my boyfriend had i fell in love at first sight. at first it was lust then it really did become love. we tell each other everything... but i have really strong morals and i found him doing things that i didn't apporve of... so i broke up with him. but now... i want him back. we are back together... but the trust it out the window and i feel that he hates me now for just walking away previously. We both really want to work things out... how should we go about things. please help. thank you so much.
2006-10-12 18:27:20 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
+ when i said morals.. i caught him doing coke. it was a one time thing he said./ I used to be into the party scene but he really calmed me down and i thought that he had calmed down as well.. and i told him that i didn't want that substance around me b/c i find it wrong...
2006-10-12 18:34:43 · update #1
Once trust is broken, it is difficult to repair - and no one can really ever say for certain that it is "back" at any point, it just sort of ceases to be a problem because the person has established after a certain period of time that he has stopped his past behavior. The thing is, you have to be willing to wait that period of time - all the while taking a gamble that he could still be lying to you.
I would suggest that you:
1) Sit down by yourself and really decide whether you can allow yourself to take the chance to trust him. I assume you want to, but CAN you... it's a different question. If you decide that you CAN allow yourself to try to trust him again, then
2) Make up some rules for yourself. Say "I will trust him for the first two months if he allows me to have access to his phone records (or whatever else you think you need). If I find anything amiss, I will dump him. If he passes that period of time, I will trust him as long as I (insert condition here... "Never find him doing coke again"). If I ever find him doing coke again, I will dump him." And on and on. It seems harsh, maybe, to put conditionality on your relationship, but he betrayed a pretty big trust, and now he needs to show you he respects you again. And you need to feel comfortable again. Im not all for monitoring your boyfriends every move, but by saying that you *will* do so for a certain amount of time allows you to see that he's stopped doing it, and allows you to have a set time when you have to also STOP monitoring him - to get back to the place where you trust him again, and you don't have to check up on him - because he's proved it.
And he does need to prove it to you - don't let him talk you out of it by just saying "Dont you trust me?" Because the honest answer to that, right now, would be NO.
Good luck. It's really hard to do, I wish you the best.
2006-10-12 18:55:43 · answer #1 · answered by starlet_8 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust in a relationship, Love in a relationship ... they both go hand in hand ...However sitting through a NARC Raid is a taxing experience on any relationship .... I think I'd skip the whole raid experience thing if I had choice.
Girl if his new mistress is Coke ... you don't wanna compete with that chick ... she fights nasty!
Move On ... choose a better one next time!
Good Luck
2006-10-12 18:41:23 · answer #2 · answered by John 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to find a way to get the trust back. a relationship can not work without trust. if you took him back then you will have to swallow it and learn to trust him because u forgave him when you took him back. and he will have to swallow the fact that you left him because he forgave you when he came back. the most important part of moving on is leaving the past in the past start over even though it is hard. it will be better in the long run
2006-10-12 18:32:42 · answer #3 · answered by Laprincessa1182 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im going through the same thing kind of. My girlfriend wants to be a hardcore christian... as in practice abstinence and not party and stuff. But I'm not going to try and do all that crap but i still consider myself a christian. And she stays with me even though she thinks shes going to hell. She must really love me :)
2006-10-12 18:30:01 · answer #4 · answered by ks_stud_2005 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a talk with him. Try to forgive even if you can't forget. If you both really wanna work things out, talk and learn to trust.
2006-10-12 18:48:06 · answer #5 · answered by Nemrac666 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well perhaps your gy is not quite into these moral things. he needs to change that. guys without any conscience are absolutely dangerous & for them relationship is all about fulfilling basic needs. he needs to become more moral & affectionate towards you. whenever you two are happy, make it a point totel him how blissful & complete life is when you stand by something.
2006-10-12 18:31:55 · answer #6 · answered by karan s 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Need more information....what type of morals are you talking about? Sex? Drugs? Smoking?
2006-10-12 18:30:07 · answer #7 · answered by james w 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you used to talk about every thing before them talk to him tell him how you feel.
2006-10-12 18:32:13 · answer #8 · answered by dwwork4money 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should try®ain trust in him, even tho its difficult.Thats the best solution
2006-10-12 18:29:58 · answer #9 · answered by frozen_blue.angel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋