Yesterday was the epitome of awful for me. To sum it up, my ex husband told me he wants to give up all rights to our daughters (in not such nice words). When I called my bf of 7 months to talk out my thoughts...he said he would try to come over later for me. When I called again at 9, he said he "would have to pass" and he was pretty busy. I really needed some emotional support from someone who says they love me...but he passed. I was extremely hurt but told him it was no big deal. After crying myself to sleep (I'm racked with guilt for bringing my two beautiful, innnocent daughters into this world with a man who treats them like yesterdays garbage) I awoke this morning thinking maybe I expected too much from my bf this soon. But it has been a long time since I dated and I don't know what is going on!!! Any ideas on how I can approach this subject with the bf w/o starting a fight?
2006-10-13 03:26:03 · 22 answers · asked by babe 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sounds like you need to start looking for a better b/f...
You are not expecting too much....
You just need to be a little more choosey in your selection of b/f's
2006-10-13 03:29:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, he may be a really nice guy, but if he doesn't have the time for you when you really need it then where will he be when something life threatening comes along.
He told you he would have to pass, then the next time he wants to come over for sex or for some special attention just tell him you will have to pass.
It is not all right that he would "have to pass" when you needed a shoulder or an ear just to listen. He doesn't really sound like a man who will put you and your daughters first above all else in times of need.
Another thing, don't let your ex make you feel bad about anything. He has shown who and what he is so it is best not to waste another thought or emotion on him. Never let his attitude be known by your daughters. They will eventually find out on their own. I would tell you to hit his a s s for child support to the hilt. He can disown them in his heart but he can't disown them to the courts.
He will still have to pay and pay until they are of age. He will either pay or never work an above the table job again. He is their biological father and he cant get away from that.
The boyfriend, he has shown you who he is and where he is in times of need, I would suggest you find someone who will be there for you and your children when you need them, in any way.
When someone shows you who they truly are, believe them the first time they show you.
He has shown you that he is a fairweather boyfriend. Is that what you want? Or do you want someone you can depend on in every way?
Lose his sorry, self absorbed A s s.
I hope things work out for you for the best.
J
2006-10-13 10:40:44 · answer #2 · answered by frankly2u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very tough question...your still in the early stages of a relationship with your boyfriend and you don't really want to come down hard on the guy, but your feelings were really hurt. At the same time your angry with your ex and feel sorry for your daughters. Wow! You certainly have a lot on your plate.
Take a deep breath...now do you really think that this guy of 7 months is worth investing any more time in? If no, then tell him how he made you feel and find someone who truly cares about you. If yes, then blow it off and maybe mention it casually, but don't make a big deal about it. Although, that sounds like what you may have done with your ex husband.
Just keep in mind...we are only treated how we allow people to treat us.
Be strong for your daughters and show them that life without a man IS worth living and if they are not treated how they want to be (by anyone) that life is short and that they need to move on.
I hope this makes sense, but you don't want to have another ex down the road, right?
2006-10-13 10:33:43 · answer #3 · answered by toobusy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, First and foremost I am sorry for your situation, however I honestly don't think you were expecting too much out of your boyfriend, and just like you're upset at him I would feel the same way. I mean think about it, you guys have been dating for 9 months that's enough to formalize a serious relationship. So what I think you should do is bring up the subject in a subtle way and express yourself to him, try not to get emotional about it and just explain to him how you feel about the situation and how he made you feel for not being there when you needed him. If you notice that he acts as if he doesn't care well then give him the cold shoulder. Remember stay calm. Let me know what you think about this suggestion.
2006-10-13 10:35:03 · answer #4 · answered by KBF 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looking for a little emotional support when your day turns into a suckfest is not wrong. The error you made, however, was when you said "I was extremely hurt but told him it was no big deal." By telling him that it was no big deal you validated his behavior. He will now operate as though nothing is wrong because he, like most men, will take you at your word. Now, when you blow up at him and accuse him of not being able to read your mind you will likely cause the fight you claimed to be so worried about.
The truth is that either this guy is going to be the right one for you or not. On the off-chance that he is a good guy, my advice is to work on your communication skills. You had a terrible day and went looking for solace in your boyfriend. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, you should own the feelings you have. You should also not hide them or pretend they do not exist because it does you no good and is damaging to your relationship.
2006-10-13 10:33:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your bf seems like he's too self involved to be in a relationship with anyone. Maybe he had a bad day as well and didn't feel like talking to you about it when you started talking about your situtation. You weren't expectng too much at all. My ex and i were together for one year and in that time we became best friends! We talked to each other about everything after three months of becoming "exclusive".
You deserve better!!! Make sure you let your bf know in a calm understanding voice the way he made you feel and if he understands why you're upset. If he starts an arguement...he knows he's in the wrong and too proud to admit it!
2006-10-13 10:35:04 · answer #6 · answered by Amber D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd just say something like 'You know, I really could've used your support yesterday....I felt like absolute garbage, etc.' Don't attack him but let him know how hurt you are so he has a little more empathy than last time. He has been with you for over a half year so that should count for something. If he acts disinterested then he's prob not ever gonna be worth your time. There are lots of nice, supportive guys out there who will treat your daughters and you like the beautiful ppl you are!
2006-10-13 10:32:34 · answer #7 · answered by Christabelle 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry that things are not going well. I hope that you did not tell your X that he was excused from his daughters lives. If he stops paying support call the child support enforcement people. Keep a journal of any missed visits, because one day he is going to want to reestablish contact, and you will want a record. As far as the new boyfriend goes, you can't make him responsible for your kids, but it was not nice of him to not see you when you really needed him. Let him know that you are hurt and why. Good luck. We are in very similar positions and I feel for you.
2006-10-13 10:32:32 · answer #8 · answered by tigweldkat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A couple of things are happening here. It sounds as if you might be creating too much drama in your relationship with your boyfriend and he's responding by 'checking out'. Yes, it's sad that your ex wants no responsibility for your daughters, but instead on dwelling on that, look at it as a blessing in disguise. Perhaps not having a father around who treats them like garbage
will allow them to grow into healthy young women who will make better choices in men than their mother did. You need to pick yourself up, stop crying and feeling sorry for yourself. You are lucky to have two beautiful daughters who will always be there for you. You might also want to consider some form of counseling to discuss your relationship issues with men. Your current boyfriend sounds emotionally unavailable- just like your ex!
2006-10-13 10:31:52 · answer #9 · answered by cheyennetomahawk 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cant offer much advice on that, except that Im sure you are a wonderful person who deserves emotional support, I am having alot of issues at school now, etc, and I have to admit I am having the same issue, where I find myself alone when I really need support. Not just from my boyfriend (who i am having issues with) but even my friends. So, you are definitly not alone, dont follow my example, go out and find someone to make you happy!! Or, try to rely more on your friends and family for support. Good luck!
2006-10-13 10:30:26 · answer #10 · answered by musicgurl1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear that but you can be there for your girls and maybe it was to soon for your b/f to be there for you in that kind of way so cut him lose i bet if you said lets go in the room and fuc k he would be there in a second busy or not and tell him it is a big deal those are your kids who dad don't want to be with them anymore but don't worry you will find someone who want you and your kids take time out enjoy being single be a mom and relax he will come just in time
2006-10-13 10:33:43 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋