what do you do?

Question

Iam having alot of problems with my son he is four and tells me he hates me and wants me to leave and never comeback he cries over every thing he says he is sad all the time he never acts like a four year old any more I am at the end of my rope with him . Should I take him to someone to talk to??

He does go to preschool so he is around kids his age and when he started going he loved it but that is one of the things that has changed also he now cries althrough the day and when we ask why he says because he misses us

I agree with most of the advice I am getting but how can youjust ignore this behavior I feel like Iam going CRAZY he has cried all morning over the same thing when he gets upset about something he just wont stop

Answer 1

i really wouldn't worry to much, unless he is not playing or talking or doing anything at all, my son also just turned four and he is going through a very defiant stage, yelling, throwing fits, when i tell him no he says i will anyway, then he is on this thing, where he says " i will kill you" but i am not worried its just a phase and when children are disciplined they get angry and its always at us!! So right now they say alot of stuff they do not mean, because they don't know any other way to express to us how mad they are or how upset we have made them...and mine is in the whining stage, i am about to lose my mind, i have found that sitting him in his room without his tv on or anything, and making him stay there for 4 minutes is working the best right now, BUT BEWARE he will get mad and yell at you and say mean things and when he does tell him he has to stay there longer the more he yells at you. When his time is up make him tell you why he is in trouble,( this step is great) and that he is sorry. THis stage really sucks.....Please don't feel bad,, you are not the only one going threw this, and if you cant take anymore just go sit on the couch and take some deep breaths, I hope all works out for you , need anything else just e-mail me [e-mail] would be glad to talk......

Answer 2

Is your son very smart? Does he have the vocabulary well advanced for his age? My son does and he acts the same way. I think sometimes very intellagent kids know that this behavior concerns us and gets our attention. They are so smart that they figure out how to turn their words into guilt. He mad be trying to guilt you over something that has hurt his feelings. I almost took my son to a shrink because he even went so far as to let me he wished he would died. He didn't really want or think that he just said it because he knew that at that moment when he was in so much trouble these word would trun my emotions from being angry with him to being concerned for him. When I realized what my son was doing I talked to him and explain that he was hurting me with his words. I told him I loved him more than anything in the world and didn't want him to be so sad and say things that he really doesn't mean. Everytime he had an episode we stopped and talked about why he was saying such things. We got past in after a few weeks. If you cannot talk past this with him talk to your doctor.

Answer 3

Sounds like you have your hands full. Try not to pay him any attention when starts to whine and act out. If he is really hurt or needs help then give it to him but if it's just constant nonsense then don't give him that attention, but yet when he is beening good give positive reinforcement and as muchas possible don't shy away from that . It may show him that there are other methds of getting your attention.
Try tio spend more one on one time with him as well. I call it mommy and me time and I don't answer the phone during this time. This way ALL of my attention is on my daughter.
If none of this seems to help then try to talk to your pediatrician and they will be able to point you in the right direction.
Good luck and I hope thing s get better.

Answer 4

I have custody of my four year old grandson. I was having the same problems with him. I enrolled him in Head start and now he is doing much better. I think he just missed not having anyone his own age to play with. the thing that concerns me the most is your son saying he is sad. Most four year olds don't use that word to describe an emotion. Have you had a recent death or divorce in your immediate family? If not, I would advice you to see your pediatrician, since it is possible for small children to have a chemical imbalance.

Answer 5

OK LISTEN- You NEED to try and talk to him. Most of the time when a child acts out in this kind of manner with such a dramatic negative change in moods, something has happened. I don't mean to scare you but don't ignore it. Take him to your pediatrician and ask him his opinion. I've seen this a lot with young kids. He could be being bullied at school, ask the teachers if they noticed anything, or something could have happened at home. Does he go to daycare after school? Look into it.

Answer 6

I have a 4 year old son as well. When he gets upset at me or my hubby he says I don't love you anymore. Its over little things like not making him a lego truck he wants. Its a stage that I think little kids go through. My son also tells me he is upset at me, or you hurt my feelings. It is hard, when he says mean things I sit him down and tell him thats not nice and it hurts mommys feelings when you say mean things like that. I also ask him if it would hurt his feelings if I said I don't love him. Next time he acts out sit him down and talk to him...ask him how he would feel if you said those mean things to him. I am not sure if you have had something happen in the last few weeks..like someone leaving or dying, maybe your working more. Try and spend time with him. There are some great websites for kids that me and my son go to and he just loves it.
http://www.garfield.com/fungames.html is a great site for young kids they have coloring pages, puzzles all kinds of stuff
this is a cool site for adults and kids my son loves this game as well
http://fallingsandgame.com/sand/NewSand.html
Even sitting on the pc playing together is fun.
The whinning is hard to get through. My son does it over every thing. From what he gets for a snack to going to bed. Its just a phase you just have to stand your ground.

I would try and talk to him, and he sounds like a smart kid ask him why he is so sad. Hopefully he can give an answer. But make sure he knows that what he says to you when he gets upset is not nice and it makes you sad too....ask him how he would feel if you did the same. If spending time with him and talking to him you see no improvement then I would get help.
It hard for kids to understand how to express their feelign in the right way...if you feel your self getting mad and wanting to yell ....tell him mommy needs a time out and go to your room for a min or 2 and calm down. Screaming and yelling at him won't help much but make him more sad. I hope things get better and please give me an update on what you decide to do. But don't feel alone there are several of us going through the same thing.

Answer 7

I would suggest that you do take him to talk with someone. But before you do maybe you should spend time with him. (TIme on his level). Take a couple days from work (if you can...and if you work) and make that Mommy and me time. Have lots of fun. Sometimes when kids begin to act out it is a cry for more attention or pesonal time. Don't bring up the problems just enjoy each other.

Answer 8

Alot of children say these things. It is odd for a four year old to be saying he is sad, but there is the possibility that he is emotionaly developed.
My only suggestion would be to get him around kids his own age. Be patient with him and let him say he hates you. I went through a fase myself telling my mom that. She just let me say it and would say back "and I'll always love you". Eventualy I just stopped doing that.

If he continues doing it, and you notice that he is emotionaly striken it might be a good idea to take him to a doctor.

Answer 9

I would definitely take him to a child psychologist. This does not sound like normal 4 year old behavior. There could be some serious underlying problems.
Good luck.

Answer 10

Yes do it while he is young cuz you dont want a teenager acting out in this manner, he might be craving more attention and feel alone, you need to take him to a counselor and get rid of this problem cuz these are the kind of kids that grow up to be a teenager and you hear on the news that they murdered their own parents....you need to get started early on this one..