I have a 6 yr old autistic child who is hard to discipline.......?

Question

He is really a sweet child, but when it comes to discipline, if he's not minding, he laughs in my face. Even when I'm face to face with him practically screaming for him to do right. It's like he's not scared at all. The only thing and last resort I take if he won't listen and continues to laugh is spanking him. What action can I take to stop this and why is he all of a sudden doing it? Is it just a phase?

Answer 1

Disiplining autistic kids is extremely tough! I should know..my son is now 10 and we certainly had a tough time of it, especially while he was younger. I can say that yelling is never very effective...all it is to them is a volume issue. Since they have difficulty with interpreting social and emotional behaviors, they don't connect the increase in your voice with the increased anger and frustration. As for spanking, I have found it to be extremely ineffective and, with many autistic kids, can compromise behavior issues. Many autistic kids get very physical when they get angry and/or frustrated. It takes a lot of time and effort to break them of it. Spanking your child basically undoes all of that by showing him it is ok for him to become physical when words don't work.

When my son was small, we found that punishment had to be quick, immediate and last only as long as he could track the reason for it. For example, when my son would refuse to pick up a toy, I would get down to his level, gently guide his face so we were eye to eye and tell him again to pick up the object. I would also say that if he did not pick it up, I was going to turn the TV off (you can insert loss of any privelage here, but it has to be something you can do immediately...put something in time out, turn off the DVD, etc...it can not be anything you have to leave the room for or wait until a later time). When he failed to comply...or even respond...I would follow through on the promised consequnece. At this point, you may want to step back because this is sure to elicit a very strong response. Then, I would ask again for him to pick up the toy, guiding him to it if at all possible, and repeating that as soon as he had picked it up, I would turn the TV back on. Now, there will be plenty of times in the beginning where he is going to refuse to move. After trying to get him to do as you ask, if he simply won't comply or is too angry, you do it. Make sure you talk it through as you do it. Once you have completed it, go back to your child and say "Now that such and such is done, I can turn the TV back on!" Your child will likely still be angry with you..at this point just give him some space. Do not continue the punishment for more than 5 minutes...depending on his developmental level he won't be able to make the connection and it will become you just being mean.

This is a phase that really has little to do with the autism...most kids become defiant around 5 or 6 as a way to try and establish some independence from their parents. Autism will certainly make the whole thing more challanging. The best thing you can do when these moments arise is stay calm. Once you feel yourself going from the ability to stay focused and in control of the situation into yelling and feeling the need to strike out, it is time to walk away. Even if your child is in a full blown tantrum, you need to back away and get yourself calmed down. I can't tell you how many times I had a very angry son follow me from room to room, throw himself down directly in my path as I tried to get some space so I could handle the situation. Each time he would do it, I would simply step over him and go to another room. As long as your child is in no danger of harming himself or someone else, take the five minutes you need. If it happens in public, quietly but quickly remove yourself and your child to a quiet area (family restrooms are great for this) or to your car and ride it out. As soon as your child is done and you feel ready, head right back in and finish the errand if at all possible. If you simply can't face going back into the store, no big deal... head home, set your child up with an activity and take 15 minutes to call a friend or your spouse to decompress.

I do know how hard it is and it does get better. We found a wonderful school that focuses on behavior management goals as well as educational and that has been a godsend Give your son time...and yourself. Be consistent, keep in mind his abilities and you'll see changes.

Please feel free to message me if you have any questions or just need someone to vent to.

Answer 2

I have an 8 yr old mild autistic boy and yes you are right he is so hard to discipline. Take something that he really loves, autistic children seem to have bonds with little things. I take away his favourite game and tell him to look you in the eye because they have a habit of looking elsewhere and tell him I am taking this away because of ( the reason) if he behaves give the item back and again tell him to his face this is why he is getting it back. Try Super Nanny technique if this does not work a spot in the house with nothing around and tell him he is sitting here for 6 min. Don't spank him it does not work at all it seems to give them fire because autistic kids have a short tolerance to touch very stimulating to them. You will get though it and I hope this phase ends soon.

Answer 3

Remember that any anxiety or unsettled behaviour is due to changes themselves and not to the reasons behind the changes. Just explaining that his father now lives in a different house should be enough. Keep it simple and factual, there is no need to go into explanations about the whys. It might help to take him to see his father's new place, put a photo of it up somewhere with a label 'daddy's home' or show him on a map where it is in relation to where he lives himself so he can get a sense of placement as to where his father has gone to. After a while he will come to accept that daddy lives in a different house but comes to visit. If he does ask 'why?' the question is coming from the attitude of 'why does there have to be changes?' because it has unsettled his sense of order. Maybe you could tell him that mummy and daddy used to be together as a couple , but now they have decided they just want to be friends - and that if people are friends, they live in seperate houses.

Answer 4

I have a 7 yr old autistic child in my home also I know some of the problems you are facing try going to the website for the orginsation called ARC plus you may be able to get free parenting classes threw your school for parents with dissabled children The orginisation I mentioned will be able to give you a better idea about how to dicipline your son but one thing I have learned is that autistics pick up bad habbitts alot easier than good ones n that it takes alot on time and energy to get them out of it the parenting classes that may be avalible to you are in home parenting and the people are specially trained to deal with you child and help you learn how to deal with him good luck and gods blessings

Answer 5

Its probably the way he has found to cope and deal with the punishment. Autistic children dont communicate well, and they pick strange ways of conveying their emotions when they do.

I would focus more on giving him a device or routine that signals to him that his current behavior is wrong. Either a time out spot, a word, or a phrase. Depending on how severe the autism is, maybe even a color card or something that he can associate bad behavior and punishment with. I doubt he's very severely handicaped, or you wouldnt be punishing him with a spanking in the first place.

When he is misbehaving you can take him directly to a time out chair, or something of that nature. That way he is separated in his mind from what was just happening, and what is currently happening.

I'd talk to him, and help him act out proper behavior, and proper emotions when he's not in trouble. So he can better communicate with you, and know how he's supposed to behave.

My thought would be that the laughter is his way of getting your goat and making you angry, just like any other child would do SOMETHING to try to make you upset or miserable when punishing them. Aparently it worked :) Try from not on not to take it personally. Your son is acting like a child, and acting with the mentality of a child, just as he should. Its your job to help him learn and practice more adult behaviors, such as reason and communication. And to learn the difference between good behavior, and bad behavior.

Answer 6

Have you hooked up with a local autism project? If not, you should. You would realize that this is a characteristic of children with autism. You should hook up with parents of other kids with autism and they should be able to give you tips. Also, does your child have an IEP (Individualized Education Program) at school? If not, he should because he would be missing out on tons of services!!

Answer 7

He is autistic, dear; that means he lives in his own world with its own rules. Get some professional advise to help you both to share your "worlds": that he opens his a little so you let in, and that he gets a little out to the "real world"... Discipline is a nonexisting concept for autistic people.

Answer 8

I’m a kid myself and every time my parents yell at me its like I’m getting angry too and I have the feeling of being rebellious, but once they would tell me something in a nice way I am doing it in a nice way also. So I guess you have to do the same, tell him in a nice way. But just remember your kid is not normal, so he needs double care and gentle.
Autistic kids always need attention; if they haven’t got enough, that’s the time they would be naughty to shift your attention to them. All of these naughtiness is part of his ailment, as a mom you need to understand and be there for him always, if you wouldn’t, who else would?
Be patient, it’s maybe tiring to take care of an autistic kid but it’s a blessing. 1/600 kids are born autistic, they may be a pain in *** sometimes but you are still lucky to have them in you life. God entrust him to you maybe because He knows you can handle it like no other.

Answer 9

lordy, that is tough. my three year old has autism, and spanking doesn't often work, because he really has a very high pain tolerance. don't yell at him. don't spank him. get a chair and stick it in the corner. make him sit in it. give him a time out for one minute for every year of his age. you may have hold him down. they also have "time out" chairs. you should ask his thera pist if he has speech or occupational therapy about them. they make it unnecessary for you to make him stay.

Answer 10

Go to your local library and get a book on autism.