how many times would you ask someone before you gave up on them?
2006-10-13 04:17:24 · 14 answers · asked by Pussycat 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
sorry about the typo. it is me. i have been asking my partner for 2 years. i really love him. we have been together for almost 6 years and known each other for 7. together we raise my deaseased brothers child. i love this man. he does everything for me. he just doesnt want to marry. i dont want to live without him. my eyes water as i write this. i dont want to be just a girlfriend all my life. i want marriage, he doesnt. either way someone is gonna not get their way. i dont want to die never having had a husband. i love this man. i just dont think i can go on just being the girlfriend. i don want to start over. i am already in my mid 30's. i have worked so hard at this. andi feel like maybe i wasted my time. i cant express to him anymore about how much i love him. his arguement is that marriage changes nothing,and that i would be throwwing everything away just because he doesnt want marriage. i dont think i want it anymore either. my feelings are hurt and i feel stupid. please cheer me
2006-10-13 04:29:05 · update #1
If it truely is the love of their life, Never
2006-10-13 04:24:56 · answer #1 · answered by flashpro 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I asked my husband of nearly six months why he didn't ever want to get married and he said two things: he didn't want to be responsible for someone else AND he wanted to keep his (perceived) freedom. So there's a guys perspective :)
I think what alarms me is that he said that you would "throw everything away" because he doesn't want to get married. That's kind of passive-aggressive and he's putting all of the responsibility for the relationship on you. A relationship involves two people (married or otherwise) working together for the benefit of both people. I mean, your boyfriend is right that marriage doesn't change a lot of things...we're the same now as we were before. But what has changed is our committment to each other, and our commitment to "us" and our life together. I think that your boyfriend is either just not ready for that, or not interested.
I don't know the whole situation so I can't tell you what to do, but what I can tell you is that if you are ready for that kind of commitment, and you are ready to do what it takes to have that kind of relationship with someone, you need to evaluate whether this person is really the one. You can be with someone really great, you have all the right things in common, it seems *perfect* because of all that you've shared, but that still doesn't mean they are *the one*....and I don't mean in a soulmate kind of way, but in the a *I can create a magical life with you because you want the same thing as me* kind of way. He may be a soulmate, but he may not be a life-mate.
Spend some time with your girlfriends, spend some time with yourself, and see what awesome gifts you have to offer someone that wants them, and then see if your current boyfriend is the one. This is hard, I have been in a similar situation, and I wish you luck :)
2006-10-13 06:10:43 · answer #2 · answered by ValentineP 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would recommend that you leave him. he obviously thinks he can string you along forever. And why? Does he have a negative view of marriage? Does he need to remain "available"? Is he hanging on to you until he "find someone better"?
Read the book by Robin McGraw (Dr. Phil's wofe) "Inside My Heart. Robin dated Phil for 3 years, and he wasn't ready to get married when she was, so she left him. She didn't try to use emotilnal blackmail or manipulate him. She just left him. Her attitude was that when he was ready, and IF she was available, then she would marry him. She didn't want to be married if she had to convince him. She knew she could do better.
If you navigate to "previous shows" you will find a transcrpit of a recent show that featured guests with your same problem, and if you visit the message boards, you might gain some more insight.
www.drphil.com
I would be hurt, frustrated, and feel betrayed, too if someone wouldn't commit to me in your situation. Hang in there sweety, you don't have to put up with it.
You know the old saying "Why buy the cow if the milk's free?" I think you understand this. It's your decision about what you should do, but I wish you well.
2006-10-13 04:48:09 · answer #3 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've told him and told him how important marriage is to you, and he STILL doesn't want to do it, then you have a VERY difficult decision to make dearie. You have to decide how badly you want to be married, and it sounds like you want it pretty bad. Is it worth staying with this man who you love, and who you say loves you (but not enough to understand how important this is to you) and giving up the possiblity of marriage? Only you can answer that question. Based on what you've told us though, I can tell you he's probably never going to marry you though. He's had plenty of opportunities to do so. If I were you (and I'm not) I would give him an ultimatum, tell him that you've repeatedly told him of your desire to get married, and you need that committment from him, or you'll have to leave. Give him a deadline, say you want to be married in 6 months, or a year (max). You don't need to have a big wedding (as a matter of fact, I'd discourage it, maybe that's what's holding him back). Tell him you just want a simple ceremony for family and super close friends, but that you want to make that committment to each other in front of those people in your lives who matter the most to both of you. If he can't make that committment to you by then, then it's time for you to pack your bags, and leave him, for good, and don't look back. There are plenty of wonderful men out there who believe in marriage, and you need one of those. I'm so sorry, because I'm afraid you're about to go through a very painful time in your life, and I pray that you'll find the strength to do what's right and best for you. Best of luck to you!
2006-10-13 05:10:16 · answer #4 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One time. If you ask and they say no, that's it.
You sound desperate - makes me question whether you really love this guy or you're just worried about never get married. If he doesn't want to marry you, then you must move on. Better to do it now then keep waiting for something that's never going to happen.
2006-10-13 07:32:17 · answer #5 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, number one I do know how you feel, there's nothing like having a "Formal-Wedding", to show how much you love someone.. However, in one more year, you will be condered married according to the laws..in some states.. After 7 years, you're offficially common-law- married, and I do believe you can also, claim one or the other on your taxes, should you have proof that you have been together residing together for 7 years.. But, I wouldn't give him an "Ultimatum". Why? you ask. Because, guys are terrified of going through the whole ceremonial, thing. My ex-husband & I wanted to just have us and a witness at our wedding.. Well, he wanted to use any excuse in the book not to get married, even using the money to go to his Home State instead, thats how scared he was of getting married. It really made me feel bad!! But, he did it, just the two of us!! And afterwards he was like "That wasn't so bad, Mrs.Kelley!!" Ha! Ha! If you will only do a "Big-Wedding" that could be his reason for not wanting to do this at all.. You might want to check to see if a small wedding w/ just one witness would sefice., for him? I'd atleast ask him, if you guys could just elope, (so to speak) to Las Vegas, instead, then get a room and do a little Gambleing, and or ask him how he'd feel about taking a trip to Vegas? Then take him by all the little "Adorable wedding chapels they have all over, that town" and tell him, wouldn't this be the cutest little chapel to get "Married in? Hun." Drop hints, but dont drop him, you sound like you've got a "Keeper" on your hands, in your life, I wouldn't let him go, under no circumstances.. If this makes you feel any better, my daughters father, I thought surely would ask me to marry him, after our daughter was born,... Nope, eventually we went our seperate ways because of another woman , who gave him three sons, before he finally said "Lets get married!!" We're talking they were together, for about 10 years before, he'd gone ahead and asked her to marry him.. I kid you not!! I told my daughter "Better her, than me!!" Because, he's so "full" of himself, and another reason we parted, our seperate ways.. But, I actually "Congratulated her when she called, to tell me they'd finally tied the knot." Simply because she gave him three sons, and put up with all his crap, I told her, you deserve this more than you know.. She sounded surprised that I'd said that, and that I was so "Happy" for them.. I guess she expected, me to be "Jealous!" NOT!!! If anything I feel sorry for her, that she's had to put up with him this long!! Good-Luck, to you, and remember, time, will take care of itself, for you.. Pray, for God to change his heart, about you, for God to give him a strong desire, to want to marry, you end your prayer, In Jesus Name.. Smile!!!
2006-10-13 04:51:23 · answer #6 · answered by Hmg♥Brd 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not sure if I was him I would have given up a long time ago.Consider yourslef lucky if he asked again.I would never want to waste my time with someone that wasn't sure if they wanted to spend the rest of their life with me!! Thats never a good thing!
2006-10-13 04:20:56 · answer #7 · answered by Dee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One time....if you get rejected it is time to move on. Unfortunately your man seems to have you where you are not willing to do this (start over). Good Luck
2006-10-13 05:46:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if i loved them to ask more than once ... I would keep on asking as they say once is never enough. so in another words if i love d them i wouild keep on asking until they said yes
2006-10-13 04:23:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once, the next time they have to ask.
2006-10-13 04:25:58 · answer #10 · answered by pallas_atalanta 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋