I have a BF that asked me to marry him. He gave me a ring (which is turning my finger black). I have a 17 year old son that is a Senior in HS. Because I often feel the need to stay home with my son, (he is having problems with school and pot) my BF has often become angry. He and I discussed moving in together this month, but I don't think the timing is right concerning my son. He was upset, but said he understood. Ever since, he has been intolerant of me and impatient.
We had a fight last night with the end result he hung up on me. I got up to go to the bathroom and looked at the pc, and discovered that he is back on the singles sites!! I am so hurt and angry. He sent me an email saying the following, "I feel down in my gut that you will never be there for me.There are
two standards of value in the world,one is money,the other is time.You
have no money so your value exchange is time.Time which I feel I have to
beg for a morsel of.My lifes on hold." What should I do?
2006-10-13 05:36:22 · 13 answers · asked by anny 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I assume he is ending it, but he has not said so. He has been married 4 times, and I am thinking that a lot of it has to do with his controlling nature. The joke of it is that I really do love him. Please help me!!
2006-10-13 05:38:39 · update #1
He sounds like a man who does not know that if you marry a woman you also get the kids. He also seems a bit jealous of your son, which is weird to me. I think that you should tell him you love him but cannot accept that he does not care about your son. Your time with your son means you are being a good mom.
My wife has a child from a previous so I speak from experience. Never a problem when she spends time with her without me.
4 times? Forget it. He knows not what love is.
2006-10-13 05:40:03 · answer #1 · answered by RJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anyone that thinks time and money are the only value in the world is a just a lost soul. What an AZZ. He probably thought asking you to marry him would make you want him more, and that is what he is really after, his needs, his time, his life.
Consider yourself lucky he left, he would have tried to control you. He probably thought he was doing you a favor.
Think about this sweetheart, Love is always giving, and true love is unconditional. Accepting someone for their good sides and flaws, offering to help them above all costs, and always trying to connect deeper is what love really is. This guy wants you to complete his life and doesn't understand your love for your son. If he really loved you and was ready to marry you, he would have done everything he could to support you and raising your son not complain about the lack of attention.
I know it hurts and you probably feel like you tricked you, but be lucky to have him gone.
You should make it clear when you date that your son is the number one thing in your life right now and a boyfriend or husband will be second until you make that decision. If a man really loves you he will understand.
2006-10-13 05:50:07 · answer #2 · answered by tightlies 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this guy is a philanderer. Fake ring er' hint.
However if you love him, find away to love him and your son. Also your 17 yr old needs to grow up and you need to get him some help pot leads to harsher drugs down the road.
Call the man find out if he has dumped ya.
By the way did you meet him on one of those singles websites?
If so be careful - this dude might do this for a living - preying on lonely women that are starving for affection..
Do you love him or lust him?
You got some talking to do, to yourself.
Keep your chin up, life goes on.
I disagree with one of you to put the child first. people always put their children way before their very own happiness this causes resentment, especially if the kids grows up to be a loser.
Love your child yes and protect him at all cost, but don't sacrifice your happiness for anyone.
I do agree that the guy is a jerk though - get rid of the loser, go out more, you'll meet someone.
Do it the old fashion way and get off that computer before you meet some nut that will hurt you and your son, like an ax murderer or something, lol
2006-10-13 05:45:13 · answer #3 · answered by Jazz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump the jerk...he is essentially saying that because you have no money and won't make him your top priority over your son that your worthless. Those are the actions of a man who uses women and isn't interested in their lives as a whole. Any man worth while would be understanding of your need to help your son at this stage in his life. Instead of being mad at you he should be as concerned about your son as you are because your son is and always will be an important part of your life. Tell him the highest standards of value in the world are love, respect, and trust. He is not giving you any of these things so his value in your life is now zero.
2006-10-13 05:42:18 · answer #4 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, you have to follow your gut on this one. If he's been married FOUR times, he obviously has some problems. Your son comes first!!! I understand that you love him but does he really love you? If so, why id he doing this to you? If he loves you, he will be patient and understanding. He sounds selfish, like he wants a woman to wait on him and do whatever he wants. You need a man who is considerate of your feelings and your son's situation...be there for your son, tell Mr internet-searching jerk to take a chill pill or hit the road! You can do better!! There really are good guys out there, you dont need one who will be dragging you down!
2006-10-13 05:42:39 · answer #5 · answered by katie-bug 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By placing himself on dating sites, he is telling you that "he will never be there for you" he also is contradicting his own value of time, by looking elsewhere for love. He has already "left" in a sense, but the email is an attempt to make you take responsibility for the ending of the relationship. And that, my friend is manipulation big time.
He has stated his side, you have to decide what YOU want, regardless of what he has said or done. If you go with your intuition and with the knowledge that actions are louder than words, you won't go wrong. good luck!
2006-10-13 05:45:20 · answer #6 · answered by maggiemae821 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If all that you havesaid is true, then you should dump the guy and look for one that understands that yuor son comes first. I have two boys seven and five and my bf knew from the beginning that my Family will always upermost with my time and especially my boys. When you meet the right guy he may not love or like your son but he will understand your needs when it comes to him and deal with them without putting you in the middle. And yes I know it's easier for me since mines are so young. But they will always be my sons and they will always be upper most in my thoughts. Find a MAN who understands that.
2006-10-13 06:05:16 · answer #7 · answered by quiet_butnot_unheard 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a new man friend. You don't need a BOY friend. You need someone who is willing to accept the issues that you have with your son and be supportive. If has asked you to marry him (and gave you a drugstore ring) then he has to be willing to accept all of you...not just part.
2006-10-13 05:40:42 · answer #8 · answered by IGH3Rat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's he giving you? It's sure not money if the ring turns your finger black.
A relationship works both ways. You deserve to have someone support you in what YOU need to do as well. He's not going to do that.
2006-10-13 05:51:28 · answer #9 · answered by gamergeekgirl_otter 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are u joking? Sounds to me like he may be jealous of your son, when he should be helping you with the problem if he really loved you.
He's already moved on.
2006-10-13 05:40:28 · answer #10 · answered by Dana B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋