How do I deal with the loss of my fiancee? She took her life 3 months ago and it is not getting any easier.?

Question

I am not feeling guilty as i know this was not my fault. I am beating myself up looking for the "WHY" because everything was bright for our future. This was a total shock to EVERYONE who knew her.

I have realized that I cannot do this alone. I am seeing a professional. I thought by now that I would be able to handle this better. My Faith is really being tested. If there is no afterlife/Heaven then what a waste this all was.

Answer 1

I am so sorry you had to go through that. Time will heal the heart!

Answer 2

Have you tried group therapy? Sometimes speaking with others who have gone through the same thing can help. Maybe talking with family members and trying to commemorate the beloved. Seeking online information can help specifically here http://www.afsp.org/. This site can provide you with telephone numbers that direct you to people who can help.

At this point you may be feeling anger, sadness, and guilt. It's normal to experience that, it is normal to grief , that's what makes us human. The grieving process differs from person to person. Some deal with a month of grief, others with a year, and others take several years. The healing takes time. The problem is coping with it.

People are often plagued with guilty feelings. You may feel that you could have done something. Maybe you thought "I should have paid more attention" "I could have been there, I could have stopped it."
You have to understand that what happened was not your fault and that suicide is not a rational act. Experts cannot predict the act and therefore it is not within your power as well. You did the best you can in a situation you cannot control.

If you experience anger it is best to verbalize your anger or write it down. You may place blame on, but anger must be overcomed and faced because it can prevent you from feeling sadness. The hardest part you must face, but it is the only way you can heal.

Sadness can be shared, it is the main thing you have in common with others who experienced the same loss. Sharing this can help you understand that feeling and it lets you know you are not alone. Experiencing this will help you heal in time. Remember the best things about her, the good times. Those memories will remain forever.

Remember that Suicide is not your fault, you are not to blame. Grieving is a normal process, it takes time. But speaking with other will help you cope and heal.

Answer 3

Having lost numerous people in the past year, and especially significant ones over the course of the last 5 years, all I can really do is sympathize and tell you that it does feel better after a while. The place where I had difficulty was trying to justify my relationship with them, whether I could have done things different, uncovered the places where I felt guilty about something, and brought it all to light. I found that by carefully examining things, and trust me, it is a painful process, that no matter how much I wanted for my words to have been different, or the situations changed, I could do no more right now than forgive myself for being human and flawed. I was never quite "all there" for my Mom before she passed, and didn't recognize things that were happening for what they were. When my sister passed less than a year later, it brought up everything I thought I had failed my Mom on as well. My Dad passed just this spring. And I gotta tell you, my kids are tired of my emotions, worn out from my heartache, and just want me to get back to living. But it takes a lot to overcome grief. I reserve my infrequent weepy times for my own time away from eveyone else now, but for a while, it seems as if I isolated myself from the whole world.
I can say, though, that going through some of my families mementos has helped me cope. I finished making the quilt tops for projects my Mom had started, and gave them to my other 4 siblings. I have used the tools my Dad as a carpenter had, and I still build things to honor him. I keep the good parts of our relationships alive, so I never feel that far away from them. Do that. Honor her and the good parts of what you had. The pain will fade, slowly I found, but it will.

Answer 4

oh my god hun , Im so sorry . Thats terrible . I dont know what to say . people handle loss in so many different ways. I dont think there is anything at all that can help the pain of your loss, you just have to push through it and try to live your life the best way that you can. I wish I had something better to tell you , but I want to give you my condolences and my hope that you can get through this. do something to honor her memory maybe could help a little bit, for you and her family as well .. my prayers are with you .

Answer 5

First of all I am so sorry to hear that. Time will be what heals you. I know that sucks but it's true. I have lost lots of loved ones in my life and time was the only thing that healed the wounds they left behind. Right now it seems like your life will never be the same again, and in all reality it won't. But that doesn't mean that you will never be happy again. Don't try to forget her, instead try to organize your memories of her. Laugh at the good memories and cry at the sad ones but go on with your life. Trust me, it will get better just don't rush it.

Answer 6

It will take as long as you let it, the pain and loss will never go away. We just learn how to deal, she had problems no one could fix not even God. She was a lonely and miserable soul, I hope that you can move on. The thing is not to forget about her, embrace her beauty and the happiness she had when she was here. Allow yourself to take at least ten minutes a day to think about her mourn and move on. It will get easier for you, just don't focus on the negative just the good memories. Much love, and good luck.

Answer 7

I lost my mom 4 months ago.My step dad moved in with me.The hurt for both of us is not getting easier,it`s getting harder daily.I can hide my emotions sometimes but my step dad is a complete mess without my mom.People say it will get easier but to tell the truth I dont think it ever will.Im happily married and still miss my ex boyfriend that was hit by a car on the interstate 19 years ago.I guess him passing away and me never having a harsh word for him is why I miss him.I always did belive that God will not put anything on you that he knows you can not handle.If you ever need someone to talk to email me at [e-mail] or send me a message in yahoo messanger.

Answer 8

I don't know exactly how you feel, becuse I am not you, so I am not going to say " I understand how you feel etc" I do know that losing somone is extremely painful.. I lost all my family when I was given up for adoption... My real Mother died when I was 18 months old, it has led to some other emotional issues. And the best thing I have found is too... Find a therapist who can help you work through your emotions and cognitive distortions.. I am so sorry that you are going through this.. Losing somone you love, is hard enough but when somone takes thier own life, they leave alot of un-answered questions...
If you believe in God, or are a Christain , you can pray and ask Him to help you find ways of dealing with the pain..
If you are not a Christain, thats okay... I am not trying to push religion on you, but I personaly know that it has helped me, that is all I am going to say on this .
But.. Find somone please.. Don't hold it in,believe me. .. It doesn't help to hold it in..
One thing I have found that helps a bit, is helping other poeple who are in need, or who are hurting themselves.... just a thought.
I hope things look up for you, in this time of pianful sorrow.

Answer 9

Sorry for your loss. I would go to a psychologist or a psychiatrist or a counselor who helps in death and let all of your emotions come out and tell them how hard the last 3 months have been. They might put you on med's. Take them if they don't work call the Dr or whomever gave them to you and they can change them. It sounds to me your suffering from Depression. I understand. Also Take you med's daily or how they are prescribed

Answer 10

I am so sorry you're having to go through this. I've been there. The first thing to do is quit asking yourself or blaming yourself for what you did or did not do. Secondly, get enough sleep and eat nutritious food. You have to take care of you. You cannot bring her back. Whatever it was, she wanted to leave, so please accept that, the sooner the better. Keep busy, see friends, even when you don't want to, and time will help you feel better. I promise.

Answer 11

God loves you, and you are precious to him. He can help you to get over sorrow, and start looking forward to bright future again.


In the Beginning God created heavens and earth.
God gives you air to breathe and sunshine to enjoy.
God gives you water to drink and food to eat.
God gives you a wonderful body and sound mind, to live.
God loves you, and you are precious to Him.
Son of God died on the Cross to save us from condemnation.
Jesus’ love is boundless and everlasting.
We have the hope of Heaven through Jesus.
Life therefore has fantastic and glorious future!
(Digestion of above can even prevent depression and suicide attempt.)