What Is Your Opinion Concerning Deadbeat Dads ?? (see details)?

Question

Has your life, and the lives of your children, been adversely affected by the absent father?

Do you view this as a blessing in disguise?

Please elaborate and add anything you wish. I am truly interested in your opinions.

Thank you.

Sinyckel....thank you for your honesty and a viewpoint I had not considered. I appreciate the insight.

Char....point taken. I used the term Deadbeat Dad, because it had come up in another question.

Bad Cosmo...well then report me if you wish, worse things have happened. I like this section, someone else in another question referred to a bad experience with a deadbeat father....thus the reason for my asking.

PARADISE REB....I needed the laugh. Thank you.

lateralus....I agree, I should have used the term Deadbeat Parent, and I apologize. I have raised my kids with no help from their fathers, and I suppose I have my blinders on. You and Char have both pointed this out to me, and I thank you.

Ash....my father has not spoken to me in 28 years. Although he did not spend time in prison, I understand the emptiness.

Answer 1

I wish my life had been affected by the absense of my father. Unfortunately for me, he was around to be abusive, and to try to indoctrinate.

Answer 2

Deadbeat Dads? There are several different degrees to this term. One being the father that just fell off the planet after impregnanting the Mother. Two the Dad that does pay his childsupport faithfully but has no part of his child's life. Third the Dad who is doing everything possible, but it's never enough for the Mother. Fourth the ones that play at it, they give the Mother a little money here and there, visit when it's convenient for him.

I have several friends that have to deal with these different types of men. Some of them wished they would consider it a blessing if the father would just go away. Their presences is actually doing more harm than good. One of my friend's son just turned 13, his father is a hit and miss Dad. He sat on his front steps all his birthday waiting because "he promised". This man was missing after Hurricane Katrina, the son was going crazy with worry. Dad didn't have time to get word that he was ok, and living it up in Dallas. Three weeks this child suffered.

I also seen Father get taken for rides by the Mothers. They pay and pay and never enough to satisfy her. One of my friends lives with his parents, the court order child support is paid ahead of time, then he still gives his ex-wife more. He buys the kids clothes, all their school supplies, everything. She is using the kids to make his life a living hell, because he does love his kids. He's trying to raise the money for a lawyer to go back to court for physical custody. I will be there in the courtroom supporting and cheering him on.

Who's to say what is right and wrong? I am not qualified, and but I do regonize the pain in children's faces, especially my little neice who father left her when she was 6 months old. He's given my neice $150 since he has left. She's 26 months old now. I wonder how long $150 would last him? He's out partying in his new car, and my neice is working two jobs. She doesn't get to see her daughter a great deal not by her choice but by his neglect.

Last my friend, Steph, her ex doesn't pay a dime. He picks up the child from school every Friday. He loves him, gives him his time and concern. He occassionally is able to buy things for him, but not often. Steph's son knows that he's love by both his Mother and Father. There are some women that won't let the child spend time with their parent if the support isn't paid. They are having to pay for the time with their kids, is that right?

Totally lost

Answer 3

It was adversely affected for a while, but later I did view it as a blessing in disguise. My two older kids father was absent in the home. When he was around, he was abusive. He committed suicide when my now 6 year old was just 2, and my now almost 5 year old was about 7 or 8 months. For a while, I was worried about how to tell them about it, but they don't even remember him. I've found someone else now, and we've been married almost two years. He's adopted them and we have a child of our own. He loves them like they are his biological kids, and he's the only dad they know. Also, my first two kids' father's family was really mean and two -faced. They gave me no support. But my husband's family, treats them as if they were born into the family. I couldn't be happier. So, I guess the saying is true that it takes more than the ability to deposit sperm to be a dad.

Answer 4

No, my husband is a great father. My Dad was OK, but at least he was there. I do feel for the many whose lives have been affected by absent parents. I do see your point about it being a blessing in some way. If the parent doesn't care about their child or was an abuser before the marriage broke up, why would you want them around? I tried to make my comments gender neutral, because there are deadbeat moms out there too.

Answer 5

I've never met my dad, he went to prison when I was a baby and I contacted him a few years ago when he was released and he said he didn't want to know me because he hated my mother so much. ppl said it was his loss not mine, but I don't think they understand how it is not to have a father. I know he is not someone upstanding or really a good person but I still have this empty place inside of me that no one else in the world can fill. I had no male role model when I was growing up, I have not really been able to fully trust the men in my life and I have always been very fearful of my children having to go through this. I just cant understand how someone can not love their child or not want to be a part of their life. I have 4 children that do not have a grandfather and also are missing a whole side of their family, and the same goes for me as well. It is very very hard and I know I will never feel complete.

Answer 6

I lacked a male role model due to the fact my mother left my indescribably abusive father. Although it would have been far worse had she stayed, I believe that I was adversely affected due to the lack of both parents being around.
If nothing else, I had to teach myself how to shave, lol!

It's the main reason I'm still married. To give my young Son the stable home I strongly believe ALL children need to enable them to experience their future with as little emotional baggage as possible. It's also, I believe, one of the reasons so many kids today go off the rails and rebel so strongly, because their home-life is/was not a stable, loving one involving BOTH parents.

Of course, one cannot stay in an abusive relationship simply for the sake of one's kids, because that would cause far more emotional problems for the child then having one role model absent, so in such a respect that would be a blessing in disguise I feel.

:)

Answer 7

I had a good childhood- my parents have been married for 40+ years. My husband had a pretty unsettled homelife as a child. His parents divorced when he was about 8 years old (they divorced because of numerous affairs his father had). His dad married a woman from one of the affairs- the woman was extremely cruel (to say the least) to my husband and his sister. His dad would never really take up for them- he would either defend HER or brush off her actions and comments. His father never made an attempt to stop by and see them, never made time to take them out for the day, never even really bothered to call. My husband and his sister were forced to visit their dad and his new wife on the weekends- that's really the only time they spent together. Somehow (I don't know if I could have done this) my husband has repaired his relationship w/ his dad- they get along great now. My husband and I have a baby now- and his dad is the same way with her as he was with my husband. He'll see her when it's convenient for him (I think it's partly because I don't allow her to go to his house because he smokes in his home and I don't allow people to smoke around her...but let me say that I've repeatedly invited him to our house- I've made it clear he's always welcome... I would think he would agree that my daughter's health is important). But, hey, it's his decision whether or not to be involved in her life- I don't think that's something that I should try to force. I think it'll hit him when she's grown up and he realizes how much he missed out on. Do I resent the fact that he puts himself before her all the time? Yep- but what can I do? Nothing I guess. I just feel my father-in-law is a selfish person- I think anyone who can repeatedly cheat on their spouse and break up their home is selfish. (There's a big difference in a mistake and just outright disrespect for your spouse) And the way he treated my husband and the way he treats my daughter frustrates me even more. Sorry- I guess this isn't really the answer you were seeking...but I guess I needed to vent.

Answer 8

I've had 2 experiences with dead beat dads. My father for one. My ex, is another.

My father was around somewhat, took me and my brother when he felt like it, and thought only of his needs. Although now we have a fairly good relationship, I still think about the times I needed him the most.

My ex, well, such a long and complicated story as many could be. But for someone who claimed they would take care of their child no matter what, and not be a dead beat father like his father was, he has done a very poor job. I rather like it that he sees my son only 2 times a year, and not by his whim. It just confuses my son to see him on a regular basis, and then not see him at all and repeat the process (this he used to do a lot).

Answer 9

Spooky, u have to b the most polite athiest on this site. I view the absence of the father as a blessing. It's a long story, but the kids r better off without their donor. I have a husband who accepts my children as his own, and they love him and know no other "daddy". I would not say that they r adversely affected at this point. Maybe some day when they're older and can understand the implications of him demanding a paternity test before agreeing to child support, that might be a little upsetting to them. He never sees them even though he has rights and visitation.

Answer 10

i had a deadbeat dad growing up, my parents got divorced when i was 3 and my mom moved me from oklahoma to texas, when we got here my mom always told my dad where we were, my father did not see me again until i was 9, and the next time when i was 12 or 13. claiming that he didn't know where i lived but we lived in the same spot all of them years. he never paid a dime, as a teenager i started looking for a father figure but i didn't realize that is what i was doing at the time. as of now i don't see my dad very often nor do i really care to. it has affected me,

Answer 11

there is always a situation to evaluate. No blanket opinion suits me. I knew a neighbor once who lost his kids to a truely promiscuous women (unfortunatey I am not proud of this but knew from experience) and she was also vbindictive. She won custody because she had intimate relaytions with the judges wife (a guy who was honored with the jackass of the month award in Hustler mag). Then the judge authorized her to move far away and made the support payments so high he could not pay both the support and the travel to visit his children so he saw them and spent time in jail, for contempt of court. So from far away he would be called a dead beat Dad but close up was he???
The wife ran off with a well to do guy so the children did not suffer for want.