This is the dilemma,my eldest daughter is getting married august,my youngest daughter has just had her first baby,our first grandchild 3wks ago.Now the problem is my eldest daughter is having her two sisters as bridesmaids and 4 others,her partners niece and 2of her godchildren but when she was asked could her own niece who will be 11months by then could be one the answer was an emphatic NO.It would disrupt the service,it would look stupid etc.All the youngest wanted thinking her sister would think it was a lovely idea was to follow the little bridesmaids in to the church holding the baby and once in there hand her to me.What else does the brides mother do on that day any way.My eldest daughter i agree should be the one to choose who she has as its her wedding,but its hurt my youngest girl as she feels like her babys being rejected,we by the way are paying for the reception but have made no other requests.I want them both to be happy.I cant take sides as i love them both.What do i do??
2006-10-12 18:21:37 · 29 answers · asked by Big momma 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Being a flower girl at the wedding,i didnt realise thats what they called them.
2006-10-12 18:50:40 · update #1
My grandaughter has a memory box which as the first baby the whole family have agreed to put something in,i have 3girls by the way.This is going to be the first big wedding of our 3girls and a memory for her later on.They are all usually very close,my middle girl said she thinks it would be lovely.By the way,the two sisters are bridesmaids.
2006-10-12 19:08:18 · update #2
Yes. Weddings are supposed to be about family, old and new. Just because she's young doesn't make her any less of a family member.
2006-10-12 18:55:29 · answer #1 · answered by mynameisdennis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My heart goes out to you in this difficult situation as you obviously are torn between the wishes of your two daughters and want neither to be hurt. You also cherish the new baby and justifiedly want her to be included in the warmth of the family gathering and present at her aunt's wedding. I take it your eldest daughter is not demanding that the child should be completely excluded from the ceremony . This would really hurt your youngest and, if it is the case, she may be tempted to refuse being a bridesmaid altogether. She has just had a baby, is at a fragile stage and is probably very hurt that her precious child appears not to be wanted. What does your eldest daughter propose to be done with the child during the ceremony? Surely she does not want to ban your grandchild from the church and ,since the child will be there, why not have her as an "honorary" flower girl in the procession? If the little girl shows signs of being distressed it is easy enough to hand her to a family member to take her out or leave her out of the procession at the last minute. The chances are that she will be overawed and interested . Walking up the aisle is not a long exercise unless you are royalty!
If this is any comfort to you, can I say that when my youngest daughter married, my eldest had a two months old baby girl. The wedding was in early March when it is still very chilly. I made her a dress and velvet jacket identical to her five year old big sister's ( who was the only flower girl) and a little bonnet with silk buds in the same hue as those in Rebecca's head dress. She was carried through in exactly the way you describe, though handed over to her father, and was as good as gold. We have very moving photos of the two girls together with the bride. It certainly did not look "ridiculous" or "stupid".
Obviously your little grand daughter will be older , more demanding, and she will be too old to be put in a baby carrier throughout the service. She might even be walking at that stage.I remember a grand-niece toddling up and down the church and no one batted an eyelid.
If you lived in France it would be considered absolutely normal to include a toddler as the French think that a bevvy of tinies escorting the bride is good luck. Obviously you must have someone at hand to whip away very promptly any that are likely to cause disruption .If it were the case and your eleven months grandchild started crying or whimpering, bear in mind it would be essential to have someone to do just that for you as you would not want to be the one that has to walk out whilst your daughter takes her vows. Her father would be the obvious choice!
Having said all this, English weddings tend to be more formal and in this country bridesmaids are older. We owe this to the medieval belief that evil spirits would not know the difference between the bride and her attendants and would therefore not put a jinx on the marriage. Your eldest daughter may prefer the more solemn mode but she is the star for the day and her wishes take precedence over any one else's. She perhaps thinks that the guests may believe the child to be hers and this is why she has taken this stance.
I think you will have to keep your feelings under wrap and let the two sisters sort the dilema out between themselves. There is nothing to prevent your younger daughter from dressing her little girl in the same style as the bridesmaids and entrusting her to her husband .That way she will also appear in the wedding photos in an outfit matching that of the other flower girls.
Weddings are a time for warmth and love, and occasions to gather a whole family around the bridal couple, not a time for bickering and creating added stress. In the end, your youngest daughter will not want to spoil her sister's wedding day. I also hope that your eldest will be gracious enough to compromise. It really is a small issue and not worthwhile upsetting her sister and her mother.
By the way, August is a long way away and things might fall into place according to your wishes, so "chill" and do not torture yourself for months over this issue. As mother of the bride you have enough on your plate as it is. You are obviously a sterling Mum and your daughters are lucky to have such a loving, caring parent.
I hope the problem can be resolved amicably and that the wedding day is wonderful for everyone. I wish I were a little mouse...Good luck!
2006-10-12 21:40:50 · answer #2 · answered by WISE OWL 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Flowergirls should be ages 4-9. Younger than that is generally not a good idea. So I think the bride has chosen wisely.
She can perhaps have special photos taken that include the niece, even if she does not make the niece a part of the wedding party. Also the bride can give niece a flower to hold while watchign the wedding, if it will make her feel special. But putting wedding party responsibilities on babies is asking for disaster.
2006-10-13 11:30:03 · answer #3 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi i know weddings familys can be difficult, im getting married next year and i wanted little flower girls as the dresses are grogeous but i have no younger relatives so this isnt an option for us. Is the 11 month old baby invited to the wedding as what you could do is go and buy a flowergirls gown her and still take her she will get attention anyway and she doesnt even have to go down the isle she can stay with you. She cant moan about that one can she and if she does just ignore her. I dont think it is right for your daugther to act this way and by no means her neice look stupid. I think she is just being picky as some peolple are. I know you cant chose, but if you take the flowergirl to get a dress maid in private and let her wear it to the day this way she wont be missing out then.
2006-10-13 07:32:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sister said the same thing everybody was so upset by it that the day wasn't the same. My little boy wasn't aloud at all which broke my heart . My sister and I didn't speak for over a year because of this.
If she doesn't won't the service to be disrupted then she shouldn't have any kids there!
Why can't she walk/be carried down by you so by the time your daughter has come she will be settled?
If I was the baby's mum I wouldn't want to be bridesmaid if my child wasn't x
Good luck x
2006-10-13 08:59:57 · answer #5 · answered by Me Me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to want to be fair to your girls, and it is too bad you are now in the middle of a "sibling" battle. I think if the Bride says no, it because she wants the wedding to go smooth without a toddler "ruining" the moment. She probably wants all the attention on her(I understand that). Are children and babies invited to the wedding? Then I see no problem the 11mth old being carried down the aisle and being handed to you! It wouldn't look stupid OR inappropriate. A wedding is a time for friends AND family to gather and/or partake in a special moment. Come on, I mean people have their PETS involved in their wedding. There is probably an underlying issue. I know that every bride dreams of the perfect wedding day, but whose to say that a baby would damper anything. I think your youngest daughter has the right to be upset because it does look like she is being left out in her OWN sisters wedding!! They sometimes refer to these types of Brides as Bridzillas! Everything has to be perfect or ELSE!! But you have to realize too that things aren't always fair and just remember this when the new BRIDE needs a babysitter!!! Good Luck! In reading some responses it looks that most are concerned with the 11mth old not "getting" anything from it. She may not understand now, but when she is older and ready to marry, she will have the pictures to look back on and say "I was in my AUNTIE's Wedding" and then maybe her cousins will be in her wedding?! Karma! The flower girl option works too, however most are concerned with her not walking so how does she perform the job of flower girl?! Come on people, lets be realistic. The mom wants peace, the girls want to be involved and when it comes to wedding and decisions, sometimes things seem more or less important at the time. It will all work out someway.
2006-10-12 18:39:28 · answer #6 · answered by momacrissy 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I don't think that would be a good idea. What would make for a pretty wedding, (and isn't that what all brides want) would be for the little one to be a flower girl. If the ring bearer is old enough have him pull her down the isle in a wagon. Cover the wagon in white satin then adore it with flowers in her colors. The bride may want her in the wedding but feels that this would not be acceptable and she doesn't want anything to seem out of place on her day. Please respect her for that and tell your other daughter not to take it so personal. Just be there for her sister and make it a day to remember by sharing this wonderful time with her.
2006-10-12 18:35:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Oy. I can understand younger sister's feelings being a bit injured, but it seems to me she's being a little impractical here. An 11-month year old infant is not a bridesmaid. She won't really get anything out of it, and even if she is being handed off to Grandma after the procession, I can understand older sister's worries about possible fussiness during her big day. Fussiness in the back of the room is one thing; fussiness smack in the middle of the ceremony is something else.
Maybe she can be involved in some other small way?
2006-10-12 18:32:42 · answer #8 · answered by dancinghawk_wolf 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
sorry i am all confused reading this. so the bride doesn't want the 11 month old to be part of the wedding then? she is the bride and that is her choice. the baby would be really fussy i am sure and distrupt the service. the bride should offer her sister a sitter for the ceremony. the sister shouldn't be insulted that her child is being left out. an 11 month old wouldn't even remember the event
2006-10-13 02:48:12 · answer #9 · answered by Jenn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I would not, this idea is so ridiculous, it seems as if your little granddaughter is being used as a "object" to make the wedding pretty. Try to concentrate on the true meaning of marriage, it's not about wedding dresses, bridesmaids and presents' it should be about 2 people wanting to devote themselves to each other. The idea of bridal showers, hen parties, colour schemes, wedding themes just seems to be more important to some people! It's no wonder that so many marriages fail when they are entered into with such shallow frivolity.
2006-10-12 19:10:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand the family issues but a moment's reflection should say that eleven months is far too young. The baby is not being rejected, it is common sense.
Perhaps the refusal could have been more tactful and if the aunt in question is willing to apologise for its abruptness, and give reassurance about her feeling to her niece, I think the situation can defused.
2006-10-12 18:45:47 · answer #11 · answered by 13caesars 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋