I hate to lie...but I did...?

Question

I really don't like the feeling...I am always honest.
Today, a girl asked me whether she is very ugly. Actually she is the most ugly girl i've ever seen,but I still told her"not at all,you are okay". Simultaneously,my soul told me that she is most ugly.

Should I tell her the truth in rather a indirect way?

She seems to be interested in me....but I really don't want to see her have a crash on me...oh,gosh.
Meanwhile,I don't want to hurt her feeling.

Answer 1

Theres different breeds of truth, and most people choose to support the most superficial at the expense of the deepest and most meaningful.

"Do I look fat in this dress?" is not a question. It sounds like one, and if you answer it either way "yes" or "no" you are in trouble. Go for the deeper truth. Jesus nearly never answered a "surface question", he answered a question different than the one asked, or asked a question to answer a question. Learn from the best.

What is the question behind the question.

She isnt asking if she is fat, she knows her body and its beauty and flaws about a billion times better than you ever will. What she is doing is making an indirect statement about her feelings. "Im afraid of looking fat" is what she really said.

So she asked "Am I ugly?". Do you think thats really a question? She knows her looks well, what she is really asking is meant as a pry-bar for you, to open you up and get you to reveal yourself to her. The real question is "who are you?" and your answer was "Im interested in telling you things that make you feel good". If you wanted no relationship with her, that answer was mostly in the opposite direction of what you wanted to ask.

Here is how to handle everything:
- get through the fluff to the real truth by asking gentle, very probing questions.
- once you understand the real truth, both the question behind the question and the statement behind the question, then you can dialog with the real truth.

Practice living in the truth.

The choices and habits you make, make you. They are very formative throughout your whole life. When you chose to lie, it makes your nature more consistent with the nature of the lie. When you choose to live in the truth, and are commited to finding, seeing, and speaking to the truth, then your nature is formed into that mold, and part of who you are shares its nature with truth.

Be a creature whose fundamental nature is part absolute-truth, and dont be a creature who has hidden in his being a nature that is part lie.

Answer 2

I don't think you should ever humor a girl if you are a guy and she asks you how attractive she is. Even if she's the hottest thing you've ever seen, she's actually asking you if you can see anything more than what she has on the outside. You might best have said something like this: "What the real question is, is are you lovely?" "Do you care about people?" "Do you show it?". Help her see how she is lovely in some way... So really, you should get her to start answering her own questions.. and you don't have to answer the one that was wrong in the first place.

Get it?

Answer 3

Honesty is the best thing. It really is. Sometimes honesty comes off as so shocking that it comes across as humor. And laughing together connects people. You sure don't want this girl as an enemy, either! So, as a girl who feels quite ugly myself, I'd feel better if you 1) really listened to my question, 2) thought about it for a moment, 3) looked right in my eyes and said, "Yes, actually I think you are astonishingly ugly... But you can keep on living!" And then grin! You'll have a friend for life, who will not bug you in ways you don't want to be bothered.

Answer 4

You were concerned about her feelings and there is nothing wrong about that. She probably has never been told she was pretty in her life and that may be why her soul seems so ugly.

Obviously, I don't know her, but I feel pity for her more than anything else. She probably has never been treated very well in her life.

You did not tell her you were ugly, and quite honestly, I don't know what I would do in a situation like that either. Because I don't like lying so you had a very difficult situation.

Answer 5

First of all, I think the girl who asked that question has a very low self esteem and u r under no obligation to date anyone who u r not attracted to. I'd suggest instead of u answer her question let her determine herself for that. As far as the date offer she asked on u, u can simply said that u r not ready for a date at this time, give her permission to move on to other boy and wish her luck. U can tell her that it is not the end of the world because u r not ready for a date. Don't let her make u feel guilty by not responding on her date offer and in the future u'd find somebody else with the right chemistry. It is not about lying, it is about finding the right chemistry in between two people. I hope this helps.

Answer 6

No, don't ever be that blatantly honest with someone. She already knows the truth. Unfortunately, most people don't realize that everyone is beautiful in some way, and if someone is a nice person, you can fall in love with them no matter what they look like. They will become more and more physically beautiful to you (even if they're ugly) the more you get to know their inner being and come to love them. Trust me, the love of my life was butt-ugly, but once I knew the inner him, I fell madly in love and came to think he was gorgeous, even though his physical appearance would be rated "ugly" by society as a whole. He was truly beautiful to me and always will be, even though we ended up splitting up.

Answer 7

Just because you think she's ugly doesn't mean that she is. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

If she does like you and she asks you out, then simply tell her no. When she asks why, tell her she's not your type.

Telling her she's very ugly will only hurt her, and she obviously already has self-esteem issues. Why add more?

Answer 8

Then dont hurt her feelings. Make excuses to get away if she starts coming onto you.

No, I wouldnt tell her the truth that shes ugly, but Id tell her that youre already involved with someone or something.

Answer 9

Which answer would benefit the person asking? If you tell her she is ugly, will that force her to become pretty? Not likely. You have to ask yourself whether the truth is worth the insult. It usually isn't.

Answer 10

Lying to keep from someone being hurt is'nt bad.
But afraid she'll get a crush on you isn't much of a problem...just don't lie and say you have a g/f if you don't...if you feel you 2 could be freinds only then say so....don't go telling her she is a dog...that could backfire against you and you could end up being known as heartless.