My wife left me last week saying that I deserve to be loved and she wasn't able to love me. She insists that she cannot imagine us not being friends in the future but I'm not so sure. She hasn't loved me for two years, the sex ended a year ago, she lied to me last year when she said she was happy and left me feeling that things were ok between us, by early this year she still said her issues were not my fault but by the middle of the year she was clearly thinking of moving on. I never stopped loving her, she has hurt me more than anyone I have ever known so how can I move on from this without her not being a part of my life? There are no children involved nor is there any infidelity, she is 31 and I am 36.
I don't quite get why my friendship is so important to her especially after what she has done to me.
2006-10-12 20:45:16 · 27 answers · asked by Very happily married. 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
well in my opinion most people do not want friend in thier lives that lie or decieve them. But on the other hand if you feel that you can BE friends with her than try it. Love is a hard thing to just cut off like that.
Most of the time it does not work out due to resentment but maybe if you can do it, good luck, it might work
2006-10-12 20:49:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say there is no infidelity, but I feel she is lying to you again by the sounds of things she has a new man to feel confident enough to give you the push, and guilty enough to say that you deserve more than her, women aren't like that if there was no one else involved she would blame you for everything and give you an ultimatum rather than leaving outright. Sadly you'll probably end up learning about this guy when she feels you have been safely split up for long enough. and even worse she has probably been 'seeing' this guy for some time. I hate having to say this, it is just my opinion, but brace yourself just in case I'm right. I've seen this happen within my own family and a few times to mates etc some women think by lying and covering up then going public a while after they have split with their partner to be with the new man this will protect them from being the wrong doer in everybody's eyes. And getting you to still be friends projects the false image that you are somehow cool about this new guy and that you really aren't that hurt and the split was mutual and amicable. good luck with this I hope things go a little more your way with it.
2006-10-13 04:49:19 · answer #2 · answered by crownose 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well the fact that you've spent the last number of years together is probably a good indication. I cant understand why its such a big deal staying mates - unless the break up is totally horrible like if she cheated on your or something - which she hasnt.
Obviously you dont want to talk to her and hang out right with her over coffee right now as you're still upset and hurt - but think a couple of months down the line - it wont hurt you to be civil to her.
I think its nice that shes making an effort to stay in contact once you split - tell her you need time - but once you come to terms with things and get your life back in order that then you'd be more able to decide on the friends thing. Good luck xx
2006-10-13 04:34:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dude she's cheating don't lie to yourself that's the old well it's not your fault scheme don't fall for it you obiviously have conscience and she doesn't don't be fooled and don't let someone else ruin your life you have to move on and be thankful kids were not involved and just think about getting your life back....Being friends is not an option at this point it will just make you jealous and mad and all those feelings you have will never go away cut this one off from the source sorry to say it but, if you don't your gonna be miserable more than a year trust me....been there man
2006-10-13 03:59:43 · answer #4 · answered by MiZaLiTy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is quite normal for the ladies to ask the guys to still be their frds after breaking up . I don't understand why too. Maybe they feel guilty? Unless the break up was done on a different ground.
I could understand your hurt too you know. Imagine I had a sudden email from an ex of 2 yrs to ask for a break up. She didn't answer my call after that. That's even more hurtful.
I suggest if you can't handle the lost of her love, you better don't keep her as a frd or you will just stay stagnant in life. You need to move on. 36 is not the end of the road you know.
Be cool!
2006-10-13 03:59:59 · answer #5 · answered by Geo C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must move on with your life as your wife cannot have her cake and eat it too..!!
She is simply being selfish by leaving u so that she would be able to see someone else and at the same time having you as a "friend" because she knows that you really lov e her.
So buddy tell your wife in no uncertain terms that u too have decided to move on in life and you could do without her in the background. Her presence around u would always remind you of the seperation and you would never be able to come out of it completely and think of having a new partner and be happy again....
So she is a closed chapter of your life and better not fall in her trap for who knows she is only keeping you as a fall back option just in case her new relationship does'nt work out??
Think about it..
2006-10-13 03:58:37 · answer #6 · answered by zaetta 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well once you can resolve your feelings of being betrayed by her can such a thing happen, I'm friends with an ex of mine, who used to cheat on me all the time and hurt me more than anyone ever did in my life, but once I've accepted the fact that it's just not going to work out, and also being the type of person who don't hold grudges for it gets you no where in the long run, we've just develope a platonic relationship, so it's all up to how long it'll take you to get over it and move on.
2006-10-13 03:56:05 · answer #7 · answered by D_RazorSlinga 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh brother there is some infidelity, you just don't know about it. I say you are very sensitive and she is not!! You need to move on QUICKLY before she continues to manipulate you some more. She does not have your best interest in her heart. I am not sure why she wants to still be your friend, she knows how much you care about her and she is still treating you like sorry to say it but "DIRT" !!! Leave her wherever she is, get your number's changed and move on with your life, you are still young and there is someone out there for you. You won't find her if she still has you by the NUTS !!!
2006-10-13 03:53:37 · answer #8 · answered by chubbie dumplins 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you still have any friends who have screwed you over? If you do ,well maybe your the type of guy that likes to be walked on like a door mat.
My x and I are friends today, but there are children involved. Life is too short to waist time on a relationship with a woman who hurts you-- there are too many single horny younger women to fill your evenings with---don't think twice about the X---move on to a better type of lady.........
2006-10-13 03:56:29 · answer #9 · answered by 6ft5inallman 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My first husband and me are best friends to this day, at first he was hurt as I told him pretty much the same thing your wife told you. We had just grown apart and had little in common, we at one time were best of friends and after a year or so we ran into each other and have been best friends again, I can not imagine my life with out him. He is great friend with my husband and his new wife and us all have a great rapport
2006-10-13 03:52:53 · answer #10 · answered by sosueme534 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋