Am I old yet?

Question

LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES:

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher:

"They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.

The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."

_______________________________________

FAMILY :

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get That forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

_______________________________________

"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"

"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."

_______________________________________

LITTLE LADY:

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

_______________________________________

OLD FRIENDS:

Now this one is just too Precious...

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and
adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what
your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

_______________________________________

SENIOR DRIVING:


As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!"

"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

______________________________________

DRIVING:

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing
it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving?"

Answer 1

LOL!!! Those were great! Gives me something to look forward too when I get "old".....lol But ya have to love the elderly!!! Remember one day, we will all be "the elderly".....I can see myself now being like the lady that ran three red lights....lol.....Have a great day!!!

Answer 2

can not submit to in concepts day before the day in basic terms before this or 1975 besides as ""peanut gallery", Ike's election, and real airborne dirt and dirt roads and old-timey cabins in Colo. and "Burma Shave" highway signs and indicators....yet I do submit to in concepts my Monarch motorbike had a horn tank with a button on the precise go brace and double barreled Dee Gee water pistols. Sputniks got here later and right this moment I force a Mazda P/U with a 350 Chevy V-8 so, no.

Answer 3

Really cute jokes, thank you for sharing. By the way, you're not old, you're aging gracefully.

Answer 4

LOL!!

That last one was the best - I loved it!

Thanks for the pick-me-up!

Answer 5

You are absesed with the elderly arnt you .but those were really funny.

Answer 6

lmfao!!!!!! i liked the "i can hear just fine one" it was great and so was the "family" one that was my first laugh of the day thanks im so telling those to my friends!!!!

Answer 7

That was real funny! thanks for the laugh even though you shouldn't laugh at them. Poor old folks. we might be like that!! hahahaha

Answer 8

I loved them all, but that soup joke was the best!! Thanks for the laugh.

Answer 9

i hope i don't get that old that i can't remember anythings

Answer 10

thats my mum your talking about