Who are you to judge me and all the countless other's?

Question

Why do a lot of people out there look down upon Teen Mother's? I had a baby at 17, and she is now 5. Before I was pregnant, I was a drug addict, a drunk, a high school drop out, and a lot of other things I'm not proud of. When I was getting off drugs, I became pregnant. ( thank god I wasn't using then) At that moment I realized my life HAD to change, and now I had a reason. So, I went back to school, I stopped partying. I got a diploma. Then came a full time job. I had my baby, got my own place, and it's been me and her. My parents DIDN'T raise her. If they baby sat, I even paid them. My baby CHANGED my life. Without her, do u know where I would be? Jail maybe? Dead somewhere?
Today people tell me they're proud of how much I changed. How I put that little girl before me, and raised her the best way I knew. Can someone tell me what is wrong with this? There are women in their 30's who can't accomplish what I have. But yet, you tend to judge me and all teen mothers. Why?

I'm really not saying I should be applauded. I'm just thinking why judge me until you walk in my shoes? And to be honest with you there are alot more teen mom's out there who have gotten pregnant accidently like myself, who have changed greatly because of it. I'm not as rare as you think.

Another thing, I DON'T "promote" teen pregnancies. I'm just saying IT HAPPENS, and there are young mothers like myself who stand up to the responsibilty. C'mon, there are older women who have babies, who are no where near ready to do it. Yet, I don't hear people bad mouthing them?

Answer 1

Well done,

You deserve to be congratulated for achieving what you have.
It is a pity that the stereotype of a teenage mother is so negative.
Many more I'm sure are like you and rise to the occaison and succeed.
People often criticise what they don't understand, or what is not part of their life experience.
Being a parent is about putting your children first and but also about accepting responsibiltiy as you have done. There are probably many non-teen mothers who do not do this.

Try to take less notice of the critics, I think they are more concerned with the morality issues around teenage pregnancy and believe that this a growing problem.
I think that there have always been teenage mothers, some responsible and some not. It is a pity those who are not get into the media more often.

Maybe Oprah should do a show on the "Good Teen Mothers" to show the nation what you can do !

Answer 2

I agree with you! I was 17 when I had my first child. I was pregnant my entire senior year & gave birth to my baby 4 days before I walked across the stage & got my diploma. Like you said I too have been a better mother & more responsible than some women that wait til they are older to have kids. I, now 24 years old, have 4 children ages 6, 4, 2, & 1, & I have a full time job, a nice house & my children do not go without anything they need or want & have a good life.

I do not promote teen pregnancy either but just to automatically assume that a woman is not a responsible or good mother just because she is still a teenager is WRONG. Being a good mother & responsible adult is within the person no matter how old they are.

Answer 3

I was a teen mother as well, I had my daughter at 17. Then I got married to her father. We have had 3 more children together and are very happy. I understand the way that you feel. I was both a teen mother and a teen wife......so there was a double stereotype. I think that yes, things would have been much EASIER if I had not gotten pregnant, but at the same time, I would not be the responsible person that I am today had my life gone a different way. I applaud you because I know how hard it is to be 17 and realize that you have a whole other life to take care of. I remember sitting in the hospital room scared to death, holding this little tiny baby, and vowing to her and myself that I was going to make it right and prove to everyone (myself included) that I could do it. and I did. My husband and I are still married (7 years) And now we are a happy normal family of 6.
my advice to you is to not care about the stereotypes that other people put you in. All you need to know is your own story and what you overcame, and how much your child means to you. Let everybody else talk their talk, because all they are doing is showing you their ignorance and close-mindedness.
Hope you are enjoying being a kindergarten mommy!

Answer 4

You should be proud that you changed your life. I applaud you on doing so.
I guess they judge cause you were a teenager when you got pregnant. Some people do believe that a teen will not take care of their babies. I do know alot though that had babies at age 15 & 16 and they put their kids off on grandma. That is what gives people the impression that all teenage moms are like that.

If you are doing good in life and your daughter is thriving then why even worry what people say? Only god can judge.

I had my son when i was 21 and i wouldn't change anything about it. I am glad i had a baby at that age (some people told me i was too young). Now i am 27 years old and i still haven't had anymore kids yet. He is 5 years old and doing good in school. So when it comes down to it if your a good parent and your kid is not doing without love and support then what can people really say?

People just love to put others down to make themselves feel better.

Answer 5

you know i know exactly what you are talking about... I was doing most of those things when i got pg. Then when i had my daughter she changed my life completely, just like you. I realized too that i had to change my life around and make better to raise my child in my life. I too thought after i made this big change that things could have gotten worse with me... (land up dead somewhere, be a complete drug addict, jail and who know what else)

Most people don't understand that when we got pg we were careless about having sex because i always thought it would not happen to me. I was wrong it did... They also do not know the life style we were leading before this happened. The people who look down at teen mom's shouldn't because having a child could be the best thing that has happened to them and in our case it did. IF anything they should be proud that we are taking responsibility for our actions and that we did not go off and have an abortion because we want to still be partying..

Answer 6

Because you are not like all teen mothers. Most I knew in high school leached off their parents and family and ended up partying while mom and dad took care of grandbaby. I had a child by 20. I also had to work and find a way to support my daughter. The fact that you grew up because you had to was your choice. Some people never grow up, even in their 30's....
the reason I would tell a teen mother to wait is because of the hardship it caused. I know what it is like to not be able to go back to school an have to struggle to make it ahead in a business world when you have no college education, assuming you were going to get one after high school.

Answer 7

Hat's Off to you. Yes you need to be applauded. What you did was not something you see everyone doing. I have a member in my family who got pregnant at 16 and was leading much the same life as you explained. She changed her life around. She is 38 now got 2 daughters (she had one later at 22). Both are very nice kids and had a great childhood. She is a Chemical Engineer in texas and earns more than lot of men do in this country.

The point of the matter is a bend in the road is never the end of the road as long as ppl realise to take that turn.

Answer 8

WELL THE FIRST THINGS WE NEED TO DO IS STOP WORRYING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE AND FOCUS SOLEY ON OURSELVES
THE SECOND IS JUDGING NO IT AINT RIGHT BUT ITS TRADITION AND THEY ARE GONNA DO IT JUST AS SURE AS U SLIP UP
THE OTHER THING THERE IS NO ACCIDENT IN GETTING PREGNANT
BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW WHEN U LAY DOWN THAT THE CHANCES ARE GETTING PREGNANT STILL WONDERS THE CHANCES OF STD'S STILL WONDER BUT WE ACT IN THE MOMENT AND THINK NOTHING ABOUT CONSEQUENCES AND THE REALITY THAT WILL HIT IN THE FUTURE THEREFORE U ARE SOLEY RESPONSIBLE

A MISTAKE IS A MISTAKE : ANYTHING MAN DOES THAT HE OR SHE DONT PLAN OR INTEND IS A MISTAKE THEREFORE IT WAS A MISTAKE
AND ALOT OF THESE HIPOCRITS(SPELLING MAYBE WRONG) SAY WELL AINT NO BABY IS A MISTAKE BUT THATS ABOUT THE ONLY TIME THEY A$$ES USE THE WORD OR NAME GOD NAW
NOT IN GOD'S EYE AND WILL BUT FROM YOUR STAND IT IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE BECAUSE U DIDNT MEAN TO DO IT DONT GET ME WRONG BUT EVERY CHILD IS BLESSING
IF U DROP A GLASS THAT U MENT TO HOLD ON TO ITS A MISTAKE NOTHING ELSE

BUT IN YOUR CASE GOD WAS THERE FOR U AND HE BROUGHT THAT BABY TO MAKE U THE WOMAN U ARE NOW
SO DONT TAKE YOUR TESTIMONY AND THROW IT IN PEOPLES FACE THANK GOD FOR IT
ITS A BLESSING AND ITS ALOT TO COME OUT OF ON TOP ANYHOW U HAVE MADE IT
TELL YOUR STRORY AFTER U ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACT GOD DID IT BECAUSE NOONE ELSE DID

U NOR YOUR CHILD IS A MISTAKE GOD PLANNED VERYTHING TO BE JUST THE WAY IT IS
AND HE DIDINT LET U GO OUT THERE IN START DOING ALL THAT HE GAVE U AN OPRION WHETHER U KNOW IT OR NOT
EITHER U SMOKE OR U DONT DRINK OR U DONT NOONE FORCES U
BECAUSE U ARE U AND YOUR STRENGTH IS YOURS
HE ALLOWED U TO EXPERIENCE THIS TO GET STRONGER HE GAVE U YOUR STORY AND TESTIMONY
SO FOCUS ON U NOT OTHERS BECAUSE POEPLE ARE GONNA BE PEOPLE LET THEM SAY WHAT THE HELL THEY WANT
AND PEOPLE SAY IM SO PROUD OF U
BUT THEY DONT MEAN BECAUSE IF U WERE EVER TO GO BACK OUT THERE
I BET U TOP DOLLAR THEY WOULDNT COME TRYING TO BRING U BACK IN
PEOPLECAN SAY THAT IN BE SPIT JEALOUS OF U
JUST KEEP LIVING IN LEARN THIS LIFE AS U WILL

COURAGE DOES NOT HAVE TO ALWAYS BARK,SHOOT
LIGHTENING OR ROAR IT CAN BE THAT SMALL VOICE ON THE INSIDE THAT SAYS ILL TRY AGAIN TOMMOROW.

CONGRATUALTIONS TAKE KNOW OFFENSIVE AND GOOD LUCK
WELL GOD BLESS!!!

Answer 9

Your right, people do look down on teen moms. Unfortunately your one of the few success stories we get to hear about. I'll be honest. I do not agree with teen pregnancy.......but, like you said things happen. Now my reason for not agreeing with it is that not many young women think like you, or myself. I was also a teen mother. I have 3 boy's my age was 15yrs, 18yrs, and 25yrs. I also got off of welfare, and worked full time. I pay taxes, medical, etc. A lot of women are to immature to handle the emotional stress, and responsability.

Answer 10

Well I don't judge anyone. It isn't my place. The scriptures say "judge not for with the same measuring stick that you use you yourself will be measured." And I say you do deserve applause for realising your life needed to change and then ACTING to change it. That takes courage and determination. Wonderful qualities you will pass on to your daughter.

I'm with the answerer who said accidents happen and that that is different from girls who purposely get pregnant to either get they guy to marry them or because they feel it is a status symbol. There are even some that feel a baby will give them something of their very own, like a piece of property.

All the best to you.