We're celebrating 2 of my friend's bdays tomorrow night, Jane and Meg. Meg picked the restaurant and Kelly and I are the other 2 people going. I am bringing gifts for both Jane and Meg, and they are both giving gifts to each other. I don't know if Kelly is giving either of them gifts, since she came to my birthday dinner empy handed. Since all these gifts are being exchanged, do Kelly and I have to pay for Jane and Meg's dinners too? It's not like we invited them out for dinner, Meg arranged it. Any advice is appreciated.
2006-10-13 05:15:42 · 16 answers · asked by TGIF1905 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
i would say its a kind gesture if you and Kelly can afford it. but no, you are not obliged to.
that said, if there's no prior agreement, it can get a little embarrassing. please check with Meg in advance.
i like Vince's suggestion that if you go dutch, then pay a little more for your share.
2006-10-13 07:12:12 · answer #1 · answered by ash 7 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At first glance, I would say that if they are throwing themselves a party, and inviting you, then no, you shouldn't be expected to pay for their dinners.
But, when it comes to dividing up the check, be a little generous with your share. You don't want to be sitting at the table during that awkward moment when the money is counted and you are all still short. In other words, if your share of dinner and tip comes out to, say, $26 bucks, put in $30 and say, "don't worry about the change."
Four or five bucks is a small price to pay to keep a friendship, no matter how causal, smooth.
Just in case, however, I'd tuck another $20 in my purse, just in case there is some misunderstanding. I don't think you are obligated to pay, but it is still better than being stuck at a table, with the manager telling you guys, in front of the entire restaurant, that he doesn't care WHO'S birthday it is. The mess can be straightened out later, in private.
Also, don't dwell on who brought a gift last time or not. That's not important on THIS ocassion.
2006-10-13 05:36:16 · answer #2 · answered by Vince M 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The rule of thumb is: If you invite - you pay.
However, since this is a birthday celebration, When the waiter takes your orders, make sure he/she seperates the orders so the end bill is not one huge one where you guys have to "decide" who's paying.
However, it would be nice if the birthday girls didn't have to pay. If Meg isn't bringing a gift, see if she'd like to pay for their dinners.
2006-10-13 05:59:29 · answer #3 · answered by InnerBeauty28 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. I do that kind of thing all the time (make arrangements) because my b-day is near christmas and people are busy. :o(
I do not expect dinner paid, presents, or drinks. I just want them to be there with me and have fun times. Of course, if they offer - then all bets are off - lol.
Also, when I go out for dinner with friends for birthdays, I don't bring the present there, cause then the friend has to schlep it home, and might forget it altogether!! I will give the gift before or after the night, and make a point of seeing them to do it.
2006-10-13 07:05:56 · answer #4 · answered by firehorsetwo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not offer, but instead when the bill comes look to either pay your portion or split the bill evenly across all attendees. I know that when I personally invite someone to dinner, I offer to pay for them, not vice-versa, but this isn't always the case with others.
If it becomes obvious at bill-time that you are expected to pay for Jane and Meg's dinners, it will be up to you to either refuse or pay. Might want to simply be unavailable next time, however, if you get stuck with their dinners.
Good luck.
2006-10-13 05:23:05 · answer #5 · answered by Stef 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It should have been established ahead of time . Ask Meg what she intends , since she made all the arrangements unless you & Kelly are in agreement and want to pick up the check .
2006-10-13 05:21:18 · answer #6 · answered by missmayzie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I always choose the high road in this one. Figure out what you owe for your meal, then chip in a few extra bucks. Maybe 3 or 5 and say Happy Birthday, and politely say this is going towards the friend's dinner and tip.
Everyone else would *hopefully* get the hint and do the same.
2006-10-13 05:35:31 · answer #7 · answered by chefgrille 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
man I'm dutch on basically everything. I don't know what to say a big majority of my friends are broke anyway i help them out all the time it can get annoying sometimes if you gave a bangging gift maybe kelly can pay of the dinner just a suggetion
2006-10-13 05:29:15 · answer #8 · answered by Nunya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my group of friends go for dinner for everyone's birthday and we all bring gifts and pay for the birthday person's meal between us. talk to Kelly about it and if you can afford it, it would be a nice thing to do. otherwise dont worry about it. being there is the most important thing. have a good time
2006-10-13 05:37:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The ones who invite people should pay for the dinner. Otherwise make it a rule among your group of friends that this rule of "going Dutch" applies to everyone's birthday dinners.
2006-10-13 20:59:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk with Meg since she organized the event and ask what her intentions were.
Normally, no you wouldn't have to pick up the tab unless you wanted to since she invited you to dinner.
2006-10-13 05:23:57 · answer #11 · answered by Lauren 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋