Do you think its rude to ask someone if she is planning on having children?

Question

Is it rude to ask someone that you are not close with if she is planning on having children?

Is it rude to ask someone that you are not close with if she is planning on having MORE children?

I don't ask someone unless we are close friends. I had a bad experience where I asked a recently married co-worker about her having a child one day and she said that she couldn't have any. I felt horrible for bringing it up. But to be fair she asked me first and I just asked her the same question.

It doesn't bug me when people ask me if I plan to have children because I do, but if I found out I couldn't have kids then I might be hurt if someone asked me about it.

What do you think?

Answer 1

I usually don't ask unless the topic is brought up first. You never know who might be offended by it. I have a cousin who hates that question cause she doesn't like kids and refuses to have any. I myself might not be able to have any and want at least 1 of my own but I don't mind that question, I just answer yes, cause one way or another I will have at least one (natural, adoption, etc...)

Answer 2

I think it all depends upon the person and how the question is brought up. Each situation can be different, say the woman has a pushy mother in law, who asks every day when she is going to have children, or if she has had any miscarriages, that can be rough. I would only ask the people I knew very well, some people can take a innocent question the wrong way.

I would not ask someone who has children if they are going to have any more, because it is not your responsibility to take care of those children and unless she is abusing and neglecting the kids, it is her right to have as many as she can take care of.

Either way, you will find someone in every crowd that finds any question insulting. There is always one who makes everyone else look and feel bad. I would use your best judgment when asking this question.

Answer 3

If she asked first, it is not rude to ask her back. How were you supposed to know that she couldn't have kids? But it would be rude to just randomly ask someone out of the blue. I think it would be rude only because my sister has been trying to have kids for about 6 years now and has had no luck and I am currently due in 5 weeks to have a little girl. I would feel bad if I heard someone ask her if she wanted any children... because she just can't seem to get pregnant and I know how badly she wants to have a kid.

Answer 4

I wouldn't think it was rude and if you ask someone who can't have children it shouldn't matter because how could you know that information without asking. Specially if she asked first. Don't feel bad for asking but it's fine to sympathize with her situation.

It also kind of depends on the nature of the conversation. You can make anything sound rude if it is asked the wrong way or at the wrong time.

But over all I would not think this question is rude.

Answer 5

It bothers me when people assume I'm going to have kids and when. After I got married last year several people asked when I was going to get pregnant. I don't have any interest in it right now, not sure I ever will. Just because I'm a women doesn't mean that people should automatically think I should have kids. I told two guys once that I didn't want kids and they looked at me as tho I had just shot someone.

Answer 6

I pay attention that from married women alot. a pal of mine, who wasn't making plans on having little ones till after she complete grad college and have been given a sturdy pastime, became being forced, forced, forced to have little ones on an identical time as nonetheless in school, because of the fact she became married! Hell, my fiance's mom is already making plans the style of youngsters (curiously all women) i pass to have... i think of that's impolite too! What you do is as much as you!

Answer 7

I don't think it's rude until someone starts asking how a person could go through life not wanting kids. If you don't think it's 'right' or it's crazy to not want kids, then don't ask. I always hated it when I'd say I don't want kids and the 'asker' tries to change my mind, quotes the bible (because the bible says I'll burn in hell for not wanting kids or some such rot), or tells me I'm crazy.

Answer 8

I don't think it's rude at all. It just depends on how the person that you're asking perceives it. There's nothing wrong with making conversation. Some people are just a little more uptight that others. That's all.

Answer 9

My reproductive habits are no one else's business, in my opinion. When someone asks me when I plan on having kids, I ask them, oh, when was the last time you had sex? The two go hand in hand and usually serve to alert the offending questioner that my sex life is NOT their business.

Other times I tell them the truth, that, like your coworker, I can't have kids, if they're especially obnoxious or someone I particularly don't like.

I find it a question nearly as offending as asking when my last bowel movement occurred. I try not to visibly take offense and reply in a hateful tone, but to be perfectly honest, some questions aren't anyone else's business.

Answer 10

I don't think it's rude at all. I have two beautiful boys and I cannot have anymore due to medical reasons. My husband and I are confronted with the "so when's #3 or you guys should have another baby! or the infamous...you should try for a girl" ugh!, it doesn't bother me because I'm extremely happy with our family of four, although I would have liked to have more children. I don't feel it's rude.