How do I get people to do things w/o offending them?

Question

everyone seems to have a problem with the way I talk to them even if I'm saying "will you please do this or that". Or can you go to the store and get me this I need it now. I am a manager and I am very direct. Some people say that I don't know how to work with people that I have no people skills, Help!

Answer 1

If you have a spouse - ask your spouse how you come across. He/she can probably tell you immediately what it is that is happening. More than likely - it is your tone and body language that is off-putting to your employees. Treat your employees respectfully, firmly and fairly - and they will do anything for you. Treat them poorly - and it will rise up and bite you in the butt. There is nothing wrong with being direct - direct is good. You can be direct without tearing down employer/employee relationships.

Who has told you that you have no people skills? Was it upper management - or was it an employee of yours? Ask whoever it was that told you this - what EXACTLY it is that you are doing - ask them to give you examples. When you have this information, sit back and think to yourself - how could I have handled this differently? If you honestly don't know - then perhaps you need to see a counselor.

In the meantime - just remember FAIR, FIRM, RESPECTFUL.

Answer 2

I generally have a conversaion. Hi, how are you, chit chat. How is your workload today? (they answer) I have something I'd like you to do and I need it back to me by tomorrow morning (right away, or whatever). Does that work with what you've got on the go?

What you are doing is sending the message that you know they do have work to do, and you understand that your's is NOT their priorty. This way, you have communicated the deadline (you cannot say need it now everytime) and you are giving them the autority to manage their time. If your need is urgent, communicate the urgency and why you need it now as opposed to later. I've never had a problem with someone saying, just let me finish this email/letter, whatever, and I'll get to it. If you don't need it right away - DON"T ask for it right away.

I have always tried to make sure each person that has worked for me has been empowered to judge what is a priority in their tasks. It's not appropriate to decide my work is most important. That person has to decide.

Also - if you are having trouble getting people to do the work you ask for, then maybe check into if it is appropriate to be asking them at all? Are you delegating your duties or is it part of their job? IF you are delegating, then they have the right to say no. If it is part of their duties, and you are their boss, why are they still working for you?

Answer 3

Maybe it's your tone and facial expression. On the other hand you don't want to seem easy so people walk all over you but you want to let people know that you're the one in charge and you are above everyone but at the same time down to earth enough to be their friend. Try using a more discreet tone of voice.

Answer 4

Conversing with other people isn't simply about what comes out of your mouth, it's also about what your face says, your tone says, and your body language says. Are you asking in a way that comes off demanding? Are you glaring at them in a "I'm your boss, you have to do it" kind of way? Are you standing with your arms crossed in a very defensive manner? These things might sound silly, but remember that much of what people think about us comes from how we put ourselves "out there" in the world. Smile, be kind, and be sure you're not asking people to do things you just can't be bothered to do yourself - there's a difference between delegating and bossing.

Best Regards,
Holly

Answer 5

I would suggest asking them how they would prefer you ask for them to do their job. That will either give you a good idea of what you can say or make them shut up. A lot of the time employees vent frustrations and blame everything on the manager, even if its not the manager's fault.

Answer 6

Maybe working on your tone of voice when you are asking, sometimes we are unaware of how we sound. You could also go to the local library and check out some books on the subject that could be beneficial on the subject of dealing with others. Remember it is not what you say, but how you say it. Good luck and God bless

Answer 7

Whoa I had the same problem. I will suggest to you this book
Get Anyone to Do Anything: Never Feel Powerless Again--With Psychological Secrets to Control and Influence Every Situation by David J. Lieberman
I found it very useful and easy to follow. And yes you can get people to do what you want and they will be happy doing it.
It really worked for me in getting my raise when my boss said he couldn't afford to give me one.

Answer 8

You are the boss. If they don't want to do as they are told, they need to be self employed. You don't have to be rude or mean about it, but when you are in charge you are in charge. I would much rather work for someone who tells me what she wants when she wants it instead of 'hinting' that 'someone' needs to get something 'soon'. "Susie, get me some napkins here now please. I see we are totally out." That lets Susie know what needs to be done and when, no confusion. It isn't like you are a lord and she is a peasant, but it is like you are what you are, The Boss.

Answer 9

Always remember "its not what you say its how you say it" The tone in ones voice can be very detrimental. Place a tape recorder in your area of work and listen to yourself, you might be amazed. Good Luck KG

Answer 10

I have a problem with people who do things like that. If I were you I would try to make whatever you need their idea. Or change your tone when you ask.