gettig married soon, when we got engaged i was the queen bee, now she cant look at me, never compliments me, and tells all my business to the family???
is this normal? am i a bad person? mum and sons and other brides please help its making me feel like i am an awful person!!!
oh and ive spoken to my fioncia, poor guy he really is in the middle.....
2006-10-12 20:38:51 · 15 answers · asked by princesskel82 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
So I've read the other responses and agree with some.
The reality is that this can be a very common situation. How it ends is up to you...and how you decide to handle it.
Right now, his Mom is having a hard time letting go. The fact that her son loves someone so much probably scares her a bit. She feels like she's losing him completely.
Now, this does not entitle her in any way shape or form to be rude, mean or nasty with you. That type of behavior is completely unacceptable.
I agree with the advice to remain nice to the woman. Sometimes that alone can disfuse such a situation. But, if that does not work, and she continues to be hurtful, your fiance MUST say something to his mother. And I'm not saying he needs to yell at her and tell her to be nice, etc etc. He needs to let her know that he's aware of her behavior and he finds the fact that she would do this to the woman he loves, and has chosen to marry, to be as hurtful to him as it is to you. Hopefully, if she realizes that she is also hurting her son, it will get her to stop.
In the meantime, do not focus on being her best friend or making her love you. She doesn't even have to like you if she doesn't want to. What she does have to do is give you the same respect you give her, and respect her son's choice for a wife. That does include not badmouthing you, or being mean.
If the above doesn't work, then your fiance must put his foot down..again, no need to be nasty.
You always want to give a person like this the opportunity to back down and make things right. You never want to have any 'what if' I'd handled it this way, would things have been better. You be the better person...it's good karma.
Have a girlfriend or someone you're close to that you can rant and rave about this situation to. You need to have someone to vent to...that is not your fiance. While he may agree with you, and think his Mom has lost her mind right now, he does not need to hear a list of bad things about her. It will only make him move away from you emotionally and of course that will only cause further issues for you as a couple.
Best of luck with this. I sincerely hope that things work out soon and without any further feelings being hurt.
2006-10-13 01:12:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Like you said.."when you got engaged you WERE the queen bee. Now she is used to you and is doing what others tend to do once they've known someone longer..and that is to gossip. Once she hears something from you or your fiance she then tells one of her friends or another member in the family. Then the opinions start flying and judgments start being made. Before you know it they have created a whole other unattractive side of you that you are not aware of. It's a nasty habit some people have. someone else replied to kill her with kindness and that's actually good advice. We're not saying to kiss her keester just to answer nicely, respectfully,and agree to "some" of her opinions. Don't feed her anymore info about your life or relationship with your fiance. After awhile she will change her tune about you. Could also be that she doesn't agree with some of your wedding plans. Mother's tend to feel it is their right for things to go the way they want, forgetting that the couple,who are now adults, are now taking on their own lives and making their own decisions. I wish you the best of luck and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
2006-10-12 21:00:54 · answer #2 · answered by Laura R 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Everything Carebear said is true, I would swear she was married to my husband's brother except he's an only child. You aren't a bad person your MIL is just afraid to lose her son. There's not much you can do about it. You can escalate it to a raging fight, but that's about it. I don't actually recommend it, I did that and it's not a good thing. I was young and caused my poor husband lots of grief. We've been married almost 13 years and things are better, of course we moved 2000 miles away so I never have to talk to her or see her. That is a good thing. Your fiance needs to stand up to her and not let her abuse you.
2006-10-12 21:45:20 · answer #3 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a mom of a son...I'm sure his girlfriend feels the same way about me. Difference is this: We gave her every chance to be part of our family, even to the point of bailing her out of jail, and keeping her kids when she went to jail for 30 days for drug possession! She is a lying, skanky whore who is dragging my son down into the mud. He was not raised to be with such a lowlife. So anyway, here is my suggestion: Take her to lunch or dinner, just the two of you and have a nice long heart to heart talk, then after the talk make sure that your actions show her that you have only the best interests for her son. When you show her that you put her son first, she will be accepting of you, I hope. If not, then it is not worth losing sleep over. Good luck.
2006-10-13 00:22:41 · answer #4 · answered by Barbara W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the poor guy out of the middle and set up a dialog with your future-mother-in-law. Simply don't tell her your business, it's none of hers in the first place. You are marrying her son, not her.
Good luck!
2006-10-13 00:42:55 · answer #5 · answered by mindrizzle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey this is just the beginning! I have been married for 5yrs to my husband and his mother has been treating me that way since before we got married...
It's a bonding thing.. she doesn't want to give up her son and when he gets married she just resents it even more because she lost her son.. now she's the 2nd most important woman in his life...
It will continue the duration of your marriage and it more or less won't get any easier. You can try to talk to her and be straight forward and what not, but it more or less won't work.. but it's worth a try!
2006-10-12 21:09:52 · answer #6 · answered by carebearashee 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First you are able to desire to settle for that your mom is unquestionably extremely no longer properly. no longer purely bodily, yet emotionally and mentally additionally. keep in mind that unconditional love, the style we frequently have for our mum and dad and little ones, does not unavoidably recommend unconditional approval. Sear that into your thoughts. there is not any thank you to restoration her, she is rather sick. that's obvious that she does no longer reserve her nastiness to easily concerning on your son. She very needless to say has been a below stellar impression on your existence too. You state: "i do no longer understand what to do. i can't decrease touch as even with the actuality that she hates me and that i detect it tricky residing on eggshells each and every of the time round her, she must be cared for." I do desire you're no longer in charge for her care... while you're, then you extremely might desire to inspect different avenues to offer those centers her. the way it rather is nice now could be of NO actual provider to anybody. Having a one 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous and an sick family contributors member to preserve, rather if that person is as cantankerous and recommend as you post, is unquestionably plenty to invite of anybody. Even someone who became candy and easy-weight could be a undertaking. take a seat along with your dad and tell him precisely the style you sense. enable him examine your post and this one in case you think of it is going to help him to comprehend. Then ask him if he has any techniques on a thank you to pursue different techniques he can get the help he needs to preserve her. try this no longer purely on your son, yet on your very own sake, and for hers. no longer something sturdy can come from what's taking place appropriate now. sturdy luck, i desire you post back to let us know how this might have been resolved.
2016-10-02 06:18:42 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell mom that to knock it off, and that you're going to marry her son whether she likes it or not! Tell your sweetie he needs to stand up to his mother. It's that simple.
It's also a high stress time. Wedding day is looming closer, and she's going to be basically giving her son to you. It's upsetting for her, and she's lashing out because she has no where else to put it.
Don't let it get to you, and just hang on a little while longer. It'll be over soon.
2006-10-12 21:06:46 · answer #8 · answered by Lizzie 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Mom's a control freak, and your sweetie has no backbone.
Things are not going to get better with your future in-laws. Don't delude yourself.
Call the wedding off-NOW-and tell lover-BOY he's got to choose between his mommy or you. Remind him they cut the cord in the hospital.
You'll never win. Don't set yourself up to be the cast-out and don't marry this one.
Find yourself a REAL MAN!!!
2006-10-12 20:46:29 · answer #9 · answered by thatwench 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Try to respect your hubby mom and feel her like your own mother you will happy and then no complain for mum and son.
2006-10-12 21:38:11 · answer #10 · answered by dipak c 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋