to them why they are there, you have to ignore them as much as possible. If they get up to move, simply pick them up without saying anything and put them back in time out and tell them " No. It's time out time." The more they stuggle, the longer time out becomes. They have to be good for a full 3 or 6 minutes, and that doesn't include the times they tried to get out of it.

3. Spank and time out. If he does it again, then the spank comes into play. Not only does he get a spanking, he gets a full 10 minute time out with it. It sounds harsh for a 3 year old, but beleive me, after this they don't want to go through it again. Use the same methods I just described in step one and two, but make it a 10 minute time out.

If this doesn't work, keep adding punishments as you go along. Make sure when they are in time out they have no access to TV or toys. That's crutial. If you still have problems, let me know. I know of a lot of methods to get children to stop this behavior. Good Luck!!!

Answer 2

I know what you are going through my girls are 5 and 3. They each have their favorite toys that they love dearly. If they continue to act out I take away the toys. They usually straighten up. If not then no T.V or outside play for the rest of the day. Whatever you do, don't give in to them. It just lets them know they can get away with whatever it is they are doing. Stand your ground. I view spanking as a last resort.

You could also try what my dad used to do. When we misbehaved he would make us stand with our arms out on both sides for 5 minutes. Trust me--it worked! Our arms hurt so bad after the first 2 minutes we vowed to always be good!!

Answer 3

A 3min time out is a joke. I used at least 20min time out for the first offense, and no tv for 1hour. Second offense was a 1/2 hour sit on the sofa with mom no tv just sit there. Third offense was a nap and no tv or toys for the rest of day. At three years old kids can try our nerves but as parents we can make it worse because we get wound tight and then no matter what they do it is wrong. My own son was a hand full at 3 he is 18 how and a wonderful person.

Answer 4

Time outs just don't work on some kids...my child for example. If he goes to time out as soon as it is over he goes right back to doing what he was doing before. The thing that really has seemed to work is the counting down we say Colton James, stop it right now. he continues misbehaving, Colton I said Stop. he continues. Then 5-4-3-2-1 and on one if he is still being bad he gets a spanking. We used it so consistently that when we get to 3 he has stopped and is being a little angel again.

Answer 5

You already have lots of answers, but I thought I should tell you what I have done with my children (3 bio-kids, 2 step-kids, many foster-kids, 3 grand-kids)

I don't like time-out much and prefer TIME-IN, that is where the misbehaving child spends time in the kitchen with me while I am making dinner.

I usually sit a smaller child in their high-chair or an older child on the counter, and we work together on whatever I am doing.

Once they have settled down, we are able to talk about what is going on with them and often their behaviour is the result of frustration with a certain situation. Having time-in with me gives me the opportunity to give them ways to handle their frustration and anger in a better way.

I have found that this gives the child the reassurance that they need, they are not being banished to another room, they are not being punished. The purpose of time-in is to help them deal with their behaviour and at the same time teach them coping skills so that they learn how to behave in a more acceptable way.

You may not use this all the time, but I have found it to be effective on many occasions and don't have discipline problems as a rule.

Good Luck - parenting isn't for cowards!

Answer 6

I had to resort to the "Time Out with Mom (or Dad)" and you just sit with them in silence and make sure they "serve" their three minutes. My kids would often wander or run away from their time out chair. Another solution is to cancel priviledged fun times - like trips to the park, tricycle riding sessions, or TV (if you let your child watch it). Just don't make empty threats. The key is to follow through with what you say. It is not an easy time to get through but it has lasting results. Hang in there and stay away from spanking unless you want to get spanked back one day.

Answer 7

Time outs didn't work for my son either so I tried many things (spanking included, which didn't phase him) - helpful books would be "secrets of the toddler whisperer", "one-two-three-magic".
I use soap as a deterrent. If he does something wrong, I tell him that if I get to 3, the consequence is soap in the mouth and he stops. Obviously, there were times hwen I actually had to put soap in his moth (that's why he knows better than to push me now!).
Good luck - try not to get frustrated and second guess your ability to be a good parent. A toddler driving a parent crazy is par for the course - you are a great mom!

Answer 8

You shouldn't reward people or kids for doing something or not doing something that they are suppose to be doing in the first place. You need to show your child who is boss by being the dominant figure, if you let you child walk all over you, this will continue the rest of their lives. I think if timeouts fail and taking things away, tough love is your best option. Good luck.

Answer 9

All time out's do is teach the kid to wait out the punishment, you better start spanking or else that kid will drive you into a straight jacket, You cannot reason with a child that age, spank until they cry or else you'll be the one who does the crying.

Answer 10

Well try no tv if that does not work no toys if that does not do it then its time to spank