why is it hard ti trust girls when you have once been disappointed?

Question

i was once involved and i gave my all.it was so sad when i found out that i was the only one offering mywhole.it was so hating when i discovered that she was cheating me,after i gone further and based my trust in her.

Answer 1

It's a survival instinct... The same instincts that make it hard to pick up an insect when one bit you and caused your hand to swell before is working with relationships that hurt too....

Answer 2

It is a human flaw. One that you need to work on. Sometimes you can really cheat yourself out of something wonderful if you are always looking for it to fail. Realize that the girl (say her name was Lisa) was trouble but when Julie comes around dont blame her or treat her like she is Lisa. Julie may be the woman that will stick by your side no matter hell or high water. She could be your very best friend and companion. She may be the one that can rock your world at night and still be by your side in the morning. She could be the one you have dreamed of all your life BUT if you treat her like she is Lisa you will never know what a wonderful life you could have had with her.

My husband does the same thing he has lumped women as a copy of his mother. She was a hypocondriac, liar, cheater -you get the picture. And even though we have been married 25 yrs he is suspious of everone all the time. Now I have only been with one man - my husband, I would not do the things his mother did - I am not her... when I am sick or have had surgery he shows no compassion or concern. It is like he thinks I am making things up or something.

Get the picture?! Treat each person as a new individual - capable of mistakes but not prone to act just like ______. Or you could miss out on a lifetime of joy.

Answer 3

Yeah it's definitely difficult when you went through something like that before. Here's something I found on the web. Hope you find it useful...

By Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches

After your heart has been broken, trust can be a very
difficult thing to allow yourself to do. It somehow seems
easier to hold yourself back from really opening again
to another person.

The truth is that you can be in a relationship with
someone for years but not truly trust them--not
be open to them. There may be jealousy that
needs to be addressed or perhaps there have
been infidelity issues in the relationship. Maybe
your relationship has come close to separation
or divorce. Maybe you have never had these
problems but there's still a part of you that holds
back from completely opening your heart to
your loved one.

The best dating advice that we can give about
learning to trust again is to begin looking at all
of your relationships from new eyes and consider
how you are trusting or not trusting in them. Then
decide to take one step forward to enhancing trust
between the two of you.
If you aren't dating right now, you can begin
looking at your trust issues in the other relationships
in your life--whether they be family members, co-
workers or friends.

Here's some relationship advice for you to consider
if you want to learn how to trust again after a
broken heart...
1. Heal the issues that are left over from past
relationships. Some people believe that when you
enter into new relationships, you are starting fresh
and you leave all of that baggage from previous
relationships behind you. While you always hope
that's the case, the truth is, you don't always heal
everything from past relationships when you move on.

If you are aware of your patterns in past relationships,
you can learn to consciously change how you react
in similar situations with your current partner.
2. Don't assume to know what the other person is
thinking. If you don't know, ask. Find out what's going
on inside the other person if it's a concern to you and
don't assign meaning to what you see without getting the
clarification that's necessary.
3. Change the self-talk that goes on in your head
that creates "stories" about every situation. These
stories usually have no basis of reality and tend to
simply create mistrust and keep suspicion foremost
in your mind. You can change what you say to
yourself and how you talk to yourself. It can either
lead you to what you want or to what you don't want.
4. Speak your truth and allow the other person to speak
his or hers without getting defensive. This is probably
one of the most important things you can do to foster
trust in your relationships. If you are certain that the
two of you are free to express what you each are
feeling without fear of being judged, your relationships
will become closer and more connected.

We believe that the foundation of any relationship is
emotional safety and trust. This means that physical
safety is a given and you feel emotionally safe enough
to be who you really are and be able to express yourself
freely.

Most people want to place the responsibility for trust
in a relationship on someone else. They base their
trust on how someone acts towards them.

Answer 4

Well you must remember not to place all the eggs in the basket, why not? It´s a matter of common sense, it doesn´t matter if you are noble or not, if you are true to yourself or not. What matters here is that even if you give your all in any situation in life, specially this, always leave some extra care, love, self respect and dignity to yourself, but with or without somebody, you´ll always be alone, you must learn to save something for you for when bad times come. Also learn to read "the signs" in a relationship, if something´s funny, don´t be paranoid, just try to follow up on that in a discrete way, listen to your instincs and don´t justify things that you totally cannot put up with, be true to yourself, talk about it and remember, if you bet it all there´s also a chance of losing it all.

Answer 5

You learn from it, when you get a new girlfriend in the future you will be more specific and be more careful, I promise you that you will struggle to trust that person but spending time with that person and taking it slow will help you to trust that person, when a girl is really interested in you she should really go out of her way to show you that you can trust her and I founded that it happened with me after 1 year of trying and trying and trying I actually won my BF heart AFTER ONE YEAR.

Answer 6

Thats a terrible expierence we all tend to go through. Just learn
from it and try to trust again. There are alot of honest people
out there, and there is a girl out there who will treat you as
you deserve to be treated. It may take alittle time to fine her
and you may have to go through a few first, but it will be worth
it in the end. Don't give up...

Answer 7

Its hard for anyone to ever really trust again. You just have to use your better judgement. its not fair to the next person you date or go out with, because they're going to feel like they're paying for what your ex did to you. And that will never last!

You should take some time to yourself, figure out what you want, and take time to heal your wounds... it won't happen overnight! Trust is something to be earned, and if they dont' put any effort, why should you?

Answer 8

I'm sorry to hear that you were hurt. Not all girls are like that of course- sad to say though you might get hurt again, you just have to chalk it up to life and go on. Eventually you will find that women who is just right for you and will give her all to the relationship. When you quit looking is when she will be there!

Answer 9

It's in the past. You need to move on... Not every girl is like her, trust me I know (I am a girl). People can do stupid things in their lifetimes, you need to understand. You will find someone that you can trust, if you open up again.

Good luck Sweetie. E-mail me if you would like someone to talk to.

Answer 10

It happens...it's a learning process. You just gotta learn that the only way to find true happiness is to always give it your all.
At least in the end you know that you gave 100%.