I have no desire whatsoever to become a Mum. I'm 25 and I have a long term b/friend. I'm mature for my age and I've never been in the slightest bit maternal. It drives me mental how many people, upon finding out that I don't want children, say "Oh, you'll change your mind one day!" - it is patronising and offensive. I know my own mind and don't want kids in my life.
I think a lot of women 'want' children because that is what they have been brought up to feel they need to make their lives complete - perfect husband, perfect kids, perfect house. I have made a concerted decision, based on my lifestyle preferences, not to have kids. I've thought it through and I'm very happy to be childfree. In fact, I've probably thought harder about NOT having kids than a lot of people think about having them. I have no problem about people who want to and do have kids, I'm very happy for them so why can't they extend the same courtesy to me?
How do you all feel about women who don't want children?
2006-10-13 03:18:29 · 46 answers · asked by demonicas8n 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
HoosierMommy06 - I'd be absolutely traumatised if I found out I was pregnant - I'd be straight for a termination. However, I'm intelligent enough to handle contraception so that has never (and hopefully will never) be an issue for me.
2006-10-13 03:24:36 · update #1
Kristen - I don't 'worry' per se what people think (if I did I wouldn't have been a Goth as a teenager or speak my mind quite as much as I do now). I just find it odd that some people treat me like an outcast or call me a lesbian (yep, I've had that) or assume they know my mind better than I do when I tell them that I don't want children.
2006-10-13 03:30:03 · update #2
I'm with you on this and it irritates me more that in social situations as you get older you become excluded from conversations by other women. I'm 41 and have a flat tummy so when they ask how i get it i just grin and say no kids...it does have it's benefits..my bf has got a gorgeous Honda s2000 and we can do whatever we want..yippee. Women are very controlling and possessive by nature and like conformity but hey girl break the mode..but never ever have a termination no matter what or it will screw up your whole life. keep using contraception and enjoy your life
2006-10-13 03:32:18 · answer #1 · answered by minerva 7 · 6⤊ 2⤋
I have to say I didn't want any children either. I am a 32 year old woman and am now a "mom" of my 13 week old great niece. Her parents are drug addicts and I chose to take the baby. I think the reason I never wanted children was bcs I enjoyed my freedom too much. And people use to say I would change my mind someday but until my niece needed me I had no intention whatsoever of having children. I just don't think that the maternal instinct is in every woman from get go. It is a personal choice, when people say to you "you'll change your mind" it does get very frustrating, people sometimes just don't understand why a woman wouldn't want children. Hey it's their issue. But I do know that if I ever were to get pregnant I would not have an abortion. If I didn't want the child even then I would give it up for adoption there are a lot of people out there who can't have children and want them.
2006-10-13 05:27:00 · answer #2 · answered by carriemehome25 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ya know, I was there when I was your age. All my life, I had no interest in having kids, my mom was fine with this. I was going to be just like my aunt. When I was your age, I was in at that point a 7-year relationship. He was dead set on having kids, I was dead set against having kids...especially if it meant continuing the bloodline of that family. We are no longer together, I left him after 10 1/2 years together still professing to never in my life want kids. Hell...I'm a career student, when am I going to have time to have kids? How am I going to give up partying for 9 months??? And definitely how in the hell can anyone even afford kids??? The good thing for me is that no one thought I was a freak (except my ex's family) for not wanting kids. As I said, my mom (both parents actually) were fine with it. Some of my friends were/are the same way...others want but can't have...others are so fertile it's scary like they're breeding football teams or something. And I also thought that should I ever find myself pregnant I would - are you pro-lifers reading this - abort the baby. But anyway, I'm now 33, and earlier this year, I met someone that I believe is 'the one' (yes, I do believe there is such a thing). And guess what? I actually, for the first time EVER in my life find myself wanting to have a kid. Noone ever thought I would be like this, because I was so anti-kids. However, I'm not saying that you'll change your mind someday. Each person is different we know this. I was just sharing my story with you...nothing more than avoiding doing actual work I guess. But don't worry...you aren't a freak and those that tell you that you are because you don't want kids...why not just tell them you don't want to contribute to the already overpopulated planet...or this world is so f'd up that you wouldn't want the responsibility of bringing an innocent life into it...or (like my aunt) you want to spoil your nieces and nephews...something along those lines...
Good luck to you!
2006-10-13 03:38:40 · answer #3 · answered by Sunidaze 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At the moment I don't see myself having children and i'm 24. But I'm not ruling them out completely yet because circumstances always change.
However, I get really miffed as you say when people try and make my mind up for me and tell me why I should have children. Theres plenty of people I know who I want to tell shouldn't or shouldnt have had kids. What right have they to tell me that i should/ve!!
However, I'm not for this whole termination thing as I feel if I was to fall pregnant then I had two lives to consider not just mine.
I think if I was to fall pregnant by accident I would have to have the baby because I am at a time in my life where there is no reason I couldn't support a child, whether or not I wanted to and because I am certain of that I wouldn't resent it. However, like you I have no intention to have any accidents whatsoever.
2006-10-13 03:45:40 · answer #4 · answered by tamara19 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think people who have children or who want children someday can't understand those that don't, so instead of just letting it lie they try to find reasoning. Ultimately, there doesn't need to be a reason. You just don't want children. How many women know WHY they want kids? I don't think the majority have a valid enough reason, especially with the world the way it is, overpopulated and rife with terrorism, murder, rape... who really would want to bring a child into that?
Don't get me wrong, I do want children and in fact am pregnant at the moment, but I can't give a valid reason as to why I want this baby - I just do. The same as you just don't.
I think maybe you are stressing out about it a bit too much. If both you and your partner are happy with your decision then you have to justify it to no one. There'd be plenty of people on your back if you had a child and then neglected him / abused him / generally didn't care about him...
Just be happy.
2006-10-13 03:34:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think because most women assume that the mother is in all of us.... but then again, as someone once said to assume is to make an '***' out of 'u' and 'me'.
The comment about sterilization seems on the surface perfectly reasonable, if you're sure you dont want kids, make sure you dont have them.
Then again I spent my twenties loathing other people's children and being absolutely sure and certain I would never have any. Most of friends agreed that a. I would never have children and b. that I wouldnt be a very good mother (because of my intense dislike of having kids). In spite of all this I now have a son (and partner), who I now couldnt imagine my life without.
I guess some people think you'll change my mind. I have to admit, without a huge series of major changes in circumstances I doubt I would ever have changed mine, but never is a long time.
2006-10-13 03:31:20 · answer #6 · answered by Pington 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wanted and have had kids. You don't. Cool. The more I read questions like yours, the more I try to stop asking those types of questions. Do what it right for you, and don't let others make you feel like a freak. Better to not want kids and to live that way than to not do anything about it, have a kid, and hate that they were born.
I was the third of four. My Mom was told she couldn't have more, so she was shocked when she became preggy with me. My sister followed quickly therafter and my Mom made sure there would be no more! We are close now, but not until I was an adult. I applaude you for knowing your own mind and not letting other people's opinions change it. I assume you have had a tubal, then? I hate hearing about women that refuse to get fixed, but keep popping out kids. You'ld think they know how babies are made!
2006-10-13 03:38:07 · answer #7 · answered by Velken 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think that women who don't want children are smart. (Sounds horrible don't it?!) Kids are a lot of work. Some women lose themselves when they become a mom. I think that it is a personal decision and no one call tell you that you are wrong for that. At least you are taking the correct measures to insure that it doesn't happen accidentally. (Watch out for condoms breaking though, I have two kids from that!) I think most people will tell you that you may change your mind because of your age. And no, those of us with kids don't say that because we are jealous of anything. I never put on any weight or got any stretch marks from childbirth. Most women feel it's what we are supposed to do like you said.
2006-10-13 03:37:35 · answer #8 · answered by faierylady 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
At the end of the day, it really isn't anyone's place to judge you for what you do or don't want in life. I suppose because most women go a gooey over kids and babies and have the 'maternal instinct' they assume that all women will. And whilst it is possible that in years to come you may change your mind, you also may not. That is your right and whether they like it or not, people have to respect that.
2006-10-13 11:51:23 · answer #9 · answered by Daisy the cow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Funny you should ask this! I'm 26 years old, been married for 4.5 years. For 25 years, I NEVER wanted children. I just 'knew' it from the time I was a young girl. I had no desires to have children at all. I told everyone that - I even told hubby on our first date. My hubby has always loved kids and wanted them, but he decided he could sacrafice that for me. Anyway, I was the 'anti-kid' woman, everyone knew it. I was the one with the anti-kid bumper stickers all over her car. It was just who I was. I heard a lot of negative stuff, I heard over and over again I'd change my mind and it made me so mad.
Well guess what happened? lol To my suprise, I changed my mind! Last year, my hubby had gone down south after hurricane katrina to help out with clean up, and when he was gone, it just hit me. I don't know why or how, but it just hit me. I finally realized all the positive things paretning could bring and ever since we've been TTC. My hubby and I are very happy and are so excited to become parents.
I know that not EVERYONE will change their minds. I respect your choice not to have children, I felt that way for 25 years. I think nothing negatively about you. But what I have learned is 'never say never'. What I should have been saying all those 25 years was that 'no, right now, I do not want kids'. You never know what life is going to throw at you. Am I telling you you'll change your mind? No, not at all. Just saying, life threw at me the biggest shock ever, and I couldn't be happier. I wish the best for you, whichever you choose. Good luck.
2006-10-13 03:50:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you want to have kids, knock yourself out. I am the same, 25 in a long term relationship and although we talk about it, we don't feel the urge at all. I have no maternal instincts and I know, although she has not said, my fiance's mum thinks there is something wrong with me because I don't even get maternal around our nephew. People always say that to me as well, you will change your mind, but even if I do, its none of their business! People keep telling us we are getting quite old now as well!! Cheek! Thats mainly because our parents had marriage and kids by our age and it baffles them that we are just doing the mortgage part at the moment! Just let them cluck on honey, you know your own mind! x
2006-10-13 03:32:27 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋