Do you think its wrong...?

Question

My daughter is over a year and a half old. I know its important to respond to a babies cries when they are young, so they feel secure and trust you. Does that apply to toddlers? If I put my daughter to bed when she is obviously tired, and I know there is nothing wrong, is it harmful to her mentally in any way to let her fuss for 5-10 minutes until she falls asleep? She often goes right to sleep, but occasionally is just trying to fight sleep. It seems to be helping, teaching her to self-soothe, and that she cant always get her way by fussing, but its not going to cause any probs in the long run is it?

Answer 1

Oh my gosh. My son is 2.5 and still fights sleep at bedtime! The amount of fussing time has gradually decreased over time. No, it's not mentally harmful. Tell her a bedtime story, read a book, cuddle, anything to prepare her mentally, any sign that says, "Okay, it's bedtime now." Give her notice in advance. Try not to have too much background noise that would confirm her belief that she's missing out on something. 5-10 minutes is a perfectly acceptable amount of time to let a child come to the realization that it's time for bed and that mommy's not budging. Children fight sleep because they don't want to miss out, and if she realizes that she's not missing out, she'll cave.

I don't know if this is helpful, but you might find it interesting. My fiance was alone with our son the other night. He told him that it was bedtime, and my son said, "I don't want to go to bed. I don't like sleep." My fiance said, "How can you not like sleep? Everybody has to do it, it's just like eating and pooping! If you have a good night, you'll play more tomorrow." He said our son looked contemplative for a moment and then said, "Yeah." He didn't cry that night and he hasn't cried since. *fingers crossed* He raises verbal objections, but he's been saying things like, "Yeah, I sleepy." Which is a breakthrough!

Answer 2

I do not think that it is mentally harmful to your daughter to let her fuss for a few minutes before she falls asleep. They have to learn that when it is time to go to bed that it is time to go to bed. Teaching them to sleep when they are young is best. It will be better in the long run that she sleeps well.

Answer 3

My daughter is 2 years old, and there is still nights when she will fuss and cry for 5-10 minutes before going off to sleep. She normally hollars to me, asking if she can get out of bed now. I tell her calmly no, it's not time to get up and play, but is time to go to sleep. She normally cries ok, and fusses a little more, and then off to dream land. I know that it doesn't bother her mentaly, going to sleep crying, for when she gets up in the morning, the first words out of her mouth is mommy, as she is runnitg to me with her arms wide open. Hang in there, everything will be okay.

Answer 4

Hello.... I don't think anything is wrong with letting her cry for 5 - 10 minutes. You are correct, it isimportant for her to learn that she cannot always get her way by crying... My husband and I are on our 3rd daughter..but, we get this the most from our 3 year old... and we just keep letting her know that even though she is crying she cannot get her way. She very rarely cries for more than a minute or two once she realizes she is not going to get up from her nap or going to sleep... Keep at it and don't get frustrated or think you are harming her...in the long run..you are helping her..in my opinion...

I found a great website about a year ago...you should check it out (listed below)..good reference for parents...good luck!

Answer 5

No it isn't harmful to her to allow her to cry for a little while. I did this with my kids and they are just fine. She needs to learn how to go to sleep on her own. When it's bedtime in my house, I get my two girls, 8 and 3, to sit down and we read two books. One for the older one and one for the younger one. Then I tuck them into their beds, sing a lullaby to the 3 year old and kiss them good night. I have done it this way since the beginning. There doesn't seem to be any bad lasting effects. So I think that you are doing a wonderful job, keep up the good work.

Answer 6

My older sister had problems with my nephew when it was bed time.

Since he had been born up to the age of four, he had always slept in her bed. When she tried to settle him in his own room, he would scream the house down. Many times she sat there crying cause all he wanted was mummy. She stuck at it and eventually get used to the bedtime routine. 10 minutes is quite long enough to leave your daughter. Start a good routine now or you will be making a rod for your own back.

Answer 7

your lucky she only fusses for that short of a time. Some parents don't have it so easy.

They say you should put them to bed say goodnight & if they get up walk them back & put them back without saying anything.

or for younger ones who are really use to mom & dad.
put a chair in there room & slowly move it out every night a foot closer to the door!

so It's Not Wrong. You Are Doing Just Right.

Answer 8

I had my son on a pacifier since the day he was born. His doctor kept telling me to take it from him, but I refused because it was the only thing that kept him quiet. Doctor told me that the pacifier would hurt his development more than if I just let him cry. My response was that he would scream continuously for hours. Doctor says he could cry for 24 hours straight and would still be fine. Let her fuss, she's gotta learn. My doctor suggested ear plugs.

Answer 9

It will not cause any problems. If she cried for more than about 15 minutes go in and check on her. If she falls asleep on her own after a few minutes she is fine.

Answer 10

No, there is nothing wrong with that if you are sure that she's not crying because she's uncomfortable or needs anything. Look at Dr John Rosemond's the New Parent Power - it addresses issues like this. Bedtime is bedtime, and if she fights it a little, that's OK. Good luck.